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Heidi Montag is Massaging Her Special Places

Heidi Montag is Massaging Her Special Places

Heidi Montag isn’t really relevant this week. Especially since people have poked holes in her ridiculous sex tape story with Spencer Pratt (to whom, I gather, she’s still legally married). So, she’s having to work overtime to conjure reasons for people to keep writing about her. Writing a message on Twitter announcing that you’re taking some alone time to massage your special places, to her credit, is a pretty sure fire way to get the job done. Montag’ll be irrelevant again next week. Don’t you worry. So, we’ll probably get a Tila Tequila-style twitter message announcing that she’s masturbating to the tune of She’ll Be Comin’ Round The Mountain, will filming another sex tape with Karissa Shannon.

Heidi Montag Pulls Nonexistent Vivid Sex Tape

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It seems that Vivid Exec. Steven Hirsch was right to call the bluff of Spencer Pratt. As reported last week, Hirsch stated he would not proceed past a certain point, the point of negotiation, without seeing preview material of a sex tape.

That is, he’d gone to the stage of negotiating a theoretical $5 million deal with Pratt, regarding a library’s worth of adult material (that doesn’t exist), including a lesbian sex tape (that doesn’t exist), without seeing so much as 30-seconds-worth of footage. Less than a week after the demand to see what was on offer, the deal is off the table. TMZ is reporting that Pratt and Montag, more so Montag, have pulled the tape (that, to be clear, never frikkin’ existed).

The report claims the two are no longer interested; Pratt’s rep sent a letter to Vivid to that affect, stating that his relationship with Montag was in jeopardy had he pushed the matter any further. She wasn’t against tweeting about it, nor against accepting offers for magazine covers/ talking abut future plastic surgery.

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Vivid Yet to See Heidi Montag Tape Preview

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It has been revealed that Vivid Entertainment, to whom Spencer Pratt is negotiating a deal with regard to a Heidi Montag sex tape, has not seen any previews of the material. Over the last two weeks, Pratt has been telling anyone who would listen that he has enourmous volumes of adult material in which Heidi Montag and he/ Heidi Montag and Karissa Shannon are having sex. Pratt insists that he has an entire library of material, some found when clearing out their former marital home, and that it’s worth $5 million (a figure which, in theory, Vivid agrees such footage would be worth). One thing, they’ve not yet seen a preview. Vivid exec. Steven Hirsch tells TMZ that he isn’t going to Costa Rica to meet with Pratt, about the sex tape, until Pratt is able to provide a preview that’s at least 30 seconds long. The reason for the demand, other than the obvious: Hirsch doesn’t want to be part of a publicity stunt (yeah, nor do I).

Image credit to Fame Pictures. Story & info. TMZ.

Puffy Faced Liar’s Mutilation Comes Full Circle

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This is something I spied over at Pop Eater, that made me laugh in a way posts rarely do. They pointed out, using the images above, that Heidi Montag’s extensive rounds of self-mutilation have come full circle; that is to say, there was a point where she could only look so different (short of getting surgery to transform herself into a Black man)… now her face almost looks like when she started. The photo on the far right, the most recent, shows the 24-year-old on the beach in Costa Rica with tape on her nose as, ‘Except for filming and a few photo shoots, I’ve had my nose tape on 24 hours a day since November’. She continues in an interview with Life&Style magazine, ‘It takes a year for your nose to heal. This is just the first photo that anyone has seen of it’. The photo on the far left, per the early couple of pictures on the Heidi Montag Plastic Surgery Timeline, shows the sex tape star before getting work done.

Heidi Montag Overshares About Having to Pee

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Heidi Montag’s excerpts from Life&Style magazine were released mid-week. The reality star, soon to be divorced from her porn-pedalling husband, Spencer Pratt, or not, sounds so very excited to be back on people’s radars. She hasn’t been a blip, since she mutilated herself for our enjoyment, November last year. The novelty of her puffy face has worn off, and so… for $hits and giggles, she’s having at the very least, her breast augmentation reversed. Montag, who according to Pop Eater, has had so much plastic surgery that she’s gone full circle and looks like her old self again, is having her interview released in stages.

