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Posts Tagged ‘Fail’

Lynne Spears Wins EPIC Fail Mother 2008

Sep 4th, 2008
by Amy Grindhouse.
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spears-book

Fooking hell, I am spending too much time writing about this woman today!

Why must the retelling of the cause of Britney Spears‘ breakdown be so enthralling? [Website – Amy Grindhouse]

Mother of ‘The Cheeto’, Lynne Spears, is set to release a tell-all book, entitled ‘Throught The Storm’, 16 Septmeber.

But unfortunately for Lynne, major details of the book have been leaked to the media, that make her look like EPIC fail mother of the year!

Lynne Spears claims Britney was drinking not long after joining joined Disney’s Mickey Mouse Club, a U.S. variety television show.

Mrs Spears also says her daughter lost her virginity aged 14 to an 18-year-old high school football player soon after she quit the programme.

A source has told how Britney was dating the football star while at school, and how her mother encouraged the relationship because she thought it would make her more popular.

The budding singer spent a lot of time at her boyfriend’s house and eventually lost her virginity there.

Her mother later admitted she regretted allowing her to date an older boy but still allowed her to share her bedroom with new boyfriend, Justin Timberlake.

Mrs Spears was said to be sure the teenagers were having sex.

She did not raise any objections because she thought Britney was in love and Justin was good for her.

The book also reveals that she knew Britney, then 15, was experimenting with drugs when she went to Los Angeles to record her breakthrough album ‘Baby One More Time’.

She thought she was going through the typical teenage problems, but they seemed to be more than that, when the singer was allegedly caught boarding a private plane aged 16, cocaine and marijuana was found in her bag.

Britney was caught by her mother drinking alcohol as young as 13 but she reportedly didn’t mind her children drinking as long as she was there.

She appeared to have little control over her daughter’s party lifestyle, and by the age of 16, Britney was frequenting bars in New Orleans with her brother Bryan, who is five years older than her.

Brit Brit had no chance to grow up to be a normal adult, with a childhood like that.

Nor did I, for that matter.

Funny story, I had near the exact same childhood…

From ages 4 and up, it was all drink, drugs and rock and roll (lols). That’s how I turned into the sterling person I am today ;)

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John Mayer Is Worth $200

Aug 25th, 2008
by Amy Grindhouse.
5 comments

John Mayer’s stock is not what it used to be [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

The L.A. paparazzi have fallen out of love with the star. They claim Mayer is only worth anything to the media when he is hanging off the arm of a female A-Lister, for example, his ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston. Right now Mayer can’t get arrested in L.A. Where is the love?

According to D Listed:

A source told MSNBC’s The Scoop that John has been tipping off the paps to his whereabouts but they can’t be bothered. The source said, “He thinks he’s famous as Jen now. Last week he went to a party, tipped off the paps, and even had decoy cars at the ready when he was leaving. Nice, but no one bothered to follow them, which made John think he ‘lost’ everyone, when really no one bothered to follow him.”

One pap said it’s all about money. An exclusive picture of Mayer and Aniston sold for around $20,000. A picture of Mayer by himself only gets $200 from a magazine.

P.S. I know the above is a shitty picture that looks nothing like Mayer. I only chose it ‘cos it makes him look a bit like Prison Break EPIC Sexi Piece of Azz – 2.0: Wentworth Miller (Michael Scofield).

[IMAGE CREDIT: Pacific Coast News]

Amy Grindhouse © all rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only.

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Dane Cook: 10 Reason To Hate ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’ Movie Poster

Aug 12th, 2008
by Amy Grindhouse.
3 comments

Some sources say Dane Cook is a big sissy girl. Others say he is somewhat dishy if you like that kind of thing, but he can rant and drivel on like a little girl [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

Comedian/actor Dane Cook claims to hate his latest movie’s poster and he has even blogged about 10 reasons why on his MySpace blog (see, big sissy girl):

“Dear Diary,

Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, My Best Friends Girl, is the best / funniest film I’ve done yet. It’s got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself [sic] really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It’s a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.

That being said, let me address the fact that although I’m not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self-promoting. I’d like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in. Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:

1. Graphics: Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using “You Suck at Photoshop” templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head: The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears’ [sic] (VJJ).

3. The Stare: My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudson’s hair. Kate’s mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half-stunned, half-corsage.

4. Lips: It looks like I’m wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My character’s name is now Winter Solstice and I’m a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion: My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It’s going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I’m also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

6. Flesh: It’s no secret that I’m more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I’ve got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the f—in’ bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond’s dolls would look at me and say “s— … that guys got flawless skin!”

7. Hair: It’s actually a close up shot of Tom Selleck’s Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin’.

8. The set: Pick one. This entire film takes place:

A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast: Alec Baldwin is so f—ing funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts: I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn’t the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.

Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) click on the link at the top of this page.

PS – “Its funny what love can make you do.” I just threw up all over this awful poster. Wow, wait … it looks better.

Hey … I love my new movie. Jeez … it IS funny what love can make you do.”

Amy Grindhouse © all rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only.
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Singer Jo Jo Turned Down ‘Hannah Montana’ Role

Aug 10th, 2008
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Hahaha. I don’t really care about this skank, but I read the headline ‘Jo Jo said no no to ‘Hannah Montana’ role’ and it was too funny not to write about.

Singer, Joanna “JoJo” Levesquentrary, best known for her (only) hit ‘Get Out’ (below), turned down the lead role in the teen hit ‘Hannah Montana’, that was later given to Miley Cyrus. This has to be a casting fail of epic proportions. Poor biotch, bet she cries herself to sleep at night, just like I do.

I don’t really care about Miley Cyrus either. However, she is famous and making more money than me at $18 million per year, so I guess she wins.

According to NY Daily News:

She’s got to be kicking herself for not taking the role that made young Miley Cyrus an overnight singing sensation. But JoJo is sticking to her guns.”No regrets. No regrets at all,” the 17-year-old told Extra. “Yeah, they offered me the role…[But] it’s not really what I see for myself.”

Hindu Leader Asks For Myers ‘Love Guru’ Apology

Aug 4th, 2008
by Amy Grindhouse.
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A Hindu leader has asked Mike Myers to personally apologise for his Fail! movie ‘The Love Guru’ [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

The Universal Society of Hinduism are reportedly upset at the mocking stereotypes Myers portayed in the film, which “lampoon Hinduism”.

In a statement released to WENN on Monday, the group’s leader Rajan Zed said that although the apology may not completely undo the damage done to the community, it might help “heal the wounds somewhat of a disturbed Hindu populace”.

Zed, the man who urged Hindu’s to boycott the film’s opening, went on to say:

“Ksama, or forgiveness, is one of the main virtues of Hindu ethics. If Mike Myers offers a genuine public apology, Hindus would not only absolve him but might also pray for his success in future movies.”


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Josh Hartnett Gets Rejected

Aug 4th, 2008
by Amy Grindhouse.
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My pretend husband, Josh ‘sexi-smokers-voice’ Hartnett was turned away from a London hot-spot… twice. A daily rag that I read on my way home from work, The London Paper says that Harnett tried to gain entry to the swanky Roof Gardens in Kensington.

The door staff, turned him away both because he was wearing trainers and they had no idea who he was.

“They didn’t recognise him at all,” an onlooker told theBuzz.

Like a nice little celebrity, Hartnett didn’t strop, but instead turned around to make his way to another establishment.

“Josh was really calm about it all. He was going to find another bar until his friend went and pleaded with door staff.”

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