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Posts under ‘TomKat’

Tom Cruise Sued for Spying and Wiretapping

Dec 22nd, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
4 comments

Tom Cruise is in your Internets, stealing all your informations. Cruise and his $cilon spies are accused of crawling inside the brains of magazine editor Michael Davis Sapir, and causing trauma that only $5 freakin’ million can help repair.

The lawsuit could be due to Cruise and his drones spying and wiretapping, or it could be retaliation. Cruise sued Sapir in 2001 for $100 million, for claiming to have video of the two during naked together time. Sapir alleges that Cruise’s private investigator Anthony Pellicano illegally wiretapped his phone during the 2001 litigation and lawyer Bert Fields conspired to spy on him. Cruise’s rep is currently comatose on my kitchen floor and so cannot be reached for comment.

Image credit to ENF/Fame Pictures. Story & info. Us Weekly, TMZ.

Suri Cruise Flamenco Dress and Polka Dot Heels

Dec 7th, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
4 comments

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Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and three-year-old Suri. The family were standing around picking their cracks and intermittently looking up to see whether any space cruisers were hovering suspiciously. If they weren’t comprised of a midget in heels, a robot wife, and a baby bot with a great taste in shoes, this would almost be a cute family. But any family that has to be sent off for repairs/ that comes with an instruction manual can only get so much praise.

They spent more time making goo-goo eyes at the press than at each other. Tom Cruise stares daggers (or not) at his gorgeous baby girl and her fierce little outfit. Being around the same dress size, there’s a battle between them each morning of who gets to wear the cuter outfit. Suri won this morning and she got to leave the house in this adorable pink flamenco-style dress and red polka dot shoes. It’s a hand-me-down from daddy Tom, but it looks WAY better on Suri.

Nine photos of the family fakery; Tom and Suri Cruise, and Katie Holmes.

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TomKat are Ready for a Second Baby Says OK!

Dec 3rd, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
4 comments

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According to sources who know nothing and a magazine that marries off a new couple every week, the King and Queen of all Scilons are planning to repopulate the earth. Midgets and robots can’t mate, but these people are really insanely wealthy and so nothing is outside the realm of possibility.

The latest issue of OK! magazine alleges that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are ready to bless the pages of Vanity Fair with a second baby spread. Hmm… maybe they won’t choose something so uppity this time, but something their minions can afford, if they’re growing/ breeding/ building a second baby in a recession.

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Katie Holmes Says Suri Cruise Loves High Heels

Dec 1st, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
9 comments

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Katie Holmes definitely has a malfunction and should be returned to the factory for de-bugging. The actress and mother has shared with Access Hollywood that her daughter, Suri Cruise, loves wearing those tiny baby high heels.

Katie Holmes isn’t usually one for spouting nonsensical musings. At this point, we can safely assume that she’s being used to download too many pirated movies and bootleg MP3s and she has a virus. Being broken and not being in control of what is coming out of her mouth, Holmes keeps sharing these odd tidbits about her contractual obligations made in Scilon heaven. Holmes and Tom Cruise are super-secretive about all the details of their lives you actually give a damn about.

Oddly, neither seems shy about letting you watch their three-year-old develop a slow-burning foot deformity. Holmes recently blurted out something that came out on 90s printer paper, with the little holes down the sides. She was low on ink, so it was hard to read what she said, but is looked something like “She, like every little girl, she loves my high heels… They are actually ballroom dancing shoes for kids. I found them for her and she loves them…. 100010010101″

Image credit to Fame Pictures. Story & info. Access Hollywood via Pop Eater.

Suri Cruise In The Cold Without a Coat… Again

Nov 23rd, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
5 comments

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Suri Cruise has only ever been spotted out with a coat on a handful of times.

The daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes is always oddly dressed for the weather. Perhaps she was built with the world’s tiniest heater installed, so she can go out with nothing much covering her and not freeze from hypothermia.

Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes were spotted together on a cold day in New York. Katie Holmes was wearing ankle boots, a pair of jeans, and a thick tweed coat to keep out the wind chill. Suri Cruise was poorly dressed in Wellington boots, stockings, and a lined sleeveless Summer dress. Holmes must have a malfunction or some funky wiring somewhere/ have eaten a brain tumour for breakfast. Either that or she doesn’t give a damn whether her baby freezes to death.

Nine photos of Suri Cruise turning into a coatless baby popsicle under the cut.

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Suri Cruise Has Been Enrolled in Catholic School

Oct 13th, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
5 comments

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Suri Cruise, every one’s favourite Alien Princess, has been enrolled into a Catholic School. The enrollment into a non-Scio school was at the insistence of her mother, Katie Holmes.

It would be no stretch to assume that devotee father, Cruise, wanted his Scio-tot to go to a Scientology school. However, rather than take babies communications courses or whatever it is tots do at a Scio-pre-school, Suri will be learning how to colour inside the lines at a school teaching another religion.

According to NY Daily News, the three-year-old was enrolled in Catholic Charities Yawkey Centre For Early Education And Learning, in Boston, last week.

Nine photos of Suri, Tom, and Katie in Boston, Massachusetts on Sunday Oct. 11, 2009. And more details, below.

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