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John Mayer: Jessica Simpson Is Sexual Napalm

John Mayer Jessica Simpson Old Dating Photo

John Mayer is still being an intolerable, over-sharing douchebag and blowing hot air in the direction of anyone who will listen. Male celebrities have a habit of sharing too much information about naked times and the special relationships they share with their privates, whenever they are interviewed for Playboy.

However, Mayer really takes his indulgences to new and exciting levels. In a new online interview the singer discusses further his loves of porn, his genitals, sex with Jessica Simpson, and then he recalls his time with Jennifer Aniston.

On his 2006-07 relationship with Jessica Simpson: That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me… Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, “I want to quit my life and just f-ckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f-ck you, I would start selling all my sh-t just to keep f-cking you.”

You’ll need to take a strong swig of Listerine, perhaps two, and then view below.

On his love of porn: When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.

On Jennifer Aniston: We just have a regard for each other’s feelings that is pretty intense. It’s been a deep relationship, and it’s no longer taking place at all. Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons? One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting. There was a rumor that I had been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn’t it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ/ Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I said, “These are the new rules.” I’ll always be sorry that it didn’t last. In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32.

<blockquote>On his 2006-07 relationship with Jessica Simpson: That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me… Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm…There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, “I want to quit my life and just fuckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.”</blockquote>

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5 Comments

  1. Mystery Man says:

    –scratches head–

    how someone who’s music is so calm, mellow, and stoner-friendly spout off such nonsense?

  2. Rain says:

    My feelings exactly, MM!

    1. Yeah, I agree with MM too. Weird, the things he comes out with it… his music sends me to sleep (-_-)

  3. Rain says:

    However, that last line, “I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32.”

    That was comedy.

    He sounds more like he wants to be 14.

    1. That lines was BS, yeah, I laughed at that too.