Not even at the behest of pimp momager will the bottom b**ch disrobe and take a bubble bath on camera as one half of Kimye. THE POWER OF MONIES COMPELS YOU! Confirming what RadarOnline.com and others have been saying for over a month, Kim Kardashian told E! News about Kanye West’s screen time with a season premiere I think is this weekend: ‘I want to show my life. If we’re having dinner and he does show up, I’m sure we’re not going to go, ‘Stop the cameras!’ [But] I’m not going to be taking a bubble bath and drinking champagne or on a sex swing [on camera] like Khloé and Lamar do. It’s not going to be like that.’
Five photos of Kim Kardashian arriving at LAX in Los Angeles, CA April 15.
This makes a little more sense, in the context of the random stories the past week about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West being ‘very serious… in love… talking marriage… and looking at rings’ according to various sources. Which I wrote off as promotion for them faking it on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. As mentioned before, Kris Jenner is ‘thrilled’ about the money she could make from her daughter sleeping with a guy for publicity. She’s so ‘thrilled’ her bottom b**ch is going above and beyond, there’s a push to trap West into marriage so there can be another televised and monetised wedding. A source tells Radar that Kimye’s Fairy Tale Wedding: A Pimp Momager Event will be Jenner’s fault: ‘Kris Jenner is ecstatic that Kim is dating Kanye. She can see their celebrity stock and wealth rising by the day. She is pushing hard for Kim to get her claws into Kanye and would love it if he proposed. She has already told Kim that if they make it down the aisle they are going to do it on camera again. There’s just too much money to be made for Kris to allow this to be done privately. You would think most moms would be keen for their daughter to take it slow, especially seeing as Kim’s divorce still isn’t finalized from the last fiasco. But, Kris just marks Kris Humphries down as a major mistake to be forgotten and is eager for Kim to move on to bigger and better things, which, she believes, Kanye definitely is.’
Kris Humphries only just realised that his estranged wife is faking a relationship with Whichever Rich Black Guy Is Around At The Time because MONIES. So she doesn’t have to go back to making porn. RadarOnline.com reports that Humphries wants to know whether Kimye is contrived for ratings because it goes toward the credibility of his fraud case: ‘The crux of Kris’ case for annulment is that Kim married him under fraudulent pretenses and did it for her reality show. Team Humphries wants to know if producers of the Kardashian reality shows were in contact with Kanye West prior to the new couple dating or going public with their relationship and what those conversations consisted of. When did Kim develop romantic feelings for Kanye and why after publicly stating she wouldn’t feature any future romantic relationships on her reality shows, did she do a complete 360?’ 10 photos of Kardashian leaving her Manhattan hotel April 25.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West took a break from designing their Klu Klux Klan-inspired monograms to go on another pimp momager-approved date this weekend. Kardashian was in Chicago shilling the KKK collection. After which she flew to New York City to be with West. The couple staged an ice cream date. Then they went on a dinner date with her family that evening. Also this weekend, pimp momager reminded us who’s favourite by tweeting: ‘I love that kim kardashian still crawls in bed with me. She’s still my little girl! #favoritething.’
In Touch Weekly is reading your tea leaves, Fat Betty. Jessica Simpson’s future delivery is on the cover and conversations with Kanye West from 2008 are inside the issue. The tabloid followed the lead of OK! who announced that Jessica Simpson had given birth. A false alarm. The river of amnio is safely contained, so long as Simpson’s legs are crossed. And now ITW says that Simpson had a ‘dramatic delivery’ or some misleading s**t you’re supposed to glean while b**ching about the cost of gum because you’re not allowed to save four bucks by skim-reading the whole story at the counter. Anyway, inside, the tabloid has a story about Kim Kardashian and West. About which I’m only posting because nothing happened today, and I’m still tickled by this quote since I can totally imagine West pulling a ‘She wrong number sexted me!’ while sending back a d**k photo. ITW confirms the claims of Amber Rose, and Ray J, and Kardashian’s first husband Damon Thomas. A source says Kimye’s cells are the repository for ALL THE NUDES. Which is great. Because it’ll break the Internet when their cells are finally hacked. ‘It was at a Fourth of July party they had at his house,’ the source says. ‘Kanye was on his laptop and [then-fiance] Alexis came up behind him and saw that he was looking at the screen of his phone at a naked picture of Kim.’ But it’s totally okay, he said, because he’d never date a ‘whore with a fake ass.’
In a concession that will placate those of you AS IFing all over my Facebook, Kanye West admitted that Kim Kardashian is to urinal cakes what Beyonce is to hideous pants. Because AS IF Kardashian could compare to a real talent. Last week, Us Weekly’s sources claimed that West’s delusions had devolved to where he compared his Wednesday s3x tape partner to his friend’s wife: ‘It’s not a PR stunt. They’re perfect for each other. He thinks she’s his Beyonce.’ Which honestly sounds like it came out of the mouth of pimp momager as she picked their kids’ names. But relax, because that never happened. And West’s back to his d**k photo defense: if he’s not rapping about it, it never happened. Remember, he admitted to the d**k photos because he already rapped about it in Runaway. He said the same when asked about the comparison by the tabloid: ‘Of course there are a lot of media inaccuracies surrounding this past couple of weeks, especially the ‘She’s my Beyonce’ quote,’ West told the tabloid. ‘I would never compare anyone to my friend’s wife. Come on now, that doesn’t even sound like me. If I don’t say something in a rap or on Twitter, it’s not true.’
In related news, Howard Stern is over it. And Khloe Kardashian’s womb is displaying a ‘Vacancy’ sign, despite the apparent admission by her father-in-law. Sources tell RadarOnline.com that Joe Odom’s admission is ‘absolutely not true.’
Added below because they’re new, photos of Beyonce and B.I.C. in NYC April 17.
