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Tiger Woods Text Messages Were Super Boring

Dec 2nd, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
4 comments

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At this point we know that Tiger Woods fails at many things, cheating, picking mistresses, and driving. I must have been laying in a gutter somewhere when these were released yesterday by Radar Online. It has been revealed that Tiger Woods also sucks at sending sex text messages, also known as Fail Sexts.

Woods’ pride must be taking a battering. The best he could do when allegedly trying to turn on Jaimee Grubbs using nothing but his iPhone was the following:

  • Tiger Woods alleged sex text message to Jaimee Grubbs: “I will wear you out…when was the last time you got (bleeped)?”
  • Tiger Woods second text message to Jaimee Grubbs: “Send me something very naughty…Go to the bathroom and take (a picture).”

Image credit to Fame Pictures. Story and messages The HuffPo, Radar Online.

Tiger Woods Voicemail Leaked By Us Weekly

Dec 2nd, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
2 comments

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The Tiger Woods voicemail, well a voice message allegedly left by Woods, has been leaked by Us Weekly magazine. The website posted the full audio of a voice message from a man identifying himself as the golf star that says mistress Jaimee Grubbs needs to hide her ass so his wife doesn’t beat on her too.

Okay, the message doesn’t say that in so many words, but it should. Woods has been ten different kinds of caught out. Yesterday, Grubbs went public to say that after their 31-month affair and 20 sexual encounters, she had over 300 text messages and was going to leak a specific voicemail on Us magazine’s website.

Woods seemed like a stand up guy, and like he was too busy to be messing with trick ho 24-year-old waitresses who appear on toiler paper TV like VH1′s Tool Academy. Woods needs another effing hobby and sommore cheating practice.

Listen to the full audio of the cheating voice mail from Us Weekly magazine.

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Tiger Woods Press Release on Official Website

Dec 2nd, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
1 comment

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Tiger Woods should pick up a dictionary and learn the word transgressions. He seems to think the transgression definition means someone who rushes out oddly-worded press releases, instead of holding a press conference. The actual definition means someone who got caught failing by the media, and HARD.

The press release on Tiger Woods official website TigerWoods.com, offers the world’s longest, twisty-turniest, semi-apology. His ass still needs to get a B grade lawyer to fix his B grade cheating, so no one is really named. However, he says SOWWY for not knowing the Cheating Popo were so good at paying a buck fiddy a time to smoke out women who had slept with celebrities.

Read the press release from Tiger Woods official website TigerWoods.com by clicking on the picture, then clicking again in the gallery to read in full size.

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Tiger Woods Cheated on Wife Says Us Magazine

Dec 2nd, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
Comments are off for this post

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Tiger Woods is in a lot of trouble. The professional golfer is an amateur cheater and he left enough of a bleached blonde paper trail to get caught. Crouching Tiger, hidden failure. I guess the husband and father isn’t that good at everything, as the shish hit the fan on his cheating big style today. At this point I would rather like to Fedex my brain away and have all the Woods references of the last week expunged, but his errant peen is all anyone can talk about.

I hope Woods took my advice from yesterday and started to stash away his fortune somewhere his wife won’t find it. He probably hid it in the first place he thought of, but stuffing his money in some girl’s panties for safe keeping is only going to mean Us Weekly or TMZ find the money and not his wife. He needs to hide it inside a Snuggie or under his hat or something. He better hope his wife doesn’t divorce him over this, as that man is going to be taken for everything he has… and as the new cover of Us points out… um, it’ll totally be his own fault.

Image credit to ICON/Fame Pictures. Story via the new cover for Us Weekly.

Jaimee Grubbs Tool Academy Video and Photos

Dec 1st, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
2 comments


Jaimee Grubbs Tool Academy: Video of Jaimee Grubbs on VH1′s Tool Academy.

The second woman rumoured to have had an affair with Tiger Woods can be seen above, on VH1′s Tool Academy. Jaimee Grubbs, 24-year-old waitress, needs to take a leaf out of Rachel Uchitel’s book and get herself a lawyer.

Grubbs is claiming to have had a 31-month affair with Woods, receiving over 300 text messages and a certain voicemail that she’s releasing tomorrow. She says the voicemail confirms Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren knows of their affair. This is probably going to be 30-seconds of growling and then the line going silent as Woods gets smacked round the back of his head by his wife.

Be sure to stay tuned tomorrow to see whether she is full of it, or whether the message released by Us sounds remotely real. I hope someone is stashing some of their future alimony in off-shore accounts and spending the rest on lawyers.

Video of Jaimee Grubbs Tool Academy above. Jaimee Grubbs pictures below.

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Jaimee Grubbs Alleged Mistress of Tiger Woods

Dec 1st, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
1 comment

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Jaimee Grubbs is a second woman, claiming to have had an affair with Tiger Woods. Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren must be frothing at the mouth. This is the second woman in as many weeks, alleged to have had an affair with her husband.

Woods turned to the safety of the Webernets in order to release a statement about his car accident. Other than that he’s being rather evasive. Though most guys would avoid media attention, if it had been alleged they had the crap beaten out of them by their spouses for cheating. Unlike Rachel Uchitel, Grubbs says their affair was sexual. Whatever the weather, this is the second skinny blonde bish that claims to have gotten all up in this man’s grill. Uchitel is offering to take a lie-detector test and Grubbs says she has more than 300 texts and a voicemail from November 24 that Us is planning to release tomorrow.

If you recognise this girls’ brand of tacky, the 24-year-old waitress, claiming to have had a 31-month fling with Woods, appeared on VH1′s Tool Academy.

Image credit to The HuffPo. Story & info. TMZ, The HuffPo, Us Weekly.

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