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Posts under ‘TV’

Kimye’s Sex Swing Will Gather Dust This Season

Not even at the behest of pimp momager will the bottom b**ch disrobe and take a bubble bath on camera as one half of Kimye. THE POWER OF MONIES COMPELS YOU! Confirming what RadarOnline.com and others have been saying for over a month, Kim Kardashian told E! News about Kanye West’s screen time with a season premiere I think is this weekend: ‘I want to show my life. If we’re having dinner and he does show up, I’m sure we’re not going to go, ‘Stop the cameras!’ [But] I’m not going to be taking a bubble bath and drinking champagne or on a sex swing [on camera] like Khloé and Lamar do. It’s not going to be like that.’

Five photos of Kim Kardashian arriving at LAX in Los Angeles, CA April 15.

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Don’t Ask Mariah Carey About Britney Spears

I watched intently, as Britney Spears was carted out in front of a studio audience for the Fox Upfronts presentation to Kashmir by Led Zeppelin. The 31-year-old stood, without swaying, and recited her lines, and nothing went majorly wrong in the 10-seconds during which she spoke. Except, she remained glassy-eyed and zombified. And there’s a distinct chance she’ll sit in abeyance through the auditions and live shows not even risking further scripted platitudes. I’ve included video from the event and you can watch video of her attempt to think on the spot here. You’ll see what I mean. In any case, don’t ask Mariah Carey who, for reasons unknown, was prodded into giving this response: ‘You think I focus on that stuff? Have we met? I love [Britney], honestly. I think she’s a very nice person, but I don’t care who’s going on that show. As long as it’s not me.’

Britney Spears & Demi Lovato: The Countdown

I’ve started the ‘DIS GUN BE GUD’ timer on my cell. So, don’t worry, there’s an official count of how long it’ll take one woman with mental health issues and one recovering addict to be assassinated by Disney for shaming the family name. I got two-weeks. Is that enough time? I don’t know, you tell me. Here are photos of the official line-up, as presented by Fox at its Upfront event. This follows the weekend addition of Demi Lovato, who told the UK’s Fabulous Magazine late April that appearing on television so soon would compromise her recovery: ‘I need to be secure in my body before I go back in front of the camera. Anyone in recovery from an eating disorder would find that triggering, and I’m not ready.’ But she’s ‘ready’ three-weeks later because MONIES. Included are photos from the girls’ Twitter accounts, photos from the Fox presentation, and Britney Spears’ cellulite because it’s literally the newest photo of her from my agency.

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Demi Lovato Will Also Be An X Factor Judge

It was revealed late last week that Britney Spears was in the final stages of becoming a judge on American X Factor, although TMZ Live was keen to dispel the rumour that she ‘signed’ the contract since the singer remains under conservatorship and doesn’t have the legal right to sign anything on her own. Which means, at some point before Monday morning, she’ll give her handlers the crayons with which to sign the deal. And today another corrupted Disney star has signed on. So I’m guessing this whole thing’s one, big contrived trainwreck (in the words of Howard Stern). Which means Simon Cowell will have to spend his time backstage hiding the chocolate milk, jelly beans, and the cocaine because this panel is an overdose waiting to happen. Photos of Lovato in NYC in March.

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Report: Britney Spears Signs X Factor Contract

After months of what appears to have been pretty accurate information leaking, Britney Spears finally signed her X Factor contract in crayon. She’s officially signed-up to be paid $15 million-per-season to remain seated while whispering scripted platitudes about the singers’ outfits (think Victoria Beckham guest judging American Idol). A source tells E! Online: ‘She’s ready for this. She can’t wait to sit down next to Simon at the judges’ table and give this everything she’s got. There’s been a lot of back and forth over the past few weeks as they negotiated the small details, but she’s on. It’s all complete. Britney is excited.’

Jon Hamm Giving Randoms Relationship Advice

Here’s Jon Hamm, looking like he’s exhausted from f**king his way through the entire Mad Men cast and crew including the help, reading fan questions off his cell and offering relationship advice to random 16-years-old-ish girls on the ‘net.