Tom Cruise covers W Magazine June 2012. We’re skipping the pretense about magazine covers and instead posing people in full costume. Portending the copy and pasting of actual movie posters so celebrities can stop showing up for shoots altogether. With a look of ennui that says ‘I just got my pubes the way I like them and she’s MESSING THEM UP,’ here’s the 49-year-old as Stacee Jaxx.
Here’s Katie Holmes carrying her six-year-old because walking to her car means tripping over paparazzi kneeling to get a better shot of the child. These were taken shortly before Holmes’ back gave out and little Cruise had to carry her mother the rest of the way. 10 photos show the wall of photographers and fans.
Here’s Katie Holmes in some random jewellery campaign about which I do not care except for its marking of Holmes’ passage into the uncanny valley. Holmes, now iPad 2-compatible, stars in these new adverts for which I glean she’s being promoted as ‘topless’ for the shot of her bikini with the straps slipped down. Because bikinis are for humans and Holmes thinks she’s people, she knows not how to fit the straps. They slid down, but she’s obviously not topless. That’s all that happened there. She’s below in a few additional photos in which the rubberiness of her (silicon?) skin starts to show the more baby oil is applied.
Tom Cruise is in completely heterosexual love with his robot wife (made in Japan’s uncanny valley). Because love between man and robot is recognised under the $cilon constitution as a completely valid lifestyle choice. Speaking of his marriage, because he has a movie to promote, Cruise assured everyone he’s in love: ‘Every day I fall more in love with her. It’s been quite an amazing five years because of her. She’s an incredible woman. She’s everything to me.’
16 photos of Cruise and Holmes at the Mission: Impossible 4 NYC premiere.
Realising that Suri Cruise is wearing a paper-thin dress and realising that it’s cold enough for her to wear her mother’s jacket, here are new photos of Katie Holmes and her daughter leaving a Starbucks in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. It’s been five years and still no one has made one convincing attempt at dressing this child in weather/ season-appropriate clothes. Holmes says it’s because her daughter’s headstrong and won’t be told to cover up. Okay then. But, still. The child is wearing little sandals that expose her feet, a dress/ tee/ cardigan and yet no coat or blanket. She’s with her mother as they visit Starbucks, by which point the child’s so cold she’s wrapped in Holmes’ large black coat. Do you think no f**ks are given or can Skynet Holmes and Skynet Jr. just not feel the cold?
As a bonus, also below are photos of Tom Cruise and his five-year-old as she and Holmes visit the set of his film, One Shot, October 6 in Pittsburgh. 40 photos.
Skynet Holmes wasn’t trying to harm her daughter in dragging her around the streets of New York. She was humouring a toddler who didn’t want to wear a coat; knowing that, inevitably, she’d get cold and ask for the coat back on her own. I like Holmes for giving this interview. It’s years late, but she had mothering to do and governments to hack/ overthrow. She was busy. And I’m not mad at her. Holmes covers InStyle August 2011 almost looks photoreal. It’s eerie, really.
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