A second press release details what she thinks broke up her four-year-marriage. The long and sort being that Pratt having to act like a husband broke up their relationship. Montag pontificates that her surgeries ruined her marriage; specifically, that as Pratt didn’t want her to have any surgeries… and she did anyway… the marriage broke down. Moreover, he had to look after her, when she was incapacitated by her multiple plastic surgeries over the years.

In Heidi’s shocking interview with Life & Style, the reality star says she blames herself for her divorce from husband, Spencer Pratt. “Spencer begged me not to get the first surgery and it almost broke up our relationship,” Heidi tells Life & Style of her 2007 nose job and breast augmentation. “Then he begged me not to get the second one and it did break our relationship.” Married for just seven months at the time, supportive Spencer was forced to wait on his new wife hand and foot. Among his responsibilities? Pulling Heidi’s pants down so that she could go to the bathroom. “It was just so much pressure,” she tells Life & Style. “No one wants to be taking care of his wife, who looks like she was in a horrific accident, 24 hours a day, when he begged her not to do it in the first place. Spencer didn’t sign up for this in our marriage.” [L&S]

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Heidi Montag Made The Sessies With a Playmate

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Heidi Montag may be even more freaky than she’s being portrayed by her scumbag soon-to-be-ex-husband, Spencer Pratt. Over the last few days, Pratt has been telling the media that he always wanted to be in porn and that he’s releasing sexually explicit material starring his estranged wife for the good of her career (for the sake of my own sanity, I can’t even begin to go into detail about their pi$$ing contest, back-and-forth, on Twitter). Today, we also get a report about Montag’s lesbian sex session with a Playboy Playmate. To the detriment of your faps, this is a B-grade Playmate; Montag’s sex tape co-star is one of the Shannon twins, Karissa Shannon, who wasn’t even good enough to wait in line with the other whores, for a two minute-long session with Hugh Hefner, and got kicked out of the Playboy mansion (along with her sister, Kristina Shannon).

Image credit to Fame Pictures. Story TMZ 1, 2.

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Spencer Pratt Wants $5,000,000 for Sex Tape

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Today, we learn Spencer Pratt’s asking price for the sex tape he’s selling that stars soon-to-be-ex-wife, Heidi Montag. Earlier today, we learnt that the tape will show Montag both pre-surgery and post-surgery. In another update, we learn that the figure Pratt wants for the tape is $5,000,000. Yes, that’s $5,000,000. And, no, I didn’t accidentally type a few zeros too many. Vivid, the adult company who’d be distributing the tape(s), doesn’t think the figure is ‘an unreasonable price’. Moreover, Pratt tells TMZ that he has an ‘entire website’s’ worth of footage. Pratt punctuated the day’s news with the revelation that he’s releasing footage of Montag’s pre/post-op O-faces for the good of her career.

Spencer went on to say he thinks releasing the tapes will be good for Heidi, saying, “When I realized how much Kim [Kardashian] was making, my logic is this is the best thing I can do for my ex-wife. Kim is on the cover of Allure right now. Heidi isn’t on the cover of Allure.” [TMZ]

Be sure to check out Montag’s 2006-2010 plastic surgery timeline picture gallery.

Image credit to Fame Pictures. Story & info TMZ.

Heidi Montag’s Tape is Pre and Post-Balloons

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Heidi Montag, according to TMZ, is pre and post-balloons, in the sex tape being sold by soon-to-be-ex-husband Spencer Pratt. The reality stars are currently making more of a mockery of themselves by being the centre of a sex tape scandal. It was revealed yesterday that Pratt had a phone conversation with Vivid Entertainment, of adult site Vivid.com who released the Kendra Exposed: Kendra Wilkinson sex tape and the Montana Fishburne XXX sex tape. Post the phone meeting, Vivid exec. Steven Hirsch confirmed a conversation with Pratt had taken place and they were trying to work out a deal. Today, as a follow-up, we learn that the tape shows a pre and post-surgery Balloon Boobs. So, whether you want to see Montag’s pre/post disfigurement O-face, you won’t be disappointed.

There’s a huge gallery of pictures of Heidi Montag before and after surgery, below. The images start in 2006, with no surgery; then, 2007, with minimal surgery (boob/ nose job), where she’s holding up her post-surgery Us cover;  then, 2008, at her Heidiwood fashion show; then in 2009, making an O-face; they go up to the year of the melons, 2010. The images are in date order.

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