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Posts Tagged ‘Fashion’

So, Justin Bieber Is Supposed To Be Peter Pan?

May 24th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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This is the commercial for his new fragrance in which Justin Bieber is basically Peter Pan and the girl is supposed to be Wendy or something. I dunno, I could be wrong. I don’t even know if Disney movies are the last places from which celebrities are ripping off their narratives. This recently-released commercial is for a perfume with the single ugliest packaging I’ve ever seen. At the beginning, the girl sprays herself with the Bieber flop sweat in a bottle before he flies in like some sex pest. Before the authorities can be called, he whisks the girl away on the promise he’s totes going to thank her with his penis for purchasing his scent.

Speaking to Ryan Seacreast, Bieber admitted his creepy fixation with girls’ necks.

‘I want to be smelling the girl’s neck. I want to tell the girls what I like and what I think is… attractive to me. So I wanted to make a fragrance that I think will be appealing and make me want to chase the girl that I smell. It smells really good, not strong; it’s like a nice, spring, light smell.’

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Khloe Kardashian No Like… KHLOE SMAAASH!

May 13th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
3 comments

These are stills from security footage of Khloe Kardashian storming Times Square in New York City this morning. I don’t know how these images came out so clear instead of some Cloverfield/ One Night In Paris grainy, nightvision dealy. You can see Kardashian as she prepares to SMAAASH one of those terrifying, blinking billboards that causes her undue alarm. She’s just standing there in her jeans, jeans shirt and jeans jacket, shortly before going to a local whorehouse. Or I’ve been watching too much Family Guy. Pictures below of Kardashian wearing an all-denim onesie that was stolen from Jennifer Lopez’s closet back in 2001.

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Vanessa Hudgens Is Getting Better At Flashing

May 10th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Vanessa Hudgens is already struggling to explain why her nude leaks coincide with her movie release dates. As such, she’s coming up with ever more creative ways to flash you her goods. This is what she’s resorting to; cocking her leg, in a dress practically cut up to her navel. At least this way she’s not having to squat over her iPhone like she’s giving her ‘Strip Search App’ a whirl. Hudgens wore this to the Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 premiere this weekend and everyone got a good look at her taint. And yet no one risked a virus in doing so. Everybody wins.

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Scarlett Johansson Still Looks Like A Dead Body

Apr 19th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
2 comments

Scarlett Johansson, whose boyfriend looks like this shirtless, is unfortunate-looking in this advert. She’s pretty, yes… like a pretty dead body. It’s not just me, right? It’s something between her pose and her eyes in every advert for Dolce & Gabbana. It’s been noted before that Johansson’s always posed by Dolce & Gabbana like a member of the breathing-challenged. As you can see from her old campaigns, below, she’s always staged laying down, arms skewiff, eyes vacant. Each advert looks like the window for one of those drive-through funeral places where you can see the casket through a little window. Assuming no one’s yelling that they want fries with the cosmetics promoted, I think we’re okay.

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Kirsten Dunst’s Alone Time With Bulgari Lion

Apr 19th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Kirsten Dunst dusted off what I thought was a cross-eyed reject prop from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Turns out, that ‘toy,’ with two left eyes pointing inward, was a real lion. It’s not a stuffed sex toy with which she’s having alone time. Which makes the below commercials the world’s-fanciest bestiality porn. Or something. In any case, if you ever wanted to know how that filth was filmed there’s a making-of, below, for her Bulgari Mon Jasmin Noir commercial.

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Blake Lively’s Look Is Too Low-Rent For Chanel?

Mar 30th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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In news that will surprise no one who knows of the irrational hatred fashion people have against the innocent breasts of Blake Lively, it’s reported some people at Chanel US are unhappy with the choice of the actress as ‘face of the brand.’ She wasn’t so much hired as the ‘face,’ but as the ‘hair and left arm’ of Chanel, in the weirdly-composed advert that went to lengths to cover the assets they’d paid for. In any case, her arm and hair aren’t good enough for fashion purists. According to NY Daily News, there have been ‘internal grumblings’ that Lively’s look is ‘off-brand.’ Moreover, their bellyaching is ‘the fashion industry’s clinical way of saying that Lively’s contemporary American beauty does not dovetail with Chanel USA’s efforts to sell its fashions as the height of European sophistication.’ I guess that’s why she’s showing the world’s sexist armpits, rather than being face-on with the product. If the brand thought she was so low-rent and unpolished, they shouldn’t have hired someone from a glorified tween television show; the same show that’s produced gems like Taylor Momsen.

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