Even though carrying babies in your own uterus is for the poors, Gwyneth Paltrow gave it a try and ended up with the babies she named after her favourite item at Whole Foods and a guy from the Bible. Sadly, the third time was really traumatic. So every time someone cloyingly asks whether she wants to shoehorn in another kid, they’re really asking about a pregnancy she endured already. She explains, ‘My children ask me to have a baby all the time. And you never know, I could squeeze one more in. I am missing my third. I’m thinking about it. But I had a really bad experience when I was pregnant with my third. It didn’t work out and I nearly died. So I am like, ‘Are we good here or should we go back and try again?”
In what’s about to be her third failed marriage because staying married would mean learning her own husband’s name, British model and train wreck Katie ‘Jordan’ Price has confirmed that she’s pregnant again. Which is the fourth child by three different men for those keeping tabs on her uterus. In what she’s not admitting was a shotgun wedding because her stripper husband Kieran Hayler didn’t mean to put a baby in there, Price told The Sun newspaper: ‘It’s come as a shock. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous because I’ve experienced miscarriages in the past. But we’re all over the moon. The baby wasn’t part of our plan at this stage but anyone who knows me knows I’m not one for sticking to rules and plans. I haven’t actually been sick yet but I’m already starting to feel it. I’m having to lie down a fair bit because my stomach feels like a washing machine.’
Fergie’s husband left the strippers alone for long enough to get Fergie pregnant. Which Fergie is happy about because settling for runner up in your own marriage is a good thing now. Well, however that baby got in there, it’s stuck in there real good. And so the parents-to-be are announcing the news by creeping you out using only MS Paint and their feet. Using her feet to crop this thing together, Fergie shared a photo that (I guess) she made of Little Fergie and Little Josh with the caption: ‘Josh & Me & BABY makes three!!! #mylovelybabybump’
Because January Jones really is too beautiful to hold her own baby, here she is setting him down to get his own damn eggs at the farmers market this weekend.
A few weeks ago, Shakira’s piece Gerard Piqué pranked his Twitter followers by claiming that a baby had come out of the singer a few weeks early. Which would have been hilarious if it were actually hilarious and if everyone knew the dates of every international ‘April Fool’s Day.’ But the baby was in there until this week because Shakira made an actual announcement on her website. Confirming the baby’s birth date, birth weight, the name, the name’s meaning, and the name’s etymology and pronunciation, this is the announcement that reads like it was pasted from People.com or someone who’s never even met the couple.
We are happy to announce the birth of Milan Piqué Mebarak, son of Shakira Mebarak and Gerard Piqué, born January 22nd at 9:36pm, in Barcelona, Spain. The name Milan (pronounced MEE-lahn), means dear, loving and gracious in Slavic; in Ancient Roman, eager and laborious; and in Sanskrit, unification. Just like his father, baby Milan became a member of FC Barcelona at birth. The hospital confirmed that the couple’s first child weighed approximately 6lbs. 6 ounces, and that both mother and child are in excellent health. [via Shakira's official website]
The first, last, and only arbiter of your reproductive choices, The Hunger Games actress Elizabeth Banks, says you’re a big fat phony if you’ve only ever pushed one baby out of you. Because f**k your life choices, that’s why, Banks said this in a recent interview with People Magazine: ‘Two [kids] is very different from one. When you have one kid, you feel like you can jet set around and you can throw him on the hip and you get your life done. You don’t realize how easy one is until you have two. Now I’m really a mom. Oh, I am a mom now! This is for serious… I am responsible for two people now.’