Taylor Momsen is, like, really frustrated, yooguise. Frustrated in a way that masturbating using boot polish as her lubricant cannot fix. Instead of just locking herself away and going at it furiously to the free fap folder I like to call Google Images, Momsen is insisting that every one else join in. Because every one else must have Google Images. So there are no excuses. You must open a new tab, image search ‘Hamburglar’, and begin fapping. THE POWER OF RACCOONS COMPELS YOU. I wish I were sh*tting you, at this hour on a Friday, but I’m not. Momsen has actually become the spokesperson for something other than boot polish; she’s advocating that young girls masturbate, and talk about it more. Because the world isn’t creepy enough (mercy, for bong-smoking Miley Cyrus leveling the field. Oh. Cyrus smokes bongs and gets legal highs, apparently).
Taylor Momsen encourages fapping: ‘I’m a promoter of masturbation. Don’t sleep around; learn yourself first. Guys do, but girls don’t. And that’s why girls have so many bad experiences. But you can know your body, know yourself, know what feels good. You don’t have to give yourself away just to have sexual relevance. Because I don’t think sex is something people should be afraid of. It’s part of human nature, so I don’t think it should be so shameful; particularly for girls and young girls.’
Taylor Momsen was naked in the original video for You Make Me Wanna Die, the released version of the same being shown under the cut. Momsen is on a roll today, with an interview that’s being covered by Celebuzz and Us Weekly; an interview in which she bemoans underage girls not masturbating more and the perils of releasing child pornography masquerading as a music video (yeah, releasing a music video, shot when you were 16 and naked, is a few different kinds of against the law… who knew?) Hating cheese pizza as much as the next person, I’m glad there’s at least one non-pedo at her record label. Although, can you even imagine if someone, even one person, lacked the wherewithal to put this child in her place, when she released her naked/ necrophiliac something, something walking through a graveyard because it’s EDGY video? Put some clothes on, Hamburglar Momsen, Pedobear does not work here, any more.
- On going naked in her video: ‘It was held up in legal for a long time because I was 16 when we shot that. We couldn’t release it because, yes, I actually got naked’” (In the original concept, Momsen strips [naked] while strolling through a graveyard; the eventually released version features a relatively more modest, lingerie-clad Momsen walking among the tombstones.)
- On why she got naked for the video… hint, because it’s EDGY: ‘It’s such a complex song, and the video really reflects the song, in the way that I’d die for this person. And the point is: if you don’t do something that’s making you happy, you’re just working through possessions and shit; you’re dying with nothing anyway. So I’m stripping off my worldly possessions and giving them away. And then there’s hell raining down, just cause it looks cool.’
Taylor Momsen is denying rumours of diva behaviour by whispering obscenities lovingly into the ears of whomever is foolish enough to challenge her reportedly bratty behaviour. That would be like me denying that I’m a methhead, masquerading as a blogger, by yelling, ‘I’m an artist, man. An artist! I can quit any time I want. I just use meth recreationally; my real addictions are abs and penis.’ In that vein, Momsen has issued another denial that she got herself fired for bad behaviour on the set of Gossip Girl. According to Cele|Buzz, who cite a translation of an interview with Turkish newspaper, Hurriyet, Momsen responds as follows when asked about her ‘haitus’ and diva rumours, ‘It’s complete [bulls**t]. I’m still definitely on the show.’ Adding, ‘Please don’t buy the crap of the magazines. Normally, I don’t even feel need to address these rumors.’
Further to yesterday’s report that Gossip Girl’s Taylor Momsen is on indefinate haitus, here’s a little backpedalling. It was claimed that Momsen’s constant bad behaviour prompted bosses to give her less and less screen time. This is being denied by an insider who spoke to E! Online (The CW and Warner Brothers refused to comment). They explain away her lack of episodes by pointing out the season’s plot arc. It’s difficult to add Momsen’s character, school-age Jenny Humphrey, to central storylines, because she ‘isn’t in college like everyone else.’ More to the point, ‘We don’t want to just bring her in to hang out at the breakfast table with Lily and Rufus and say a line or two. We want a reason to have her there.’ Also, Momsen is contracted until the end of season. A second source confirms her diva behaviour, but claims that, ‘Everyone likes her. Her absence really is driven by the story. Anything else is speculative.’ Momsen shared in April that the cast weren’t friends, ‘I’m not close with my cast. Were all cordial and nice to each other, but we’re not really friends outside of the set.’
Taylor Momsen’s stank attitude has finally done it. According to Deadline Hollywood, the 17-year-old actress is getting less screen time on Gossip Girl during the second half of the season. Moreover, Momsen will begin an indefinite hiatus after next Monday’s episode. The CW and Warner Brothers declined to comment on the story, a possible indication that it’s true and Momsen has been sidelined. Thing is, it’s not a break so much as a step away from being fired. Maybe she doesn’t care. ‘She only does [the show] for the money,’ a source told to Us Magazine. ‘She works hard on Gossip Girl but doesn’t care about the plot or the other cast members. She treats it like a 9-5. No emotional investment.’ Momsen has been in the headlines recently for her nasty, brattish behaviour. Something she explains by saying Hollywood parenting screwed her up. Who’s going to pay mother and father Momsen’s beeels, if baby Momsen isn’t given any more Gossip Girl screen time? I hope The Pretty Reckless earns the teenager enough to pay her parents’ beeels. They’re not going to pay themselves.
Taylor Momsen, age 3, stars in the below 1997 Shake N’ Bake commercial. I guess shilling for Shake ‘N Bake is what Momsen meant when describing the merciless exploitation suffered at the hands of her parents; parents Momsen blames for robbing her of a normal childhood and turning her into the miserable raccoon-eyed hamburglar she is today. ‘Everyone’s like, ‘Wow, why is she upset and why is she so miserable about things?’ My parents signed me up with Ford [modelling agency] at the age of two. No two year old wants to be working, but I had no choice,’ Momsen told WENN during an interview, last week. ‘My whole life, I was in and out of school. I didn’t have friends. I was working constantly and I didn’t have a real life.’ This is at the hands of a mother who watches as the 17-year-old flashes her chest every night. And parents who didn’t mind Momsen posing for The New Yorker in her underwear, age 14, in a promotional piece for Gossip Girl (the same year Miley Cyrus posed topless in Vanity Fair).