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Posts under ‘Jessica Simpson’

Jessica Simpson Denies Breast Reduction Report

Sep 8th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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In good news for lovers of dirty pillows everywhere, Jessica Simpson has denied the In Touch Weekly story about a breast-reduction. ITW and The Sun newspaper reported that Simpson wanted to remove some of the stuffing, making them throw pillows. Sources claimed the singer had always hated her breast size and wanted to push back her wedding date to allow for surgery and weight loss. Simpson denied as follows, ‘Been getting lots of questions about this alleged breast reduction…not to worry I LOVE MY BOOBIES!! They aren’t going anywhere!’

Jessica Simpson’s Breasts Make Her Look Fat?

Sep 7th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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I’m reporting this because I’m tickled by the logic. And because we get to focus on her chest again, after a whole year of her wearing patterned muumuus. This comes from the creative fiction department of the UK’s Sun newspaper. But, like I said… tickled. According to the newspaper, Simpson wants a breast-reduction because her DDs make her look fat. Reports a source, ‘She’s never loved having a huge chest, [she thinks it make her look fat].’ Moreover, the paper claims Simpson wants to lose weight before the wedding and postpone the event if she can’t lose the weight before the planned date of November 11. Sound familiar? ITW reported this last week, ‘She thinks that if she downsizes her breasts, she will look smaller. She hasn’t decided if she’ll get it done before the wedding. She wants to, but she fears being laid up for a week or more so close to the date.’

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Boobs’ Fiance Accurately Gauges Her Vapidity

Jul 12th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Excuse the title, I’m too tired and migraine-afflicted to bother thinking of something more intelligent right now. It would appear that the future Mrs Jessica Johnson was given a birthday present she couldn’t eat as she turned 31-years-old (she’s older than Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, who knew?) Being given something that wasn’t a pizza weirdly excited the former singer. A few hours ago, she tweeted the above with the caption, ‘Life is such a gift. Thank you to all of my family, friends, and fans for all of your birthday wishes and unconditional love. I’m so HAPPY! … It is only 1pm and i think i have pretty much heard from everyone in my life!! That is a birthday record!! Huge smile on my face!… Eric made my birthday!!! I have never been more surprised in my life!’ She seemed oddly-enamored with her $15,000 Hermes orange bag that would, presumably, clash with most of her wardrobe. I don’t know. Maybe it’s a matter of taste (given that’s it’s still worth good money), but I don’t think Eric Johnson has any.

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You, Too, Could Smell Of Future Alcoholism

Jun 17th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Here’s Jessica Simpson’s advert for whichever scent it is that makes you smell like a future five-time-divorcee. I don’t know what to think of this advert. On one hand, it feels half-baked and like she should have left it in the Photoshop oven for another hour. On the flip side, it makes a nice change that a celebrity in an advert is recognisable. Moreover, even though she’s reportedly been losing weight for her wedding, she hasn’t Christina Aguilera’d the pounds away. I think Simpson pretty much looks like this in real life, so it’s hard to be mad at her.

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Jessica Simpson Working Out Before Wedding

Feb 18th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Jessica Simpson is losing weight for her wedding. Which is almost certainly a good thing. As, frankly, I can see the jokes about how heavy she looks in her wedding dress coming a mile off. The 30-year-old singer hired celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson to help her fit into whatever non-white moomoo will pass for her wedding dress (I jest). ‘She wants to look healthy,’ Anderson took it upon herself to tell Us Weekly. She added that Simpson ‘is in the mind-set that this is a big, forever lifestyle shift.’ I doubt that. I can’t quite fathom someone who once had a hard time distinguishing fish from chicken as a healthy-eater. But stranger things have happened (Simpson getting engaged to her very own K-Fed, for one).

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Jessica Simpson Pantless for New York Magazine

Feb 15th, 2011
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Jessica Simpson covers this week’s issue of New York Magazine. The singer is wearing no pants for this photo. And she wears an oversize wig. Which are good things, otherwise there’d be no real reason to give her cover the time of day. In the interview, it would appear the magazine has the grace to dance around Simpson’s engagement to a guy no one’s entirely convinced won’t use her. And they avoid lingering on issues around her weight. Which, although civilised of them, means they’re pretty much only talking to her about her ‘fashion empire.’ Something I’m not entirely sure how she’s at the helm of with sales coming in at $1 billion, according to a couple of reports I’ve read. Simpson, who’s considering changing her name after marrying Eric Johnson, is asked about celebrity brands and how she ties her shoes in the morning. I suspect, mostly the shoe thing.

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