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Beyonce & Jay-Z Welcome Their Pillow Baby

Going on multiple reports, following last week’s fabricated rumours that were nothing but one big Twitter MadLib (then copy&pasted by people with nothing else to go on, including the fabricated, budget baby name), it would appear Beyonce has delivered her pillow. Following last week’s lies, Beyonce covered her pillow with a few layers and went for a walk that raised more questions than it answered (my photo agency called mid-week photos ‘exclusive’ proof Beyonce was still preggo, but you couldn’t see her stomach). And now E! Online has a baby name: Blue Ivy Carter, which appears to be transposed by some outlets as Ivy Blue. The Houston Chronicle says Beyonce gave birth to a girl on Saturday evening in New York City by scheduled C-section. According to the New York Daily News, staff say the couple rented a fourth floor suite at New York’s Lennox Hill Hospital on the Upper East Side, for $1.3 million, Friday night under the name ‘Ingrid Jackson.’ The floor was also guarded by private security. New York Daily News adds: ‘After 11 p.m., even doctors and nurses were barred from entering the fourth floor, prompting one doc to complain that he had patients to see.  In an effort to keep images from leaking to the public, hospital workers placed tape over security cameras and are forcing employees to turn in cell phones when they arrive for their shifts.’ Sources tell The Houston Chronicle, mother and pillow are fine. Rihanna and Russell Simmons confirmed the birth by writing these tweets.

LeAnn Rimes Went Barefoot In Public Bathroom

I guess the floors were clean like that urinal she sat in was clean. Here are some new photos of LeAnn Rimes in a non-existent bikini that barely covers her bones, bolt-ons, and tiger stripes. Rimes is currently on vacation in Maui with husband Eddie Cibrian. I nearly overlooked these photos, since she will be living in bikinis her whole vacation, but then I realised what I was looking at. Rimes is using a public restroom while barefoot. Because nothing kisses the bottoms of your feet like the tinkles and fecal matter of randoms. Eight photos of mistress tinkle feet.

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Kim Kardashian Should Probably Stop Using Gold

Kim Kardashian is the queen of subliminal messages. Lest we forget she survived waterboarding, she’s taken to making every advert gold. An advert from September showed the 31-year-old literally standing in a golden shower in a gold dress. Here is her latest scent advert. In it, Kardashian is comparing herself to Elizabeth Taylor again: ‘channeling [sic] ElizabethTay [sic].’ She’s clinging to a gold bed, in a gold room, wearing gold accessories, because she already did the pee shower thing. At least she’s toned down the FACE, FACE, BOTOX FACE.

GOOP Colon Cleanse Because You Poop Wrong

You poop wrong. Yes, you. The way you do everything is insufficient and inferior, including the way you poop. But, have no fear, GOOP is here! She’s here to give you a demonstration of how one mounts the terlet sidesaddle and doesn’t splash. I wish I were kidding about all of this, but I honestly get the distinct impression this new GOOP colon cleanse product is more of a judgement of our bowel movements than a money-making endeavor. The $425 kit includes a three-week supply of: Nourish: Protein powder; Move: Fiber powder; Clear 1: Probiotic anti-microbial; Balance: Insulin regulator; Cleanse Manual, Ease: Digestive enzyme; Encourage: Strong probiotic; Clear 2: Herbal anti-microbial; Relief: Liver support; Recipe Guide. I’m not fancy enough to understand this, but I think it’s overpriced Ex-Lax. Its use is part of GOOP’s New Year edict, third year running.

Marc Anthony Dating Model Shannon de Lima

Marc Anthony is dating a model who’s the same age as Jennifer Lopez’s partner in slumming, Casper Smart. Lopez has been slumming with her ugly backing dancer, holding hands, hanging out, and making the always-classy move of introducing Wednesday’s piece to her kids right away (stay classy women who do this). Since he literally couldn’t do worse if he tried, than basically dating the ugliest of the help, Anthony picked a random from the same random model catalogue Leonardo DiCaprio and George Clooney pick their girlfriends. The singer is dating 24-year-old Venezuelan model Shannon De Lima, with whom he’s been tweeting. On Wednesday, he wrote a message that translates roughly as ‘To @Shadelima, my statue of liberty. Kisses baby.’ In response, de Lima asked that people on Twitter follow Anthony’s son, who wrote his father and the model were the ‘best couple for many more years to come.’ The son later spoke highly of his father, mother, and stepmother: ‘Everybody follow the gorgeous and beautiful @Shadelima !!!!!!!!…  [my dad is] happy please just let him enjoy this moment. [de Lima's] great!!!!!!!!!!!!… I still LOVE my stepmom @JLo forever thats never going to change shes my mom forever!!!!!!!!!!!… To all the @JLo fans i just want my stepmom and my dad to be happy… You guys dont get it when my parents got divorced it hit me really hard it still bothers me right now… But as long as both of my parents are happy then im good… @JLo love you mom !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!… My dad is happy im happy. Love you dad!!!!!!!!!’

Mila Kunis Photoshopped Right In The Face

POW, right in the kisser. Here’s Mila Kunis in her new campaign for Dior that’s altogether too brooding and uneventful for my liking. There’s something bizarre going on with the lighting in each picture and the overall composition is rather odd. Her face is warped somewhere between the poor choice of camera angle and the enthusiastic Photoshop; the worst example being the photo with the red purse (it’s like she was sick that day, so they used a Kunis Real Doll instead).

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