Lindsay Lohan gave an interview with the Daily Mail Online shortly before making a farce of rehab. The 26-year-old traded easy rehab in the Hamptons for pretend rehab in Los Angeles for real rehab at Betty Ford because she’s got a real lawyer now and can do whatever the hell she wants. But she tells Piers Morgan that rehab is a complete waste of everybody’s time because she doesn’t have a problem; she’s ‘not an alcoholic’ and she’s ‘not a junkie.’ In what feels like 10,000 words of delusion between interviewer and interviewee, Lohan basically says cocaine isn’t even that great and she can quit drugs AND drinking any time. ’Everybody thinks I’ve done [cocaine] so many times. But I’ve only done it four or five times in my life… I don’t like it,’ she says. And here’s what’s not on her shopping list, ‘I’ve never taken heroin either, never injected myself with anything, never done LSD. Those things all scare me.’ She also tried ‘Pot, obviously. And ecstasy. I liked that better than the other [drugs].’ Adding, ‘I’ve never been a huge drinker. I’ve never woken up in the morning and had a drink.’ She continues… ‘I’ve never been a junkie and never will be. I just like going out late to clubs.’ Why is rehab pointless? ‘I don’t think I need to be on lockdown for three months. I don’t think that’s rehab. I’ve been court-ordered to do it six times. I could write the book on rehab. Constantly sending me to rehab is pointless. The first few times I was court-ordered to rehab it was like a joke, like killing time. They just asked me the same old questions I’d answered before.’