Jessica Simpson is engaged to Eric Johnson (whose name I’m going to have to attempt to commit to memory now, I guess). It was announced only days ago that Simpson’s ex-husband, Nick Lachey, was engaged. He confirmed on Twitter that he was to marry long-term on/off girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo. Because Simpson is the Kanye West of wedding news, and can’t let Lachey have his moment of almost being relevant again, she’s become engaged too. ‘We’re thrilled to confirm that it’s true,’ Simpson’ spokesperson confirms. They are engaged. Johnson, 31, proposed to Simpson, who’s 30, Thursday November 11, and she said ‘Yes’. The pair have only been dating since May. Is anyone thinking she refused to eat her marshmallow squares, as lovingly prepared by her feeder, and that’s why he proposed? He needs her good and thick for the wedding dress. He’s not marrying anyone who doesn’t fill that thing out. I kid. Simpson will wear off-white, as she kind of played the white dress card for her first wedding, and she’ll look very pretty I’m sure. If only because Johnson has to be using the money saved on Simpson’s budget-looking ring on the wedding dress. Amirite?
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