Jennifer Lopez inexplicably covers the new Us Weekly magazine, because in Opposite World Lopez is relevant and the entire world didn’t just get engaged/ get married/ get pregnant/ give birth. Seriously, yooguise. What the…? Were none of the six/ seven couples who became engaged since Christmas Eve available to whore themselves out for an Us cover? Or were Us magazine’s holiday resources pooled for beer money to water their staff? I was pretty much expecting LeAnn Rimes’ desperate mugging staring back from an Us Weekly or perhaps People cover. More likely People, I thought. But, as you see below, no one knew what to make their cover and so they all chose topics out of a hat. These are some of the most irrelevant covers I’ve seen all year. Lopez’s shorts need their own cover. Like, all to themselves. I actually thought this was a joke cover at first, not some ambiguously-linked Idol promotion disguised as a ‘Diet Secrets’ issue. Oh, and thanks to some weird optical illusion I thought someone Photoshopped a butt where Lopez’s vagina should be. Like, a front-butt pasted under her torso. Thankfully, they’re just insanely hideous shorts cut really weird.
I find her RIDICULOUS and passe. True, she looks good but she knows the fame game -keep your weight down, your hairweave tight and pose wearing clothes you should have worn 20 years ago!
PS
her plastic surgery is subtle and good but she is annoying as hell, dull and doesn’t have much talent.
From the cover shot I thought the article was gonna be on how to keep your shape and face with PLASTIC SURGERY since she’s completely unrecognizable from her early days in the business.
Oh thank god I thought my eyes were having some sort of spasm with the shorts! I saw butt cheeks where they should not be – the more I stared, the more it seemed like her lower half was flipped.
Remember when the teacher would hold up a piece of white cardboard with black marks on it and ask you what you saw written? And all the kids would start shouting “Jeebus! I see Jeebus!” and no matter how hard you strained, you saw……white cardboard with black marks on it? Never mind if you were not put through the tortures of Catholic School, never mind.
This was a turned around version – holding up the picture and saying, “what do you see?”
Butt! I see butt!!! And it is not just me – you saw butt, too!
Okay, now that I know that I am not losing my sight, I am going to have nightmares featuring those shorts. Great.
I stared at it – and stared some more – and was all ‘this has to be a fake cover, someone’s put a butt down there’. But, no. It’s real and just a horribly cut pair of shorts. It was making my brain ache. It’s not just you, at all.