Posts Tagged ‘TomKat’

Katie Holmes is shown above, looking like her theatre rehearsals are finally getting the better of her – Holmes looked tired as she left her New York City apartment to do another performance of the play All My Sons, at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre, this past weekend [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

The 30-year-old actress looked worn out in a red winter coat, white beanie, white scarf, black skinny jeans and black flat shoes.

Is this what happens when you over-audit, or is Katie-bot’s battery just starting to get a little worn down? The Scientology Princess is looking more like a haggard 45-year-old than a just turned 30, former teen star. What the hell happened to Joey Potter? Did she start a nasty crystal meth habit or something? Homegirl looks like she was bitch-slapped by the Herpes Monster and was then made to do a year’s worth of power-auditing all in one go.

I did auditing once. It was cool beans, what can I tell you. You put on your ‘I HEART XENU’ tee shirt and then sit in the corner of the room in just your bloomers, until the auditor comes in. Then you close your eyes and recount tales of how Tommy Cruise slapped you around with his copy of ‘Dianetics for Dummies’, until you were reduced to tears. Never experienced anything like it.

Katie-bot is a trooper. One thing you gotta admit is that, robot wife or no, Holmes has never given a sh*t about what anyone thinks of her appearance. Big ol’ scabs or no. She says it loud. She has mouf/ footsy herpes and she’s proud!

[IMAGE CREDIT: New York Life / Splash News]

AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only. Images, branding and original content should not be reproduced without prior permission.

Well, that didn’t take long – according to Tom Cruise, his adorable little 2-year-old daughter, Suri, is flying past him, in the vocabulary stakes [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

Tom Cruise said in a red carpet interview that Suri is an advanced speaker for her age. By that, one can only assume that he means every time Suri vomits or makes poopy, the gurgling noise which accompanies it is far greater in verbal complexity than any rabid rambling that he has managed in the past 5 years.

According to US:

“Her vocabulary is great,” Cruise said. “The ones that we love are, ‘I love you.’ I love hearing ‘I love you, dada. I love you, mama.’”

As we all know, Cruise is glib – his hair is glib, his over-bite is glib and most importantly his man tan is glib. The most intelligent thing that I have heard Cruise say, in the past few years, is “sorry” – when he apologised to Matt Lauer for being a crackhead during an interview. 

If I didn’t know better, I would swear that Cruise could not form whole sentences, without consulting  ’Scientology for Crackheads’. His soundbites should improve over time. However, each turd that escapes his mouf, is worse than the last. I am quite sure, at this point, that even Xenu himself is all like “DUDE, I don’t know that crazay mother phucker!”

[IMAGE CREDIT: Splash News Online]

AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only. Images, branding and original content should not be reproduced without prior permission.

Tom Cruise - who has been depserately pimping out his new movie, ‘Valkyrie’, in hopes that it won’t spontaneously combust at the box-office - has lost his BlackBerry [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

Did I say BlackBerry, cos you all know that I meant CrackBerry… or do I mean BlueBerry?

Well, it was some kind of motherf*cking berry phone thing, that City players and DListers carry around with them, in plain view, at all times, in hopes of looking terribly important.

I wanted a Crackberry, when it first came out. Being too poor to afford actual crack, I thought dosing up on pointless emails and Twitter updates about my friends cats, would be the best way to go. My dealer has a CrackBerry. Or is that actual crack… I can never remember. 

Oh yeah, Tom Cruise has done a TOTALLY retarded thing and lost his celebrity phone-number packed phone.

Cruise did a one-hour interview with “Entertainment Tonight Canada,” his Thetan prison bitches called the studio asking if anyone had found the device. “A search was done, but, nada,” Govani said. “So, basically, someone in Toronto has Top Gun’s crackberry.”

[IMAGE CREDIT: Splash News Online]

AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only. Images, branding and original content should not be reproduced without prior permission.

With all the money Tom Cruise has, you would think that he could afford to buy a clue [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

Cruise has given an insight into his admirable attempts at raising his button-nosed daughter, Suri, to be a spoiled brat. He insists that the little-one refuses point-blank to wear pants and is a ‘girly girl’. WTF does that even mean, when you are talking about a two-year-old?

Cruise insists that Suri is “girlie girl. She won’t wear pants.” He goes on to say, “Kate finally got her in jeans the other day. We put the pants on and walk away and the pants are off and the dress is on.”

First of all, is he STILL trying to convince people that in order to be welcomed into Xenu’s arms in the after-life, they have to call Alien Queen Katie, ‘Kate‘. Give it up biatch! That shit went out with the arc. You’ll have about as much success with that, as I do, trying to persuade people to call Robert Pattison ‘Greasy-Greasy Spot-Spot’.

Second, who is he trying to kid? Suri is two-years-old and is too busy getting her nails done, to bother putting on pants! The same group of Three Magical Pixies (MP3) that make sure Britney puts on underwear in the morning, complete their Community Service by putting pants on Suri.

[IMAGE CREDIT: Jackson Lee / Tom Meinelt]

AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only. Images, branding and original content should not be reproduced without prior permission.