Shania Twain is engaged. Which is news to me. Because I’d forgotten she was alive. And being alive is kind of a precursor to becoming engaged. My teacher told me so. Twain, who was apparently in a position to become re-married since I last paid any attention, will marry Nestle executive Frederic Thiebaud. Her spokesperson confirms the news to Us Weekly, in what I’m assuming is the year’s slowest week for covers. Seriously. Twain, 45, becomes engaged to her 40-year-old boyfriend, after he proposed two months ago in Switzerland. She’s on something better suited for Teen Mom covers and pictures of the Kardashians.
Whatever. I just realised why: scandal. Twain and this dude were playing Musical Penis/ Vagina (like Musical Chairs, but with booze and body parts). Twain and ex-husband Robert Lange divorced in 2008, after nearly fifteen years of marriage. Thiebaud is the ex-husband of Twain’s former best friend, Marie-Anne Thiebaud; the woman who Lange left Twain for. See, children. When the music stopped, everyone still had a sex partner. That’s how the game, and life, works.
