Because Mariah Carey’s children are being raised by the guy who sometimes holds her purse, Mariah Carey has a lot of time on her hands to celebrate being Mariah Carey. And because she’s basically the Easter Bunny in her own mind the remaining 364 days of the year, here’s Carey celebrating herself on the day everyone else celebrated Easter.
As the only things that really got hurt the night Chris Brown nearly beat Rihanna to death were his fists and his fee-fees, he says he has learned it’s wrong to beat the living s**t out of someone. And it’s still wrong even if you’re dating that someone. Having faced no consequences in his personal nor professional life, still dating the woman he beat, and having basically cheating the justice system, Brown claims he nearly ‘lost it all’. He says of counselling, ‘I think it is just proving myself once again and me being a man. Knowing what I did was wrong and never doing it again. As far as [Rihanna] and I are concerned, she knows my heart and I know her heart. I am not really focused on the negative, everything is positive for me. I did my 52 weeks of couselling and learned it was absolutely wrong.’ Also, pretending the subsequent violent outbursts never happened, he continues, ’It was domestic violence counselling. A 52 week program. Every Monday in Virginia, I remember going, sitting in there thinking ‘Why did I do what I did?’ I really just wanted to get help.’ Finally, because you’re a Debbie Downer for telling the truth so he doesn’t have to, he adds, ’I am moving forward, positively. I think for me it is about proving myself to my fans and for me my fans have been my number one support,’ he said. ’The naysayers are going to have their opinion. Anything I do… It’s not going to be ‘Chris is the greatest.’ So I am not going to focus my life on pleasing those people. The only thing I can do is please my family, myself and please [Rihanna] and my fans.’
Lindsay Lohan, Attorney at Law, also got her doctorate in between servicing Johns in Brazil. Because she’s decided she needs to be medicated to get through what we’re calling rehab even though we know it’s not actually rehab. According to TMZ.com, Lohan would only concede to rehab if ‘the facility would allow her to continue taking Adderall.’ However, real lawyer Lionel Hutz told NYDN ‘NAH!’ because it’s not like a drug addict would need to self-medicate through their treatment: ‘That was never a part of any discussion with the prosecutors or the court. That was never an issue we addressed,’ Hutz said. ’Prosecutors or the court would never interject themselves into medical determinations. Patients traditionally apprise facilities of what medications, if any, they’re prescribed, and after a full series of medical evaluations, each facility determines what medications, if any, are going to be allowed. This is never dictated by the patient. It’s always determined by medical staff who are well qualified.’
Having been succeeded by both of her former sidekicks, Nicole Richie, her childhood friend, and Kim Kardashian, her former stylist, Paris Hilton’s only remaining claim to fame is that she once hung out with these people. Like this weekend, Hilton spent Easter in the year 2003 and partied with Hugh Hefner at the Playboy Mansion. Hilton also injected herself into a week old story on a slow news day because that’s the only way she can get coverage anymore. Responding to the leaked Ford ads showing Hilton kidnapping the Kardashian sisters, Hilton called the ads ‘stupid’ and ‘ridiculous’ when asked for comment by TMZ.
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Because it’s Easter, because it’s a slow news day, and because everyone else kept their clothes on, here’s Hayden Panettiere distracting from her love of giant penis by staging bikini photos while at the beach in Miami, FL. More below.
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