Posts Tagged ‘Heidi Montag’

This cover, to be clear, is horses**t. But it made me giggle. This is some magazine of which I’ve never heard. Judging from the bylines of ‘Kim Tells: I’m Having A Facelift (And A Boob Job)’ and the picture of Paris Hilton in the bottom right that was stretched horizontally in MS Paint to make her look heavier than she is, NW is sub-Lies&Style. Which takes some doing. On a cover that takes an unflattering picture and does its MS Paint-y best to make Heidi Montag look wider too, she’s compared to what I can only assume is a Photoshopped image, from around 2007, of her ribs sticking out and the caption ‘Heidi’s Shock New Curves.’ Unless she’s eaten her implants, or the material injected into her face was 100% carbs, I doubt she’s this big. However, I couldn’t help but think how nuts this cover would make her after spending so long trying to become perfect by the art of ritual mutilation. She’ll lipo herself out of existence now, right?

Pictures below, for comparison, show Montag hosting a Halloween Party at PURE Nightclub at the Caesars Palace Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas in October 2010.

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These images are from mid-December’s Lies&Style issue. I’ve already posted the cover, and some of the early scans from the issue showing Heidi Montag’s surgery scars. Scars she complained about, despite this not being her first round of elective cosmetic surgery. I guess people really want to see just how much Montag jacked up every square inch of her body… and we pretty much see taint scars, so she didn’t miss anywhere. Lies&Style have pictures of almost all of Montag’s bikini-clad body. Except for her breasts, which, as I mentioned before, she’s pretending she’s too shy to show. The headline for the comically-long interview is ‘Surgery Made Me Look Worse’. Below are additional images of her butt scars, scars behind her ears, before (any surgery) and after bikini pictures.

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Yesterday, we were treated to a Lies&Style cover with Heidi Montag’s frozen attempt at sad face. The reality star, still enjoying covers awarded for narcissism, tells Lies&Style about her botched surgeries and basically blames her deceased doctor, again, for inflicting horrible cosmetic surgery scars all over her body. If you click the image to go to the gallery, and then once again from the gallery, you’ll see this in full size and be able to read its text. It says things like ‘My Worst Scars: What I’m Too Embarrassed to Show’, claiming that she’s not going topless to show the worst scars; her boobs were operated on multiple times, hence multiple deep wounds. And, it claims, ‘Montag was so afraid someone would bump her delicate nose, she constantly shielded her face [with her hand].’ Sure, why not. She hacked away at her chin and wrecked that too. I’ll bite. The main byline reads, ‘My Scars Are A Constant Reminder That I Made A Mistake’. Um, she went in for surgery more than once. Whatever. Oh, and one image top right shows some of the scarring on her breasts, part-covered by her clothing, if you’re in the mood for stuffed silicone for pre-Christmas dinner.

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Heidi Montag’s feigned body dysmorphia is sponsored by Life&Style magazine, as seen above. They seem to be the only ones really willing to indulge her idiocy, self-mutilation (yes, I’m still calling it that), and publishing whatever fantastical tales she comes up with each week. It appears everyone else has become wise to her and has stopped giving cover issues dedicated to her excessive surgeries and beard status. Montag is in the new issue, another image for which is below. The magazine claim to have an ‘exlcusive’ interview and photo shoot, something that seems to be the case and so we can comfortably ignore the six-month-old Kourtney Kardashian bikini picture used on the cover, with a regurgitated byline about her weight loss. Montag is showing self-inflicted scars from elective cosmetic surgeries. Something that would make her frown with the sads, if she were still able to frown after the extensive work done on her face. ‘Parts of my body definitely look worse than they did presurgery,’ she told Lies&Style exclusively at a photo shoot on December 2, 2010. ‘This is not what I signed up for.’ She adds, ‘The big dark mark from my chin reduction is probably the most noticeable. But the absolute worst is on my breasts, and the scariest is below my butt cheek; people have fewer scars from car accidents than I have on my body.’ Inhale, there’s more. ‘I would love to not be ‘plastic girl’ or whatever they call me. Surgery ruined my career and my personal life and just brought a lot of negativity into my world. I wish I could jump into a time machine and take it all back. Instead, I’m always going to feel like Edward Scissorhands.’ She has scars. Something about which she seems surprised. And she wants sympathy. Anyone?

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This is something I spied over at Pop Eater, that made me laugh in a way posts rarely do. They pointed out, using the images above, that Heidi Montag’s extensive rounds of self-mutilation have come full circle; that is to say, there was a point where she could only look so different (short of getting surgery to transform herself into a Black man)… now her face almost looks like when she started. The photo on the far right, the most recent, shows the 24-year-old on the beach in Costa Rica with tape on her nose as, ‘Except for filming and a few photo shoots, I’ve had my nose tape on 24 hours a day since November’. She continues in an interview with Life&Style magazine, ‘It takes a year for your nose to heal. This is just the first photo that anyone has seen of it’. The photo on the far left, per the early couple of pictures on the Heidi Montag Plastic Surgery Timeline, shows the sex tape star before getting work done.