Because she’s somehow poor despite a pathological aversion to spending money, Lindsay Lohan downgraded from a real lawyer to Lionel Hutz, Attorney at Law. And it turns out that’s barely hyperbole because she could have found better representation in the Yellow Pages. After reading a myriad of reports about this guy today, I genuinely wonder how he’s even a real lawyer because he appears to have the legal acumen of the average Law & Order viewer. According to TMZ.com, Mark Heller tried to get the lying to the cops case dismissed by basically making up the law as he went along. According to him, Lohan should have been read her Miranda rights except Lohan was not in custody at the time so that doesn’t apply. Next, he tried to get the case dropped on the grounds the cops did their actual jobs when asking Lohan who nearly killed whom. And, he’s been sending inappropriate communications beyond the scope of the case, like asking prosecutors to help him ‘fix’ Lohan, that’s basically like rear-ending someone and slipping them $100 to not get insurance involved. AND he’s not advising her to show up for important hearings because she was just fined $1,000 for failure to appear at another deposition. I don’t even know how she’s going to pay that because she was hit with another tax lien for 2011 on Tuesday.