Posts under ‘TomKat’

Suri Cruise Spotted Wearing Baby High Heels

Sep 22nd, 2009

When looking for celebrity baby images today what I actually found included pictures of three-year-old Suri Cruise wearing a pair of baby-sized high heels.

The daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes was spotted out with her mother, on a rare day off the leash, wearing a tiny pair of baby heels. Don’t get it twisted, these aren’t the tiny soft heels you may have seen previously. Those are for tiny prostitots and not for classy babies like Suri. However, she was wearing heels at only age three. I don’t even wear heels and I’m a grown ass woman.

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Katie Holmes Can Probably Put Suri Down Now

Sep 22nd, 2009

by Amy Grindhouse.

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Is Katie Holmes weight-training or something? Is she a new and upgraded Windows Vista version that comes with Go Go Gadget arms? Um, are some three-year-olds not super duper heavy?

I know Katie is only a robot wife, and therefore she has no feeling in her extremities. However, unless she wants her robot arms to break off, methinks it would be a good idea to put that baby down and let her walk.

Image credit to Fame Pictures.

Katie Holmes Covers AnOther Magazine… Wut?

Aug 22nd, 2009

by Amy Grindhouse.

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Katie Holmes covers one of the four Fall/Winter issues of AnOther magazine.

This magazine, that is so super important and trendy that I didn’t even know it existed until today, shows Holmes looking a little more alieny and a little less robot-y than normal. Guessing Tommy must have finally exchanged her at Ikea, like I recommended forever and a day ago. Maybe now that she is running on Windows Vista and not frikkin’ Windows ’95 she’ll stop crashing and start functioning like a proper sex robot. There’s something kind of 80s about the cover that I can’t put my finger on. Well, I can put my finger on it, but I hear Katie bot bites when she’s cornered, so I don’t wanna.

On the cover Our Lady of the Scilons can be seen flashing. She’s doing it wrong, but she’s still flashing. AAs or DDs, opening your trench like that in front of innocent eyes counts as a flash. Trust me. I’ve been caught and booked enough times to know the difference.

Not only is the ‘bot on the cover, she is joined on the limited edition publication by several other aliens; Kate Moss, Nathalie Portman and Vanessa Paradis.

Kate Moss is posing off her Other Cotton Candy side wearing a fuchsia ruffled dress by John Galliano. Katie Holmes is playing with her dark side as an Evil Fairy Other side in an Alaia. These two colourful shots are the work of photographer, Craig McDean. Then we have Nathalie Portman and Vanessa Paradis who were shot by the black and white master photographer Heidi Slimane. Nathalie is wearing a gorgrous creation by Lanvin and Vanessa is in a timeless piece by Chanel. (via Style by Me)

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Katie Holmes Has Been Released into the Wild

Jul 22nd, 2009

by Amy Grindhouse.

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Katie Holmes can be seen above, on the set of Don’t be Afraid of the Dark.

The movie, also starring Guy Pearce of Memento, is being filmed in Australia.

I thought these pictures were interesting for several reasons, not least because when I saw the image above my only thought was “FREEDOM!”… Katie Bot has made a run for it and has escaped from the grips of Tommy. Hmm. Pretty sure robots get rusty, and otherwise require a lot of maintenance. Not sure how Bot is going to stay rust free, fending for herself in the wild. I guess so long as she doesn’t need any repairs, escaping could be the best thing she has ever done.

Katie Holmes takes a break with her daughter Suri Cruise and fellow cast member Bailee Madison on the set of “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” in Melbourne. In the film, a young girl is sent to live with her father and his new girlfriend discovers creatures in her new home who want to claim her as one of their own. (via PCN)

Don’t be Afraid of the Dark is still on production, det for release 2011.

Image credit to PacificCoastNews.com.

Suri Cruise Is A Chocolate-Covered Cutie

Jun 2nd, 2009

by Amy Grindhouse.

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Suri Cruise does an astonishing impersonation of a child of a regular married couple. If it weren’t for Katie bot being positioned next to her with a “loving” smile hardwired onto her face, there would be no evidence that this little angel were a mini Scilon.

She kind of looks like a frightened little mouse or some other tiny adorable animal. I mean, it boggles the mind that this baby is being reared by Tommy and the Bot and that in all likelihood she was created in a test tube using LRH’s sperm. That Ron Hubbard sure can grow him some cute kiddies.

I bet Tommy is p*ssed that his peen being stuck in men’s no no places means that he cannot produce offspring of his own. I gather than a man’s no no places are not the best or most fertile ground for growing babies. When these two crazy kids were trying for a baby, rather than put his peen in Katie bot’s USB adaptor slot (or whatever she has instead a vagina), he stuck it in the warm and squishy crevices of a fellow peen-haver.

Well, whomever the heck this kid belongs to she is the cutest pre-rehab celebrity kiddie on the block.

Scientology School Chosen For Suri Cruise

Apr 13th, 2009

by Amy Grindhouse.

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Tommy and his robot wife, Katie, have decided to send little Suri Cruise to a special Scientology school.

Suri, who for the time being at least resembles a human being and not a $cientolo-bot, will be attending the Church of Scientology’s New Village Academy. The baby is not yet as far gone as her robot mother, so perhaps there is hope for her yet.

Well, that is assuming the classes three to five days per week don’t take there hold. The school, as funded by Will Smith, is located in Calabasas, California. Its curriculum includes mathematics, literacy, Spanish, karate, yoga, robotics, technology, etiquette, art, and living skills.

For what end the little tyke will need to learn etiquette and living skills, the mind boggles. Surely, all you need to be a good future robot wife is a spare battery and a working remote control. Who needs anything that resembles a formal education, when you are going to be some future millionaire actor’s dead-eyed arm candy???