Here’s Jessica Simpson in a Twitter picture captioned: ‘We are loving Laguna…and yes, I’m wearing flip flops!’ which I’m only noting because a week ago she wore platforms to balance her preggo frame (which consists of preggo mall hair, preggo lips, preggo boobs, and her belly). But it appears she’s conceded to life in flats the next two months of her pregnancy despite her lack of preggo ankles.
I’m arbitrarily reminding you of Jessica Simpson’s pregnancy since I’ve suffered 20-months of pillow lies from the lips of Beyonce. And, honestly, I need reminding of what an actual preggo woman looks like. Here’s five/six-months pregnant, barely, Simpson at the NBC Universal Winter TCA Press Tour Party in Pasadena, CA this weekend. She’s carrying an IRL baby. Not a pillow full of lies, not a food baby, not a gas baby, not an Internet baby. An actual baby that’s going to look like Simpson and not a surrogate. So, here’s a very preggo Simpson with a bump so big, with three-months PLUS to go, I wonder whether she’s expecting multiples. Simpson hopes to lose the baby weight in a $3M diet shill as soon as she pops. She recently tweeted Jessica Alba about postpartum weight loss, since Alba looks like this after having two kids: ‘New goal: look like @jessicaalba after baby. Job well done lady!’ Alba replied: ‘OMG! Ur so sweet!’
Jessica Simpson will be paid $3 million to lose the same number of pounds she would if there were no deal in place. Page Six is reporting that Simpson landed a deal with Weight Watchers where she has a year of portion control to reach her goal. It would be pretty tragic if Simpson spent 2012 yelling ‘TOMORROW!’ while making tacos in her Dutch oven, only to lose this deal like she lost the $500K pregnancy reveal. P6 claims Simpson had a number of weight loss offers, which is kind of depressing. But expected, since pregnancy is for fatties. Sources add: ‘The deal is in place, and after having her baby, she’ll start with Weight Watchers to lose her baby weight.’ Simpson will be getting married postpartum, so expect contrived tabloid stories about losing weight for her wedding day too.
If you’ve ever wanted to buy overpriced Dutch ovens, Jessica Simpson may have the shill muumuu for you. In all honesty, no matter what she says, I’m going to guess Simpson’s rather detached from the whole design process. So all you’re going to get are glorified slave-labour Snuggies. Whatever. Simpson recently attended a promotional appearance at The Bay in Toronto, Canada where she admitted: ‘[Ashlee and I] want to do baby, kids. I’m gonna [design] maternity.’
Jessica Simpson tells Entertainment Tonight that her swelling ‘stomach spoke for itself.’ Simpson also gave a longer interview with Access Hollywood, where she spoke of an easy pregnancy: ‘Pregnancy is a friend of mine, so everything has been running smoothly [with only a little] swelling in the belly and boob area… So far, so good. No morning sickness. I feel great… I’m tired, but you know, I’m making a baby here!’ Simpson also revealed how she found out her eggo was preggo: ‘I did the pregnancy test, I was feeling a little off. [I first told] Eric, of course. He was in the house. He didn’t know that I was taking a pregnancy test, so I kind of shocked him. I came in shaking like, ‘Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! This is happening!’ We both cried. We were in shock and kind of just sat there and stared at each other… I am having a spring baby.’ The couple will marry after Spring 2012 then: ‘We were going to throw something together, but I’d rather put more time in it and be able to really enjoy the day… When you’re pregnant, your hormones go crazy. I don’t want to be super stressed out and end up being a bridezilla! So, I’ll wait until after.’ The wedding won’t be televised: ‘Letting everybody in on every detail of your life, that’s a hard thing to do. For me, those days are over, but I can always be who I am on camera… I’ll always be myself.’
Jessica Simpson covers Lucky December 2011 and talks about both of the things keeping her relevant; her pregnancy, indirectly as this interview’s probably weeks old, and her pre-pregnancy weight-fluctuation. She’s basically talking about spending years farting herself flaccid so she could be relatable for fans.
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