Here’s Marilyn Monroe’s June 2012 cover for Vanity Fair. Because if Hologram Tupac has taught us anything, it’s that being dead is no excuse for being late to work. Also mentioned on the cover is the late, great Whitney Houston who’s demanding to see the receipts from heaven because Vanity Fair skipped Scarlett Johansson’s reluctant jiggle in favour of the original. This is Monroe’s third cover in five years, which means I’m going to need to see those receipts too.
Cameron Diaz covers Harper’s Bazaar UK June 2012, here’s her newsstand and subs covers. It’s uneventful and Diaz is blending into the background on both of them. It an odd shoot: it’s not eye-catching, it’s not stunning, it’s not memorable. It’s great that she’s doing a lot with a little, and she knows how to pose without being posey (so she can teach Kristen Stewart, while yelling at Stewart to stand up straight). It’s the standard handjob interview, for which we only have the lede so far: ‘There was a ripple of excitement that went through the restaurant when she walked out. New Yorkers try so hard not to notice celebs. But she’s just too big not to get a reaction, even from Downtown hipsters,’ said interviewer Melissa Whitworth. ‘It’s unusual that an interviewee will basically give you their entire afternoon. I’ve had much smaller, lesser stars with PRs hovering and a very strict 60 minutes. We spent three hours together at Gemma, the restaurant next to the Bowery Hotel. Drank a bottle of rosé, ate food and talked and talked. That’s the best way to experience someone and work out what makes them tick: when they are utterly relaxed. It was one of my favourite interviews in the 13 years I’ve been doing this. She’s been interviewed into oblivion over the last 18 years, so I expected her to be jaded, but not a bit.’
The interview will be the usual fare: having the nerve to age, and having the nerve not to reproduce yet (promoting What To Expect When You’re Expecting, she’s going to be asked this a lot by interviews who like boilerplate answers).
Kristen Stewart covers Elle UK wearing Megan Draper’s discarded hairpiece and a sweater sitting at the bottom of my laundry hamper since 1996. This is a cover on which she looks glum and sallow. But she’s abstaining from lip-biting, so she gets a free-pass. It’s oddly uneventful for a June cover; it should probably feel more Spring/ Summer, the colours should be brighter. It’s like a Winter cover that slipped through the net. Eh, I don’t but this s**t anymore so I don’t suppose it matters. This is Stewart’s cover promoting her lead in Snow White & The Huntsman. Speaking of which, SWATH co-star Charlize Theron has been drinking the lip-biter’s Kool-Aid. Theron told Access Hollywood: ‘I really, I really, really love that girl. I love that girl, like, I would jump off a building for that girl. She’s amazing, she’s amazing. She’s the real deal… [and] she gives really good back rubs. [Kristen] is the kind of actor that I like to be around because there’s nothing she’d really stop at in order to do the job. She’s got a tremendous amount of talent and, you know, I think you can have talent, but if you don’t have tenacity and moxy… She’s bad ass.’ Stewart’s subscriber cover is below.
Emily Deschanel’s sister and Don Draper’s wife posed without make-up for People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Women issue. I’m only posting these because Mad Men’s Jessica Paré is, literally, unrecognisable without make-up. She couldn’t even pass for Megan Draper’s long-lost half-sister. Her complexion is totally different, and even her hair’s throwing me. That said, meh, because she’s DIVINE. Zooey Deschanel looks older without the hipster accoutrements but she’s still very, very pretty. Below are scans and video from the cover shoot. Although, People should have offered Blue Ivy Carter the cover and cut out the middleman.
Here’s the moment President Obama sat alongside braless Jennifer Lawrence and wet t-shirt Taylor Lautner because POTUS-ing leaves enough time in this guy’s day to be a triple-threat (smiling, singing, waving). Here’s the Rolling Stone Magazine interview I didn’t even skim-read, honestly. Instead, I watched Slow Jam The News With Obama & Jimmy Fallon and the Jimmy Fallon special below.
Beyonce covers People Magazine this week, as The World’s Most Beautiful Woman Who Might Have Birthed Blue Ivy Carter Unless She Didn’t In Which Case This Cover Reverts To Lily Collins’ Eyebrows. This is where Beyonce takes over from Jennifer Lopez. With the magazine seemingly picking random women, rather than those who’ve been tabloid-relevant and beautiful at the same time. It’s a random cover, afforded someone who’s rarely on the cover, given a cover because she became a mother. It’s the World’s Most Beautiful Mother of Blue Ivy Carter 2012. I’d call it a pity cover, if this were anyone else. In any case, Beyonce gives an exclusive interview in which she conceived out of narcissism and sees B.I.C. as a trophy, a literal F**k Trophy ™: ’I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth. I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth. The best thing about having a daughter is having a true legacy. The word love means something completely different now.’
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