Here’s Katie Holmes in some random jewellery campaign about which I do not care except for its marking of Holmes’ passage into the uncanny valley. Holmes, now iPad 2-compatible, stars in these new adverts for which I glean she’s being promoted as ‘topless’ for the shot of her bikini with the straps slipped down. Because bikinis [...]
Posts Tagged ‘TomKat’
Tom Cruise Fulfilling Obligation To Love Wife
Tom Cruise is in completely heterosexual love with his robot wife (made in Japan’s uncanny valley). Because love between man and robot is recognised under the $cilon constitution as a completely valid lifestyle choice. Speaking of his marriage, because he has a movie to promote, Cruise assured everyone he’s in love: ‘Every day I fall [...]
No One Can Be Bothered To Dress Suri Cruise
Realising that Suri Cruise is wearing a paper-thin dress and realising that it’s cold enough for her to wear her mother’s jacket, here are new photos of Katie Holmes and her daughter leaving a Starbucks in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. It’s been five years and still no one has made one convincing attempt at dressing this child [...]
Katie Holmes Wasn’t Trying To Freeze Out Suri
Skynet Holmes wasn’t trying to harm her daughter in dragging her around the streets of New York. She was humouring a toddler who didn’t want to wear a coat; knowing that, inevitably, she’d get cold and ask for the coat back on her own. I like Holmes for giving this interview. It’s years late, but [...]
Tom Cruise’s Face Painted For His 49th Birthday
Here’s Tom Cruise getting his face painted at his 49th birthday party while his baby girl gets the same and while Skynet Holmes runs an anti virus and receives her daily updates. I guess for his 50th birthday, next year, Cruise will get a new wife; one who comes with Windows 7 and maybe has [...]
Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes Aren’t Speaking?
I’ve been reading an obnoxious number of reports about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in the last 24-hours, mostly about the disputed contents of her womb: ‘Is there another of Chris Klein’s spawn in there? Will this baby look a little more convincingly like Tom Cruise? How is babby formed?’ For the record, I don’t [...]
