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Posts under ‘Magazine’

Katy Perry Tells Teen Vogue: Fame Is Disgusting

Katy Perry’s stupid hair and propensity to match her home-dye job to her outfit cover Teen Vogue May 2012. I almost skipped over Perry’s cover, mostly because I barely care about actual Vogue let alone Vogue Jr. but there are some interesting excerpts to be parsed in her interview. I assume promoting a needlessly 3D movie that’s really a glorified VH1: Behind The Music special with an inflated ticket price, Perry tells the magazine that she’s long-tired of fame and its trappings. More specifically, she seems to be tired following the scrutiny of her divorce. Her’s rather long interview and the photo shoot are below.

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Charlize Theron Vogue UK Magazine May 2012

Charlize Theron is on the promotional trail for Snow White & The Huntsman and Prometheus, the former being released first. She’s the Evil Queen in SWATH, in stark contrast to Julia Roberts playing the same role in Basic Snow White: Mirror Mirror. The films are nothing alike, save for both queens suffering Wandering Accent Syndrome. I didn’t hate Mirror Mirror, but then I skipped most of the parts with the dwarves (they were annoying). Mirror Mirror is knowingly cheap-looking and infantile, but then it’s fit for its intended audience. SWATH wants an older audience. It’s darker, and brooding. Theron covers Vogue UK May, with her feet taking up the foreground and her Grace Kelly impression in the background.

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Kim Kardashian Cosmopolitan UK May 2012

 

Kim Kardashianlanded the cover of Cosmopolitan UK May 2012. The serial urinal cake explains why she’s slept around and been married twice. By her own account, it’s because her soul needs different NBA/ NFL penises at different points in her life. She tells the magazine: ‘I just don’t believe in one soul mate now… I think you have different soul mates throughout your life, that your soul needs different things at different times.’ The rest of her interview is below.

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Lauren Conrad: Filming Reality Is Really Hard

Lauren Conrad appears to be making some kind of lukewarm comeback to a career based on a long-cancelled reality show featuring Heidi Montag’s 1.0 face. I don’t know to what end, aside from MONIES. Because I’m paying little attention to her promotional trail and interviews. But this one caught my eye only because of its contrast to fellow reality star Kendra Wilkinson’s admission of talentless-ness earlier in the week. Wilkinson was very open about being famous for no reason, saying: ‘I have no talent. I have nothing to offer.’ However Conrad, who phoned-in authorship and a cancelled fashion line, says she’s famous because being followed by cameras and remembering lines for The Hills was hard: ‘It was very frustrating because I almost wanted to send critics my weekly schedule and say, ‘This is my ‘nothing.’ I would film all day, and then I had several other businesses on the side. In the last season I was running a clothing line and writing a novel. I work really, really hard.’ Interview below, along with her shoot.

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Kris Jenner Calls Wook Fat For Her Own Good

Khloe Kardashian covers Cosmo May 2012 with a digitally-rounded/ softened face and body. She looks better than ususal, but that’s probably because this looks like herself from five-years ago. Well she’s shilling her spin-off, that I guess is still on air, by regurgitating samey anecdotes about doting on husband Lamar Odom whose career’s been in the s**ter since marrying a reality star (his teammates appear to blame his wife, rather than his game). Asked whether she’d cook or strip to ease her husband’s malaise, she said: ‘Both… together! I cook for him naked.’ Then she tells samey anecdotes about her family emotionally-blackmailing her into having kids: ‘People make me feel like I have a problem because I haven’t had a kid yet. We were thinking we had to know when I was ovulating. But seriously? That took the fun out of everything. Lamar and I definitely want kids, and when it happens for us, it will happen.’ Finishing with a samey anecdote about her weight (it’s a new interview, I think, but I feel like I read this before): ‘Listen, my mom believes in us more than we believe in ourselves. But she is also our manager and trying to protect our brand. She’ll say, ‘Oh, you’re a little too fat right now.’ If she were just my manager, I’d have fired her right then. You can’t talk to me like that.’ Shilling is for thin people.

Lauren Conrad Topless For Glamour May 2012

Conflating gratuitous flesh with body-confidence as do her peers, here’s former star of MTV’s The Hills Lauren Conrad for Glamour May 2012. Conrad tells the magazine she now has the confidence to go topless, when real confidence would still be apparent if she were to wear a bra. Whatever. She’s half-naked and discussing body issues because Glamour is on a trajectory to becoming Cosmo.

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