Here’s Katie Holmes in some random jewellery campaign about which I do not care except for its marking of Holmes’ passage into the uncanny valley. Holmes, now iPad 2-compatible, stars in these new adverts for which I glean she’s being promoted as ‘topless’ for the shot of her bikini with the straps slipped down. Because bikinis [...]
Posts under ‘TomKat’
Tom Cruise Fulfilling Obligation To Love Wife
Tom Cruise is in completely heterosexual love with his robot wife (made in Japan’s uncanny valley). Because love between man and robot is recognised under the $cilon constitution as a completely valid lifestyle choice. Speaking of his marriage, because he has a movie to promote, Cruise assured everyone he’s in love: ‘Every day I fall [...]
No One Can Be Bothered To Dress Suri Cruise
Realising that Suri Cruise is wearing a paper-thin dress and realising that it’s cold enough for her to wear her mother’s jacket, here are new photos of Katie Holmes and her daughter leaving a Starbucks in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. It’s been five years and still no one has made one convincing attempt at dressing this child [...]
Katie Holmes’ Calvin Klein Dress At Emmys 2011
I thought Katie Holmes looked lost at the MTV VMAs last month. It was like she typed the wrong address into Google Maps and she ended up on the MTV black carpet rather than some other event. I get the same feeling looking at her photos from the 2011 Emmys. She looks good though, right? [...]
Katie Holmes Was At The Video Music Awards
Skynet Holmes ™ was allowed off her tether unattended for 10 minutes and this is what happened. She dressed herself and wandered onto the red carpet of the MTV VMAs. Okay, there were a bunch of actual musicians at the awards who’ll be lumped into another post because 30 individual posts would rob me of [...]
Katie Holmes Barked Because Of Raccoon Scare
There are so many concurrent crazy things going on during Skynet Holmes’ interview with Jay Leno I barely know where to start. Holmes was on the talk show last night and I’m going to assume her mission objective wasn’t to appear as crazy as possible in an elaborate plot to convince people she’s human (everyone [...]
