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Posts Tagged ‘Amy Winehouse’

Crackie McBeehive May Join Scientology

My near name-sake, Amy Winehouse, is the latest celebrity on the Lord Xenu’s hit-list [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

According to reports in today, my sexier doppelganger and her little-girl-lost ways, have garnered the attention of the sexi Martians at the Church of Scientology.

Now, before I even bother writing this post, I would just like to say that I have nothing against the Church of Scientology… Nope, not me… Nada!

How could I?

After all, they are all such hot biatches. Show me another church that is bursting at the seams with so many fiiine pieces of arse. Man, keepin’ it real, if regular churches were like that, I might actually go!

*Looks around the room to check if she has upset one of the sexi Scientology Martians… seems not…. takes off her foil cap and resumes blogging…*

Yeah, like I was saying, what a load of f*ckery!

The Wino a.k.a. Crackie McBeehive, allegedly received a call from the Scientology Center in Los Angeles.

At least that is what she thought… F*ck knows that when I call someone who is in the same city as me, from a spot in my house that has a sh*tty weak signal, they sound like they are on another planet. Sh*t knows how the Scientolo-dudes sounded calling Wino’s Camden crack-hovel, all the way from L.A.!

According to the Mirror:

Amy has told mates she received a “welcoming” phone call from the religious sect’s “celebrity centre” in LA.

“They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a programme so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential centre. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.”

I already signed up for this course. Sounded like a hoot, drugs or no drugs. That is why my caustic-witted writing style went down the sh*tter late last week. I was in my special classes, where I was too busy being a hot biatch to bother paying any attention to my blog. If it weren’t for you, my fiyahhh commenters, dude, I would have abandoned writing altogether and become a ‘celebrity-gossip auditor’ at the Scientolo-Center!

[IMAGE CREDIT: Pacific Coast News]

AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only.

The Wino Finally Bought A Mirror?

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My beloved Crackie ‘The Wino’ Winehouse was so cracked out yesterday that she missed her own burfday party Website – Amy Grindhouse]

The Sun, perhaps in a fit of bitchy rage, claimed that The Wino didn’t want to leave the house as she thought she looked too cracked out and ‘ugly’:

A pal said: “Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked.

“Unfortunately her lifestyle has had a major affect on her appearance and it’s only just started to sink in.

“She kept saying she was ugly and was in an awful state. They couldn’t get her out.

Remi had organised the night and made a huge effort. They had a huge row.

Amy can be very selfish — there was no convincing her and she ruined the night for everyone, including herself.”

Um… so it took her this long to acquire a mirror, look into it and realise how many different kinds of Hot-Tranny-Mess ™ she looked?

She doesn’t need a mirror, you guys could have told her that!

[Image courtesy of TheSun] AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only.

Who Loves The Wino?

Another day another Amy Winehouse partaaaaay story.

My arch-nemesis and (almost) namesake has today outdone herself. Reports are out today that our beloved Wino is not only a bit of a druggie, but a bit of  a boozer too *gasp*.

For an upcoming show that she is slated to put on in the Isle of Wight (UK), The Wino is ordering more alcohol than ‘she and her team could not possibly consume during their short stay’.

According to The Sun:

“It’s common for artists to make requests for food and beverages before they arrive. But organisers have heard Miss Winehouse has ordered in an extremely large amount of Jack Daniel’s, in fact, a ridiculous amount that she and her team could not possibly consume during their short stay. With Amy’s record this can mean failure to perform or giving a shambolic performance. Whiskey is better than heroin — but not 48 bottles of the stuff.”

Um… well maybe she is not drinking it. Maybe she is washing her hair in it, or bathing in it… OK, maybe not!

Indeed, booze is better than crack or A.N.Other narcotic, but not by much. Consuming her body weight in J.D. still makes it seem as though she still has a death wish.

Revenge Of The Wino

My arch-nemesis, a little know singer by the name of Amy Crackhouse (some affectionately call her Crackie for short) is on the rampage over the new 007 theme tune [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

Producers for (the EPIC fail named) ‘Quantum of Solace’ dumped Crackie’s version of the Bond theme for Alicia Keys and Jack White’s version due to her unreliability, or being a liability… whichever is funnier.

She has decided to it to release it anyway to prove it is better *drumroll please*

The girl they also call Wino reportedly told New Magazine (via Gigwise):

“I do think they could have waited a bit. If they want a worldwide hit I have them all up here (pointing to her beehive). I guess they are going for clean-cut and boring. When I do release mine – and I am tempted to do it on the same day – this would be the bigger hit.”

Amy Grindhouse © all rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only.
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