Britney Spears has left the building and buggered off, back to the States, so I can FINALLY snark about her, knowing that she cannot hear me [Website – Amy Grindhouse].
Was sooo looking forward to Spears European tour… all the Cheeto eating, arse cheek-bearing and Madonna imitating. It was all just so pant-wettingly exciting.
However, Spears seems to have served up a steaming pile of FAIL, rather than the bowl of AWESOME I ordered. Um… Spears, can you be a dear and take your FAIL performances back to the kitchen? The limp, X-Factor performance, of ‘Womanizer’, seemed particularly underdone. Stick it back in the oven at 200-degrees and bring it over when its read-eh plehz.
Was anyone else totally underwhelmed by Spears’German, French and English ‘Womanizer’ performances?
Had I been on my meds, I could have kept my faculties about me long enough to out-mime her!
EDITORS NOTE: Developing a strong dislike of sober/ cheese-free Britney Spears, must lace a packet of Cheetos with uppers and convince her to eat them and remain undetected… *chuckles*
Crackie McBeehive is back in rehab, Britney is back doing small-fry live TV performances, like she is a new artist and Winona Ryder is once again under investigation for theft-related f*ckery [Website – Amy Grindhouse].
Winona Ryder is under investigation for ‘losing’ $125,000 worth of diamond encrusted jewellery loaned to her, for a Marie Claire event in Spain, earlier this month.
Ryder said she gave the Bulgari bracelet and ring to the hotel staff for safekeeping and places the blame squarely on them on them for the ‘loss’. Um… yep, and the same staff also got Crackie McBeehive back on crack, effed up Britney’s career and burnt my dinner last night… those BASTARDS!
The actress, who was convicted of shoplifting in 2001, was given a diamond encrusted bracelet and ring to wear to a Marie Claire magazine party.
Miss Ryder reported the items missing after she allegedly handed them to staff at her Madrid hotel for safekeeping.
But according to the French magazine Voici, hotel management insist they have no surveillance footage showing her handing over the jewels. Executives at Bulgari, which owns the diamonds, apparently called in the police.
You know, it pains me to admit it, but Spears looks almost crack-free in these pictures (especially the ones below the fold).
You would never know that the “frappe years” even happened. Spears has lost the frappe froth from around her mouth and she even went so far as to wipe the Cheeto dust off her fingers. Spears looks normal, clean, healthy and I am intrigued enough by the concept of this spread that I might stop being a cheap-arse and actually buy this edition of the magazine.
The only question I have looking at these images is (playing devil’s advocate and assuming only minimal Photoshop was used)… why did Glamour not Photoshop the sadness out of her eyes?
Check out some of Britney’s interview snippets from Glamour:
“In five years I would like to be married and have a father figure for my kids, someone who is a provider and can be really stable.”
“As a mother, you can never be enough – or do enough – for your kids. It’s a never-ending issue for me.”
“I would like to stop worrying so much, because I worry all the time. And to learn how to be happier just in general.”
“I don’t like going out. I hate clubs. I love my home and staying in bed.”
To view more images from Britney Spears’ Glamour Magazine spread, click through the jump…
Someone call Beyonce and tell her that all her Spandex covered asshattery has paid off… a fellow celebrity has decided to “put a ring on it”! [Website – Amy Grindhouse]
According to reports, Orlando Bloom and Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr are engaged and planning a wedding for next summer.
Let’s be clear, this is one of precisely two celeb couples that I can stand. Let’s face it, these bitches have nothing on the holy union between Britney Spears and Chester Cheetah, but they come a close second.
The question here is…
DO YOU THINK THEY WILL STILL EVEN BE TOGETHER NEXT SUMMER?
I watched this along with Britney’s other two European performances, in Germany and France, over the past few days. Is anyone else starting to feel like they know what Britney meant in interview, when she said everyday feels “like Groundhog Day”?!?
Watching the above, I am overwhelmed by two feelings. The first is the sense that my medication must not have kicked in yet, as I could swear that Brit has been swapped with a pod-person or a clone of herself circa 1998.
Secondly, sad Spears looks like a lost puppy wandering around on the stage looking for its owner. PNasty was right, Spears live ‘Womanizer’ performances, so far, have echos of her disastrous VMA ‘Gimme More’ performance. The glazed eyes, the unenthusiastic bobbing around stage, the exposed arse cheeks… all the warning signs are there.