When January Jones touched Liam Hemsworth’s special places in the back of a cab on Oscar night, Miley Cyrus promised to stop living her life so publicly on Twitter because it was only hurting her personal life trying to explain in 140 characters or less why she would settle for Jones’ leftovers. But she stuck to that ‘promise’ for all of a month, because she’s back to over-sharing about her ex-boyfriend Nick Jonas. After being spotted enjoying lunch after they ‘ran into each other’, Cyrus explained, as the Governator would say, eating isn’t cheating. In a rant OMG Yahoo! notes has since been deleted, she wrote, ‘I literally haven’t seen Nick Jonas in years. Don’t believe everything you read folks. Why are magazines allowed to publish straight bull s**t. Look at my profile pic. Look at my finger. Idiots. I couldn’t have ‘ran’ into anyone because I haven’t went to eat out in public in weeks because of the amount of paparazzi outside my house.’ Sourced told HollywoodLife.com, though, ‘[There was] absolutely no romantic vibe at all, at any time while they ate and while they were there. It seemed more like a meeting than a friendly chit chat or get together… it was a more serious tone, based on their demeanor. They seemed to be having a business meeting, they were on their phones and then they left without incident. They left separately. Liam was fully aware that she was out with him, there is nothing to worry about at all.’
This is moot because the whole world is January Jones’ sloppy seconds, but Miley Cyrus is reportedly desperate to win back the man who may or may not have left a baby in Jones’ butt (science has come along leaps and bounds and, until we’re 3D printing our illegitimate children, we’re able to keep our figures by growing them in the butt). Liam Hemsworth publicly cheated then fled the country to be with ‘family’ that doesn’t include his future wife so of course SHE is trying to win HIM back by basically begging through the press. His side keeps leaking that he’s ‘over it’ and the relationship is ‘done’ and her side keeps leaking that he looks great with his shirt off so there’s got to be some middle ground here. A source tells People.com ‘they split for now.’ Adding, ‘[Miley] has no plans to see Liam but seems to be clinging to hope that they will get back together. Miley hasn’t canceled the wedding.’ A source tells Us Weekly, ‘Miley and Liam are talking,’ while he’s hiding his shame on another continent. ‘But he needed a [break].’
Despite tripping and falling into the bottomless pit that is January Jones’ vagina, Liam Hemsworth is somehow leaking information about his relationship that I assume is being decoded from smoke signals seen 100 miles away. A ‘source’ who knows that white smoke=good, black smoke=bad translated this whole thing… or Siri knows smoke signals and I’m giving a real person too much credit.
‘They’ll probably end up together, but Miley is just giving him hell right now and trying to publicly humiliate him,’ says the source. ‘They were always arguing about the company she kept and her actions with alcohol and stuff, and it made him especially uncomfortable when he was not home to supervise. Plus, Miley isn’t looking so fierce these days and Liam hasn’t really been feeling her look.’
‘The second Miley caught wind of Liam being unfaithful she took that as an opportunity to rip into him because he made her feel guilty all the time about her behavior. But she never cheated on him,’ the source continues. ‘Liam’s PR firm has been trying to break them up for years. They think she is bad news for his image. He could be such a bigger star if he weren’t tied down to her. He’s getting a lot of work but all the outlets ever want to talk about is Miley and it’s really frustrating for him. If Miley has her way, the breakup won’t last because she’s head over heels for Liam and ultimately doesn’t want to lose him. But now that Liam is taking some time away from her, he might come to the realization that she’s not the best fit for him. And that terrifies Miley.’
I ignored this story originally because, although probably true, it was boring and convoluted and ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat. Except the fallout from the paparazzi catching Liam Hemsworth sharing a car with January Jones is the elixir that gives me life. Which I totally do have time for. Quitting social media because that’s what adults do when they’re angry, Miley Cyrus responded to Life & Style, In Touch, and Us Weekly claiming the wedding is off.
Miley Cyrus is in New York where her boobs tried to jump out of this outfit and out of the Rachel Zoe fashion show at New York Fashion Week. And here she is leaving her hotel to go to at least her third fashion show this week and if the sweater looks familiar it’s because it’s the Marc Jacobs worn by Dakota Fanning on the cover of Glamour that apparently fit neatly into Miley Cyrus’ purse.
Here is Miley Cyrus leaving her hotel to go to the Rachel Zoe fashion show at NYFW. And underneath the jacket that’ll fit nicely into my purse is a red jumpsuit out of which her pillows are trying to escape because no one actually finds runways that interesting. Included are candids and Twitter photos.