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Black Friday Asshattery At Wal-Mart

ASS-HAT-TERY was reportedly at Def Con Level 5 on Black Friday. Did anyone else hear about this lunacy? There was actually a death at a Wal-Mart on Friday -  Jdimytai Damour, a Wal-Mart employee, was TRAMPLED TO DEATH by early morning shoppers at a New York Wal-Mart [Website – Amy Grindhouse]!

Were the crazy ass bitch shoppers really that desperate to get their bulk supply of toilet tissue at a discount that they would actually trample someone to death? What kind of fuckery is that? I am excited by half-off milk and cookies and what-not, but I’m not stepping on another person to get it!

According to The New York Times:

The throng of Wal-Mart shoppers had been building all night, filling sidewalks and stretching across a vast parking lot at the Green Acres Mall in Valley Stream, N.Y. At 3:30 a.m., the Nassau County police had to be called in for crowd control, and an officer with a bullhorn pleaded for order.

Tension grew as the 5 a.m. opening neared. Someone taped up a crude poster: “Blitz Line Starts Here.”

By 4:55, with no police officers in sight, the crowd of more than 2,000 had become a rabble, and could be held back no longer. Fists banged and shoulders pressed on the sliding-glass double doors, which bowed in with the weight of the assault. Six to 10 workers inside tried to push back, but it was hopeless.

Suddenly, witnesses and the police said, the doors shattered, and the shrieking mob surged through in a blind rush for holiday bargains. One worker, Jdimytai Damour, 34, was thrown back onto the black linoleum tiles and trampled in the stampede that streamed over and around him. Others who had stood alongside Mr. Damour trying to hold the doors were also hurled back and run over, witnesses said. (more)

My condolences to the family of Jdimytai Damour – R.I.P.

[IMAGE CREDIT: Tim Wiencis / Splash News]

AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only. Images, branding and original content should not be reproduced without prior permission.

Mariah Carey Was On Ellen…

Have I mentioned in the last 5-minutes that I want to be as BITCHIN’ AWESOME as Ellen when I grow up?

Ellen had Mariah Carey as a guest on her show and you know how hard it is getting homegirl to do an interview…

You have to book WAY in advance, so there is time to reinforce the stage and rub Vaseline on all the camera lenses, to give that 70′s soft-focus, soft-core p0rn feel, that Carey likes so much. After all, it is either Toss’ Salad grease on the lenses, or La Diva would actually have to bring her Photoshop person around with her everywhere she goes. MooMoo does not have the grasp of technology that I do, so plehz, no one tell her that her Photoshop bitch cannot airbrush out her chins, in real life. If she were to find out, she would have her poor, overworked slave PETA slapped and we don’t want that to happen.

WTF was I talking about… oh yeah, Carey was on The Ellen Show to talk about her limp album and her sham marriage.

Rather than bother to cover either, Ellen did exactly what I would do which is mock and trick Carey into whatever PR trap took my fancy. The host rather tastefully mocked MooMoo about her weight by questioning her about her alleged pregnancy.

According to E! Online, Ellen asked the singer outright about the pregnancy rumours and then said…

“You don’t have to answer that. Let’s just toast with champagne,” the chat maven benignly offered, after which Mimi became all flustered, first going the feigned shock route and then trying to insist that 3 p.m. was too early for her to start drinking.

AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only. Images, branding and original content should not be reproduced without prior permission.

Beyonce Rocks XL Spanx On The Today Show

Beyonce, who sometimes prefers to be referred to by her stage name, Sucha Farce, can be seen in the image above, butt arse naked, other than some crude-oil someone poured over her head just before she went onto the Today Show stage [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

The singer (or should that be the constipated shouter?) was on the show to show off her new lace-front weave, parade around with her camel toe on show for the world to see and sing ‘Single Ladies’ and ‘Crazy in Love’, neither of which I have ever heard of.

Well, I mention crude oil, but Farce may be wearing something *strains eyes to see*

Is she wearing a giant pair of Spanx? Like some specially made head-to-toe kind of flab-keeper-inner that I have never seen before?

If so, someone please get me a pair. I need them to put over my giant mouth!

Click through the jump to see the video…

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Rolling Stone Talk About Britney’s Photoshoot On The Today Show

CLICK now to watch video footage of Britney Spears dancing about on the set of her Rolling Stone – December 2008 issue – cover shoot [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

Britney looks radiant on the shoot. Brace yourself for her almighty glow and bask in four-minutes of her Cheeto-orange glory. That is, if you can concentrate, with Jenny Eliscu, of Rolling Stone, talking over the clip every five seconds.

Eliscu, don’t you know that Britney is like Mother Teresa around these parts? When she speaks, dances or eats Cheetos, we look and gasp/ dribble etc. but we DO NOT speak over her!

As an aside, you know what, thanks to all the hard work of those upstanding citizens, the Spears Family, I have reset my moral compass to C (for Cheeto). It was set to P for Party Animal and I followed Brit’s moral lead through all the crotch flashes and what-have you. However, in the past month, since the newly sober Daddy Conservatorship McGee has had Brit under lock and key, I am following Britney’s saintly Cheeto dust laden path to the Golden Gates. Is it too early to start calling little miss Freshly Washed Lace Front, a saint?

AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only. Images, branding and original content should not be reproduced without prior permission.

Fug-Off: Beyonce Vs. JLo

Check out the image above, for some EPIC FUG that puts my Mischa Barton Vs. Madonna post to shame [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

The image on the left is of Beyonce, in Sucha Farce mode, as she poses for promotional shots and scenes for her upcoming ‘Diva’ video.

The image on the right, of JLo, is about as old as my lucky underpants (10 years), as evidenced by the outdated bouffant hair and cheap make-up.

The outfit was FUG when a more trim Jennifer Lopez wore it originally, in 1998. I think the dress looks slimy. Like if you ran over and jumped on top of Lopez, you would slide right off. Ten years later and it still looks like a cross between mermaid vomit and fish scales.

This is a tricky one as the FUG Police are tracking the results and just might pay you a visit if you give the wrong answer – so click carefully.

WHO WORE THE MULTI-COLOURED, MERMAID STYLE DRESS BETTER?

AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only. Images, branding and original content should not be reproduced without prior permission.

Stupid Quote Of The Day: Pete Wentz Edition

There’s dumbass-ness aplenty in the Simpson-Wentz household. Check out the quote below for the real reason Pete Wentz and his wife ASSlee named their baby Bronx Mowgli [Website – Amy Grindhouse].

“I feel weird—people have all these ideas of what it means now. I think it’s kind of cool to leave the narrative the way it is. People are stoked or pissed or whatever…I don’t think anybody knows the real story of why or how. We came up with the idea Bronx, we’d been throwing it back and forth a while ago. The Jungle Book is something me and Ashlee bonded over. It’s really cool.”

[IMAGE CREDIT: Pacific Coast News]

AmyGrindhouse.com written by Amy Grindhouse © All rights reserved. When quoting, use excerpts with attribution only. Images, branding and original content should not be reproduced without prior permission.