Because becoming Tiger Beat Lite isn’t the sole realm of Vanity Fair, Miley Cyrus will be hosting Saturday Night Live. If nothing else, because she’s 18 and the show’s no longer past her bedtime. You know why? Because she no longer has a bedtime. Rock and ROOOOLL. NBC has finally stopped geo c**k-blocking me, so I can actually watch the video sent by the network promoting this Saturday’s SNL following their teasers some weeks ago that Cyrus would be hosting the show.
Billy Ray Cyrus has spoken for the first time since the word vomit GQ interview, in which he spoke about his daughter’s demonic handlers and actual demons in the same breath. Playing the ‘please respect our privacy at this time card,’ because ‘f**k off’ isn’t trite enough, the 49-year-old has asked for time to be with his family. ‘It is very important to me to work on mending my family right now,’ reads a statement from the father who only last week felt Hannah Montana ‘destroyed [his] family.’ Calling his recent comments ‘explosive,’ and ‘unintentionally so,’ he adds, ‘My family is the most important thing I have, and we are working together to make sure our future is stronger and healthier. It is all a learning process, and we thank everyone for their support and respect of our privacy as we sort through very important family issues.’ He makes his time speaking with the magazine sound like alone time in the McDonald’s bathroom. His comments were ‘explosive,’ and ‘unintentionally so.’ Like that special time that’s best spent when there are no witnesses around so you can poop to your heart’s content in peace. I’m right, right? I’m going to assume some Pepto/ Milk of Magnesia in a care basket along with some butt donuts will make the boo boos better. Some of the week’s covers and their Cyrus-related melodrama are below.
Billy Ray Cyrus is interviewed for GQ (I assume for the issue Channing Tatum covers). The profile is a depressing affair focussing on the breakdowns of his marriage and the relationship with 18-year-old daughter Miley Cyrus. In an interview where it’s revealed he sits around his house with no lights on, the 49-year-old talks about how the show Hannah Montana ruined his relationsip with Miley Cyrus and intervened/ intruded when he tried to parent his wayward daughter. Even more shocking than Disney being a factory of glitter, lies and future drug-addicts is the revelation he’s not spoken to his daughter in months. He says, specifically, that he and the singer have not spoken since she was caught smoking a bong. That was back in December, making it two months.
Pictures from various Miley Cyrus scandals are below with her dad’s interview.
I tried to think of a more coherent title for this post. However, after staring at the nearly-exposed chest of Miley Cyrus for a solid 10 minutes (it’s my job) I’ve got nothing. So, here’s Cyrus keeping her cleavage behind some kind of cunning breast net at the 53rd Annual Grammy Awards Salute to Icons honouring David Geffen at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, CA on February 12. It’s something similar to the breast force field worn by Katy Perry to the launch of her fragrance. However, I guess the 18-year-old’s boobs get hotter and need even more ventilation. Can we go ahead and build a dress that comes with air conditioning so Cyrus can put some clothes on? Rihanna has got the right idea.
Miley Cyrus covers the March 2011 issue of American Marie Claire. The magazine’s cover is shown below. I was going to make this a generic, ‘Miley’s covering this magazine, and some of the asinine words she spat out during her interview are shown below.’ And then I saw the behind-the-scenes video she did for the same issue. The 18-year-old, wearing a dress different to the one on the cover, seems to be showing an unnecessary amount of sideboob in the video’s still (above). She’s actually pulling back her dress to show the side of her breast and that she’s not wearing a bra. Slore. Anyway, she’s shown in further images below and she talks about getting caught smoking a bong, ‘I’m not perfect… I made a mistake … I’m disappointed in myself for disappointing my fans. For me it was a bad decision, because of my fans and because of what I stand for.’ What does she stand for? Hyperbole out of the window, when I think of Cyrus, I think of her going braless, taking sexualised pictures sometimes with friends/ her assistant, and giggling in the bong video. Nothing non-sexual, and nothing moral. To be fair, Marie Claire challenges the lazy/ rehearsed wording of her statement meant to placate angry parents, asking ‘But do you really think it was a mistake?’ And good for them. She’s sorry she got caught in a scandal. Again. That’s all.
Miley Cyrus is, like, a totally awesome role model, yooguise. The 18-year-old has been voted ‘Worst Influence’, again, by the readers of teenage-interest site, JSYK.com. She won over Lindsay Lohan, Demi Lovato, and Amber Portwood. So, she won over someone with an admitted addiction problem (who thumbs her nose repeatedly at the rehabilitation process), someone who also has provocative pictures, and someone who got knocked-up and faces federal charges for neglect of that child. Okay, sure. It’s probably because the singer spent half of last year not wearing a bra and mistakenly using her nipples as light sabers. And the other half posing for sexually provocative/ questionably pictures like these, this one, this one, and these. Jezebel.com calls the singer’s past year, ‘mild antics,’ blithely ignoring the things she’s actually spent the year doing; posing with her tongue out and making blow job faces whenever someone pointed their iPhone at her, and getting high. A legal high, sure. But a high that spiked sales of that drug and further influenced those unfortunate enough to look to her as a role model. NY Daily News points out Cyrus won by a landslide. It wasn’t even close, ‘the 18-year-old took in a whopping 58% of the 99,000 votes in the poll for AOL’s JSYK (Just So You Know) website, which has a target audience of 9-15 year olds.’
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