In news that will shock no one, Kris Jenner has been confirmed as the pimp hand of some lube for old women. Well, I don’t think it’s old lady lube. But it may as well be, because no one else will buy it now. Jenner’s publicist leaked this to Lies&Style, the Kardashian’s go-to shill tabloid, ‘Life & Style has exclusively learned that she’s signed on to be the spokeswoman for [shill brand], which claims to enhance a woman’s sexual pleasure by heightening sensitivity to touch.’ A source claims: ‘She’s tried it and uses it. She wants to promote great sex [shill brand] is an over-the-counter product clinically proven to enhance a woman’s sexual pleasure.’ Not realising L&S would give the game away by copy & pasting that press release, Jenner blogged it in her own words: ‘It’s forever changed my experience in the bedroom and I’m sure it will do the same for you. And, who wouldn’t want to try something that works in minutes and makes sex feel…well, amazing? I love instant gratification.’ Instant gratification? No s**t.
