At some point in 2011 when Playboy’s sales began to dip, Hugh Hefner decided it would be a great idea to contrive a runaway bride plot for a reality show and magazine cover because his business model relies on people actually paying for pornography. And at some point in 2012, he finally got his bottom b**ch down the aisle. Not that anyone was paying attention because everyone had the day off and those who didn’t were too busy covering the ejaculate Kanye West accidentally left inside Kim Kardashian three months ago. But they’re married. Hefner shared this photo of their wedding with the caption: ‘Crystal & I married on New Year’s Eve in the Mansion with Keith as my Best Man. Love that girl!’
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