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Posts Tagged ‘Celebrity Babies’

Jessica Alba Births Baby Haven Garner Warren

Aug 15th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Jessica Alba has given birth to her second daughter on a weekend full of baby announcements. Is this Children of The Damned… I know your game, babies! I KNOW YOUR GAME!!! Alba decided to give her second daughter a normal name too, since stupid names have become so last year. Announcing the birth on Facebook, an hour ago, Alba confirmed, ‘Hi everyone! Hope you’re enjoying the weekend. Cash and I are so excited to announce the birth of our daughter, Haven Garner Warren. She was born on Saturday, weighed 7lbs, and was 19 inches long. Healthy and happy! Big Sister Honor couldn’t be more excited about the new addition to our family. Thank you for all of your support during my pregnancy.’ I love how parents add comments about how the sibling is coping, like a sibling that young cares. ‘Dude, I just want to finger paint. BTW, how is babby formed?’

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Hilary Duff Confirmed Pregnant With First Child

Aug 15th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Because apparently baby things are catching now, Hilary Duff is pregnant. She’s pregnant nine months after everyone else made it cool. So at least she’s not being a damn hipster about it. And she won’t be giving birth any time soon, like the other celebrities who got knocked-up and got engaged at Christmas. Duff announced on her slow-loading sh**ty website that she’s expecting her first baby with husband Mike Comrie. The baby was ordered on their one-year wedding anniversary. Because that is how babby is formed. ‘This weekend, Mike and I are celebrating our one year anniversary… I can’t believe it has already been a year. Time really flies when you’re having fun! We also want to share the exciting news that baby makes three! We are extremely happy and ready to start this new chapter of our lives. Thanks to everyone for the continued love and support throughout the years!’ Duff and Comrie got married August 14, 2010. ‘We both love kids and we’re really excited,’ she told Us Weekly, Wednesday, before the announcement. ‘It was a big deal for us because we had a year to be married.’

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Tina Fey Births Baby Penelope Athena Richmond

Aug 15th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Tina Fey’s womb is finally free of that bothersome baby thing that threatened to burst through her vagina like the baby aliens from Alien. That’s how baby’s are born, right? That, specifically, is why I don’t want one. I don’t really want to die a bloody death after one of those things rips their way out. I’d rather have random hobos check my womb, weekly, to make sure there’s nothing in there (on the promise of free tea). That’s how I’ve stayed alive. And whatever I’m doing is obviously working. Fey just got lucky, REEEAL LUCKY. Her rep told People, of her ‘easy’ pregnancy, that she birthed Penelope Athena Richmond on Wednesday. This is the comedienne’s second daughter with her husband, Jeffrey Richmond.

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Jessica Alba Hopes Her Kids Aren’t Child Stars

Aug 11th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Jessica Alba will be giving interviews up until the first contraction. Seriously, she’s everywhere right now because she’s promoting an awful kids’ movie that can’t be helped even with the most enthusiastic promotion (a movie that pretends to understand/ be 4D). And she’s given another interview in which she discusses her baby thing. Because she’s a woman and that’s what we do. She avoids throwing anyone under the bus in this interview and she doesn’t bemoan the career that made her famous or chide every producer/ director/ actor with whom she’s worked. Alba’s sticking to her own children. Phew. No need for the pitchforks, folks. Maybe next time. Asked whether she was passing a nation of Lohans out of her special places, Alba said no; she’s not raising child stars.

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Jennifer Aniston’s Food Baby Excites Tabloids

Aug 11th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Jennifer Aniston’s possible food baby covers at least three tabloids this week, because it’s easier to convince you of things that never happened if more than one magazine recycles its own five-year-old headlines and wishes into existence a real bump. Us Weekly’s cover this week insists Aniston’s trying for a baby. And the same picture of her in that loose purple shirt is used in each magazine. As no one wears baggy, comfortable shirts except women with bumps. Except the magazine can’t decide whether she’s pregnant or not. She’s trying on the cover, and yet she’s hiding a bump on the inside of the issue. Pregnancy is an absolute, she’s either pregnant or not. She’s not kind of pregnant. Or pregnant at all, for that matter. Aniston also covers Star, who attribute a fake quote to Aniston, ‘Yes, I’m having a baby.’ The part about talking to her boyfriends’s family is true… it’s just they never discuss Aniston or go further than Justin Theroux’s life in New York. InTouch is still talking about the non-existent wedding. The wedding no one’s planning because they’re not engaged (matching rings and meeting the parents don’t mean they’re engaged). There was some horses**t about them being pre-engaged, which also never happened. So, no, ITW, no shotgun wedding.

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Fantasia Barrino Pregnant By That Married Guy

Aug 2nd, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Fantasia Barrino is pregnant by the married man with whom she had an affair, with whom she’s alleged to have made a sex tape, and by whom she got pregnant only to abort that baby (the drama leading up to her suicide attempt because, evidently, she lives in a soap opera). This is the guy whose wife went running to the papers after Barrino decided to Alicia Keys/ LeAnn Rimes her way between the couple. Barrino was blamed in legal documents for breaking-up their marriage. But Barrino’s clearly happy to be with her worthless cheater man; because, when you’re thirsty, any piece of a man is better than no man at all. So, the singer and Antwaun Cook are still together and they were photographed in Barbados in June. And they’re expecting together, says RadarOnline.com, although Barrino didn’t confirm the father during an on-stage announcement.

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