Realising this photo is actually only a few years old because she’s only recently turned 20, here’s a yearbook photo of Kate Upton shared by a Reddit.com user because apparently everyone who’s not me went to school with someone famous.
Posts under ‘Kate Upton’
I ignored Kate Upton’s breasts on the cover of Sports Illustrated because the same breasts were on the same cover last year and there are a bunch more on a place called Bing that you can find on something called Internet Explorer. But Upton nearly died shooting a cover that looks like it was shot on a white background in Uncle Terry’s basement and an iStock ‘winter’ background Photohopped in behind her. Turns out that thing was actually shot in Antarctica which means I’m pretty much spitting in her face, and in yours, if I don’t at least post it. Upton tells Today: ‘When I came back, I was like losing hearing and eyesight because my body was shutting down. It was working so hard to keep me warm. It was freezing. I’m from Florida so, it wasn’t great… Obviously, the pictures now, it’s incredible. I can’t believe we were all able to accomplish that.’
Kate Upton covers Sports Illustrated for a second year in a row because the kind of person who pays for print magazines doesn’t know how to Right Click+Save as the whole Internet (some place where you can already find famous breasts for free). Here is the 20-year-old at the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York City for an appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman to reveal the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition while shielding the same rack from the rain.
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Kate Upton is on the cover of British Vogue January 2013 because girls with pear shapes and big boobs is a thing we do so we’ll allow it (she also recently covered Italian Vogue). This follows Upton’s features in American and Spanish Vogue whose outside voices will not allow a figure-of-eight on their newsstands. Because blonde hair and big boobs is some oppressed, underrepresented minority that can’t land a cover anymore, the photographer basically says this is a pity cover because Upton’s just big enough but not too big of course: ‘When I decided to shoot Kate for our first cover of 2013, it was to kick off the year with a young women who is not a stereotypical fashion model. Although, let’s face it, she’s hardly a heffalump,’ said Alexandra Shulman. The photographer continued: ‘It’s very rare for a girl to move from one area of the business to the other. Largely due to the fact that fashion models are almost without curves, whereas swimwear girls are celebrated for them.’
Kate Upton’s breasts are overachievers while the rest of her is decidedly an underachiever. The 20-year-old covers Italian Vogue on which she’s called ‘Seductive’ because it’s hard not to be with one’s chest hiked up under one’s chin in a PVC corset. This cover follows a recent shoot for Spanish Vogue and for American Vogue who called her ‘The New Girl’ which really meant ‘You’re not sick of looking at her boobs, yet, surely?’ All of which boiled down to trying to sound magnanimous and progressive while throwing Upton pity covers for not being size zero.
Kate Upton covers GQ Magazine July 2012. For which Terry Richardson, of course, took a bunch of porny topless photos, and photos of Upton fellating a Popsicle in ways that will give you a patriotic boner. While being violated by Uncle Terry’s patent-pending Molester Lens, Upton regales the magazine with anecdotes about how her breasts are party animals who got her kicked off the Santa Monica Pier. She tells the magazine: ‘For the GQ photo shoot, we were on that ride where the seat spins while the actual ride is spinning, and I’m wearing a one-piece. And all of a sudden the whole entire top falls off! I’m holding myself, laughing, turning bright red, but a lot of people are watching, so they kicked us out of the Santa Monica Pier. It was so embarrassing. You wouldn’t think that would happen with a one-piece!’ Interview and photo shoot below.