I nearly called this post: ‘Gwyneth Paltrow’s Breasts Were Extremely Shiny At This Year’s Oscars.’ I considered it a perfectly feasible title. However, I remembered that it’s better to make breast jokes within the post itself. That’s where the jokes go. Posts are like a sammich. Breasts are like the chicken. You can’t be doing crazy things like putting the chicken outside/ instead of the bread. This isn’t KFC. I have RULES. Paltrow showed up wearing this to distract from the fact she spent the better part of Winter attempting Ebonics and ‘singing’ Forget You with Cee-Lo Green. Paltrow fails at Ebonics and she fails at disguising Bacofoil as outerwear (everyone knows it’s underwear/ a jaunty hat).
Image credit to INF Daily.