There’s a lot of responsibility on the shoulders of Khloe Kardashian as the newly-appointed prettiest daughter in the whorehouse. Apparently, Kardashian’s new position requires her to grade the other sisters in order to keep Kris Jenner’s affections (Jenner’s a fickle mistress). She’s not being mean… FULL STORY
Up until very recently, shows like American Idol in particular had so many prime time viewers that competing networks would play re-runs and refuse to broadcast anything more substantial against them. Knowing they would get killed in the ratings. This year, conversely, shows like Idol are being beaten in the ratings by Big Bang Theory re-runs so no one really cares anymore. The X Factor isn’t doing much better. Its ratings and popularity are waning and its solution in 2012 was to throw money at the problem by paying Britney Spears $15 million to use auditions to fill time in between taking her meds. Add to that Khloe Kardashian and it was a complete flop. So they’re cleaning house and hiring people they’re pretty much marketing as ‘the poor man’s Beyonce and Shakira’ because… well. According to The Hollywood Reporter, new X Factor judges Kelly Rowland and Paulina Rubio will earn far, far lower than judges on seasons one or two. Reportedly, Rowland will be paid $1 million and Rubio will get $1.5 million. And it all matters because ad revenue also dropped from ‘$502 million in  to $386 million in 2012.’
Randy Jackson is the only remaining original judge on American Idol which, at this point, is like pointing out original features on the wreck of the titanic. He’s been there since the beginning when Simon Cowell had his original face and Paula Abdul was a friendly drunk. And now even Jackson is over the show that’s getting lower ratings than Big Bang Theory re-runs, because who wants to watch Mariah Carey slumming it and pretending to fight with a rapper whose name she’s probably got written in glitter on the back of her hand because she sure as hell cannot remember Nicki Minaj’s name without promoting? Deciding to jump before he’s pushed, pretty much literally at this point, Jackson said this in a statement: ‘Yo! Yo! Yo! To put all of the speculation to the rest, after 12 years of judging on American Idol I have decided it is time to leave after this season.’
Terrible secret-keeper Nick Lachey let slip another secret this week. While sitting with his 98 Degrees band mates on Watch What Happens Live, Lachey was asked by host Andy Cohen what, if anything, he DIDN’T miss about being Joe Simpson’s son-in-law. To which the singer responded by using his words to work through his PTSD: ‘Umm… I don’t have to play grab-ass under the table on Easter Sunday!’
According to the kind of sources who know how Marigolds work and will happily dig through any kind of trash, Jennifer Love Hewitt will hire herself to judge X Factor so she can inevitably be linked to at least one of the contestants… And the In Touch story about the break-up practically writes itself. According to Us Weekly, Simon Cowell hopes Hewitt will become a judge on the show, adding ‘Simon is very interested.’ Reps for the show say ‘this is pure speculation,’ however, and Kelly Rowland sources claim Hewitt needs to step off because ‘Kelly’s nearly a done deal!’
Khloe Kardashian landed the X Factor because her sister got urinated on this one time which obviously means she’s got the chops to get the job done. Except, not at all, because the number of penises that have been inside her sister are not actually proportional to the other sisters’ talents. No matter what it says on the internal memos at the whorehouse. So I’m going to guess Khloe Kardashian was surprised when she got the job at all and when her mother got her fired from X Factor. The same mother who is trying to do damage control by claiming Kardashian is too busy doing… I don’t even know… to co-host another season.
Jenner tells E!, ‘Khloe had such a good time and she wasn’t sure if she was going to come back or not, so I think that with everything going on and the other three shows she’s working on, it just worked out for the best. Everything happens for a reason, but she was in love with her experience and had such a good time.’
Wook Wook Kardashian is the only Kardashian who didn’t trade her soul for an iPhone 5 because she’s the only one who can count that high and realises there will eventually be an iPhone 6. And she’s the only one with a personality, she says, because she HAD to develop a personality because she’s the only one in the whorehouse who didn’t grow up pretty. She tried to sell that personality for her first real job, hosting a singing competition, but Kris Jenner ruined it before Kardashian could learn her trade. Instead of leaving Kardashian to work on her own like a big girl who is finally allowed to use real scissors, Jenner tried to bully X Factor producers into giving another one of the sisters a co-hosting job.
‘Everyone thinks that Mario hated working with Khloe,’ a source told RadarOnline. ‘But… it was her mother Kris who was the problem. Kris would go to the producers and say Mario was being pushy and insensitive and she’d often confront Mario directly. There was even a very absurd incident when Kris suggested to the producers that they should dump Mario and replace him with one of her other daughters. Kris claimed that the chemistry between Mario and Khloe just didn’t work and that Kim or Kourtney would be a better fit. Well, the producers agreed with the no chemistry argument, but also that Khloe was in over her head, and that’s why she’s gone.’ The source continues, ’Mario really was trying to help Khloe become a better host. Kris has a problem butting out of her kid’s professional lives. Mario would never tell her Kris, but Khloe should have taken his advice, not her mother’s, look where that got her.’
The Kardashians got to where they are by riding the coat tails of the one who slept her way to the middle. It’s axiomatically possible to have a career that way but I guess it’s harder to keep it, because one of them has just been fired from something (which surely means 10 lashes at the whorehouse). In a series of official statements today, Simon Cowell and FOX admitted to firing Khloe Kardashian who proved unpopular with audiences and actually appeared to hurt ratings. ’I’m thrilled Mario is back for Season Three of The X Factor,’ said Simon Cowell who invited back only one of the co-hosts. ‘Hosting a live show and keeping the judges – especially Demi – in line, is not an easy job, but Mario is a pro and we are glad he’s coming back.’ FOX confirmed in its own statement, ‘Khloe Kardashian will not be returning to co-host The X Factor. We really enjoyed working with her and wish her all the best in her future endeavors.’