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Posts Tagged ‘Hilton’

Paris Hilton Weight Gain Is Her Normal Weight

Feb 24th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Paris Hilton has addressed her recent weight gain. That’s actual weight gain and not the Photoshopped ‘before and after’ pictures used to shill the mid-week tabloids. Hilton, who’s clearly missed the spotlight since it was taken by ex-friends Kim Kardashian and Nicole Richie, is making some kind of comeback. I can’t really be sure to what end she’s coming back. What she’s coming back from. Or why. But she’s back. And she’s filming another reality show and she’s making talk show appearances with nothing else to promote. Celebitchy.com has a great article addressing Hilton’s weight and quotes the 30-year-old, who thinks she ‘still looks 20,’ from the print edition of OK! Rather than go the Kardashian route and shill a year’s worth of Lies&Style diet covers, Hilton takes a more refreshing approach. She let the herp germs wither her digestive system so she could be wicked thin again. I jest. She said, when asked about the gain, ‘I was underweight. Now I’m a normal weight. [Cy and I] go on jogs every morning.’

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Pictures from Paris Hilton’s 30th Birthday Party

Feb 17th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Paris Hilton is 30. She celebrated the event with a rather dreary and poorly-attended birthday party in Hollywood, CA. I guess we should be thankful she’s not in full slore costume. And she’s wearing panties. And we can’t see her labia. From this angle. But she still found an excuse to dress like she would be charging for the party by the hour. The only other person I have pictures of attending is Kathy Griffin, who showed up in her underwear. You couldn’t have paid me to attend and sit around in the dark in my bra and panties. I hope she didn’t charge like Kim Kardashian did for her 30th. For me, this is a normal Thursday. And I can sit around my house in my underwear in the dark any time I want. Speaking about hitting 30 and perhaps having to grow up now that 40 is her next milestone, Hilton exhibited suitable levels of denial. She told Britain’s Closer Magazine, ‘I’m freaking out. I can’t believe I’m going to be 30. But at least I still look like I’m 20.’ No. You look closer to a washed-up 40. Don’t flatter yourself.

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Paris Hilton Vogue Turkey Cover February 2011

Jan 27th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Paris Hilton covers Vogue Turkey February 2011. As reported earlier, this is a Terry Richardson cover. Which explains the horrible lighting and tacky Nylon-style pose. Nylon magazine this is not, Richardson. Enough with taking and lighting pictures on your Blackberry and passing them off as art. It’s pretty much already sacrilege that Hilton has scored a Vogue cover, even a non-American one. Don’t rub it in. This is what appears to be a real and leaked cover for Hilton’s issue. The same way we saw Kristen Stewart’s American Vogue cover, for February, days before it was released, Hilton’s has been shot and then released unofficially by someone else waving their penis at the establishment. Hilton’s wearing, or should I say appears to be wearing, Uncle Terry’s molester glasses. She’s also wearing a red sweater and a black leather jacket. As though all the styling in the world can distract from her deliberate use of ‘blow job face.’ She’s pretty much going, ‘WHEE, AN INVISIBLE PENIS.’ Because the heiress still thinks her mouth hanging open is sexy when she is turning 30-years-old on February 17 this year.

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Paris Hilton Vogue Cover Shot By Uncle Terry

Jan 13th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Paris Hilton will cover Vogue magazine. Hilton has been on Vanity Fair covers, multiple Elle covers, and a Vogue Paris cover. Someone, somewhere must have flipped through them, while expelling last night’s taters, and realised that 2007 was totally cool again. Don’t worry, suddenly-panicked American readers, she’s not going to be herp-infesting a newsstand near you any time soon. You can put away your Marigolds and family-size bottle of Purell; save that for tonight’s activities… the safety word is ‘Funyuns’. Hilton shared on her Twitter account that she would pose for Vogue Turkey. Her cover was shot by Terry Richardson.

In related news, Rihanna has scored an American Vogue cover, her first, as shot by Annie Leibovitz. The singer told Twitter fans she’s just wrapped that shoot.

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Picture of Paris Hilton’s Christmas Card 2010

Dec 21st, 2010
by Amy Grindhouse.
3 comments

Christmas cards usually come with too much glitter, which then gets all over your clothes/ carpet/ in your eyes. Son of a b**ch. And some of us, sometimes, eat said glitter, because pooping things that are sparkly is second only to having ‘your bowel movements smell like bakery fresh cinnamon rolls.’ Or taking pills with little gold flakes to make your poop gold. Mmm, gold. Other cards come with free Herpes, or an STD of your choice. As with this card, which comes straight from Paris Hilton’s diseased camel toe. In case you’re wondering why I’m posting this now… yes, I did see it when released last week, but I could only find lower quality images and ones with an enormous watermark from Radar. So, here’s her crotch as not brought to you by the harbingers of 75% of all lies told in 2010.

Paris Hilton Showing Camel Toe and Cleavage

Dec 20th, 2010
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Herpes Barbie remembered to bring her push-up bra in her Barbie-pink hold-all, this weekend. The celebrity, left behind as ex-friends like Nicole Riche get married and have children, is showing no signs of growing up. Despite being herpes-riddled and turning 30 in February 2011. The 29-year-old’s favourite game, other than ‘Spread the Cooties’, is ‘Pad the Cleavage’. She’s pretty much flat-chested, obvious when she turns sideways, and has to stuff Kim Kardashian’s emergency supply of Charmin down her water bra just to get some lift down there. In just about every picture, where she’s spent the morning beforehand stuffing, Hilton’s the most fascinated with her own creation. She stares at her own chest like she’s surprised it’s there and as though she’s going to miss it as soon as she needs to go number one and wipe. Hilton is shown as she presents the SupermatXe Motorcycle Team at Hotel ME in Madrid, Spain on December 18, 2010. And later, at the Supermartxe VIP Party at Fabrik disco, where my photo agency assume she’s pregnant in a set labelled ‘Paris Hilton’s Mystery Bump… Baby Or Weight Gain’ because of her stomach sticking out. Which it always does. Her stomach’s never been flat (this is the same agency that announces Jennifer Garner and Gwen Stefani pregnant on alternate weeks because they have no common sense/ don’t know people gain weight during the holidays).

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