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Jessica Simpson Still Doesn’t Know Where Babies Come From

Mar 7th, 2013
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Pregnant Jessica Simpson At The Ellen Show

Jessica Simpson keeps having accidents because no one ever told Jessica Simpson where babies come from. And she’s going to have 100 more kids because the pop-up book about the stork had words in it too, and that wasn’t part of the deal dammit! Simpson spoke to KIIS-FM radio host Ryan Seacrest on Wednesday, and explained: ‘I really hope that [the accidental pregnancies] stop. I think originally I had wanted three [kids] and now that I have one and another one on the way, I feel like I could stop here. It’s a lot of work. Obviously it pays off and it’s totally worth it, but it’s a lot of responsibility… Accidents do happen!’

Jessica Simpson Already Used Her Boy Name

Jan 21st, 2013
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Jessica Simpson doesn’t know how Jessica Simpson got pregnant because Jessica Simpson doesn’t know where babies come from. Which means Eric Johnson probably sneaked another baby in there when she wasn’t looking and told her it was a special cuddle because no part of that interaction involved bird, bees, or storks. But there’s a baby in there that’s going to earn its mother another $4 million endorsement when Weight Watchers takes another bet on Simpson’s will power and loses. A source tells RadarOnline.com that Simpson’s got a boy baby in there to join the girl baby out here. The couple is reportedly happy to be thinking of baby names rather than her father being outed. The source says: ‘It’s Jessica’s dream come true, she prayed she was having a boy. What with everything going on in her personal life, and her problems with her father, this has given her something to smile about. She found out this week after a check-up at the doctor, who asked her if she wanted to know the sex of the baby. Jessica immediately said ‘yes’ and when the doctor told her it was a boy she screamed with joy. She was so happy that Maxwell is getting a little brother because that’s something she always wanted when she was growing up. Jessica and Eric are so excited and have started going through names, but they haven’t settled on one just yet. It’s just a pity their favorite boys name went to their daughter first!’

Jessica Simpson Has No Idea How Jessica Simpson Got Pregnant

Jan 17th, 2013
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Jessica Simpson currently has a baby in her because a bunch of famous women who wanted maternity lines and People Magazine covers got pregnant at around the same time not realising they would be competing for attention. The other women seem to know when and how someone left a baby in there and when and how the baby will make its exit. But not Simpson. Simpson says her personal counterfeit Kevin Federline, Eric Johnson, is exactly as fertile and she got pregnant sitting on the sofa or something because she has no idea. Somehow ‘shocked’ that the sex she keeps bragging about is where babies come from, she tells Jay Leno: ’Apparently it was a part of God’s plan for my life. I was extremely shocked. I was shocked because I was going through a lot of hormonal changes trying to get back to the old, vibrant Jessica. And you know, it was kind of like a one-night stand. And it happened … all over again!’

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Jessica Simpson’s Rack Is Basically A Terrorist

Jan 9th, 2013
by Amy Grindhouse.
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A paparazzo who wanted photos of Jessica Simpson gestating a baby in her rack at the Kailua Beach retreat in Honolulu County back in late December stumbled upon the presidential daughters in the same vacation spot and took photos of the girls. Which as it turns out is an extremely bad idea because you’re basically Hitler for taking the pictures and you’re basically a terrorist for disseminating them. Moreover, your ass is going to get a visit from the secret service who are going to turn up to your house and invite themselves in and ask impertinent questions about the photos. A source tells Celebuzz.com no one was renditioned but pants were shat. ‘After he took the photographs, agents from the United States Secret Service came over and asked him for identification. They were nice enough to him and didn’t seize his camera equipment. But when he sent the photographs out via the agency’s wire, he received a letter, on a White House letterhead [from the White House Press Office] requesting that the images not be released. It stated that Sasha and Malia’s privacy should be maintained as they were on a private holiday. The letter said that other media had been respecting these requirements.’

Jessica Simpson’s Kid Moved From Her Left Boob To Her Belly, Thus Is The Circle Of Life

Dec 31st, 2012
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Jessica Simpson actually does have a baby in her belly now that the kid found its way from the place where Simpson keeps the milk to the place where Simpson keeps the Chili’s. Photo from Simpson’s Twitter with the caption ‘Bumpin’ and proud.’

Jessica Simpson Still Can’t Hide Those Suckers

Dec 28th, 2012
by Amy Grindhouse.
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There’s a baby in Jessica Simpson that’s apparently gestating in her left tit because look at that sucker. Simpson captioned this: ‘Fun in the sun.’

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