Turns out Cameron Diaz was reading words at gunpoint back in November when she said this, ‘I think every woman does want to be objectified. There’s a little part of you at all times that hopes to be somewhat objectified and I think its healthy.’ Because that’s not Cameron Diaz’s outside voice, it’s Esquire UK editor Alex Bilmes’ outside voice. She covered Esquire UK the same month looking like Terry Richardson does pap smears now and here’s Blimes using the same words to describe his cover subjects, ‘The women that we feature in the magazine are ornamental. That is how we see them. I could lie to you and say they’re interested in their brains as well, but on the whole, we’re not. They’re there to be beautiful objects. They’re objectified. There are certain times when we just want to look at them cause they’re sexy. One of the things men like is picture of pretty girls. So we provide them with pictures of pretty girls. And those pretty girls, for that purpose, they are ornamental. We also provide them with pictures of cool cars, or whatever. It’s a thing that you might want to look at. We’re at least, or possibly more, ethnically diverse [than other magazines]. More shape-diverse. We also have older women. Not really old, but in their 40s… Cameron Diaz was on the cover three issues ago. She’s in her 40s.’
Apparently it’s okay to casually mention your bra size, in any context, repeatedly and even when you’re not asked directly, which makes me feel better about telling the girl at the grocery self-checkout when she asked whether I had any coupons. Because Sofia Vergara’s bra size already made the COVER of Allure September 2012. And now she’s talking about it again in Vogue, explaining it takes top men… TOP… MEN… to keep her boobs in order. Talking about dressing for the red carpet, the 40-year-old explains ‘I mean, a normal girl will just put the dress on and leave. I need them to be like an armory… You know, I am 40 years old, I had a baby, and I am a 32F boob and they are real still. When they are fake, you take the bra off and they are still there, perfect! Me… no, so I have to bring them up!’ She adds, her gowns are ’like a work of art inside’ lifting her boobs, and some top men ’cannot even fit’ them. She continues, ‘I spend more money on tweaking and fixing the clothes than the actual clothes… I think when you’re so voluptuous it’s kind of difficult to look chic. When I was younger, I though I had to accentuate my boobs all the time because I come from the Latin culture… Now, I try to be a little bit more conservative, for example, if I am wearing a low-cut dress, I don’t wear a miniskirt. So now I am balanced.’
Here’s Nicki Minaj on the cover of Elle Magazine where I guess we’re never going to address her prosthetic ass because the Real Housewives Rules of Plastic Surgery says it only counts if you got work done from the neck up.
InStyle is made of lies since this is supposed to be Zooey Deschanel’s face.
Selena Gomez covers Harper’s Bazzar April 2013 in a series of photos one can safely assume were taken by touching the tip of Terry Richardson’s d**k to an iPhone. Also assuming that iPhone was probably inside Richardson at one point, it all went better than expected.
Taylor Swift’s shtick during interviews involves deflecting personal questions by talking about glitter, and ponies, and her favourite colour and her hopes to one day own a glitter pony in her favourite colour. Except that doesn’t work in a grown ups magazine that regularly puts dead celebrities on its covers because those are the only celebrities its readers know. And so she got called out, hard, for her amateur PR games and little girl outside voice by a grown up journalist who did not have time for Swift’s s**t. For example, her interview opens with this lie and the rest of the interview goes downhill from there: ‘If you want some big revelation, since 2010 I have dated exactly two people [Conor Kennedy and Harry Styles]… It’s why I have to avoid the tabloid part of our culture, because they turn you into a fictional character.’ Most of the rest comes from a ‘source’ Swift ‘authorised to talk about her.’ More below.