This is a terribly urgent update on the sex life of Heidi Montag and her flesh-colour bearded husband, Spencer Pratt, that I must let you know right now.
I know that you worry so, whenever more than one week goes by where the sex-capades of these two idiots are not laid bare. Well, worry no more. None other than CNN is here to give you a short, sharp update as to how often Montag and Pratt are doing the nasty.
Why do CNN care, you ask? I know not. But I do know enough to assume that this coverage on CNN indicates a fair likelihood that the wars of the world are over, and the ills of the world are cured. Perhaps. You see, I was too scared to actually check their homepage to verify the aforementioned. But there’s just no other reason I can fathom, as to why else they would ever cover this.
Speaking to the New York Post’s PopWrap on Tuesday, Pratt, 26, said that he’s tried to prevent Montag, 23, from realizing her dreams of becoming a young mother, by refusing her sex. “I’m not even kidding, my wife. OK, I’m gonna get crass here, but we’re barely having sex because I’m scared that she’s gonna have a baby,” he said. “That’s the level our marriage is on right now. I’m not even kidding, my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts.”
Behind his abstinence is his fear that Montag might go off her birth control without telling him, he said. “She’s not the kind of person who would lie. She would just walk away and not answer the question,” he said. “So yes, I’m very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently.” (via CNN)
Image credit to Fame Pictures. Story via CNN.
Undoubtedly. I can’t imagine either of them being any good at it.
It’s for the best and for once I agree with his logic that the world is better off without a mini-Speidi.
This is for the best. Them having kids would be a disaster and a half!
And this is why my girl uses the nuvaring. I know she’s on that shit, no skippin pills for us…
It’s sad he can’t trust his own wife’s actions. He needs to get her on something like that so she can’t skip either.
To be fair (TMI Time, Kids!) I always pull out anyway. I trust science, but, I don’t trust my girlfriend’s hyperactive Mexican Uterus. (And she doesn’t want me to do that either…)
*Dies…* Bwahahaha