At least 20 of Demi Moore’s 49-years have been Photoshopped away and she’s posing as Dita Von Tesse in at least one of the adverts for the 2012 Helena Rubinstein beauty campaign. The adverts are completely successful, assuming the company’s products include a time-machine and an asleep-at-the-wheel digital artist to butcher your face beyond recognition so you too will have poreless Real Doll skin for your TOO CLOSE close-up. Have they gone TOO far?
Jessica Biel covers W April 2012. Biel got engaged in December but only started wearing her engagement ring this week in photos that appeared to have been staged, exclusively with one paparazzi agency. The same agency got further exclusives the following day. So it would appear she’s shilling for attention, although she’s got little to promote right now except this cover. Reading this, she’s selling an interview that’s annoying and one-note except for a segue about gender-roles for children and playing sex games with decapitated, naked Barbies.
This is the photo shoot during which Jennifer Lopez was accompanied by the help, Vogue April 2012. It’s a Mario Testino cover on which she appears to be wearing Bottega Veneta Spring 2012. Testino also just shot Lopez for her V Magazine cover. This cover causes my eyes to gloss over, IDK why. Maybe because her side-boob, bicep, and profile aren’t that captivating. It’s pretty, but forgettable and dull. It would have been better in almost any other pose.
Here’s January Jones after lunch at Taste restaurant in West Hollywood (worry not, Xander ‘Lindbergh’ Jones was photographed on Thursday). I’m publishing these because I need to do something with the photos after staring at them trying to work out whether her pink almost-jeggins were giving her a camel toe. I think they’re cutting off biscuit circulation since they’re two sizes too small but so long as she’s cut out of them it’ll be fine. Also, are weird colour jeans a thing? This reminds me of Jessica Alba making yellow jeans happen. Can we not?
Apparently not dying of anything, Victoria Beckham waged a one-woman war on UGG boots because it’s 1997 and everyone’s wearing them again. Except it’s not which only makes her comments in French fashion magazine Madame Figaro this month all the more GOOPY (hello, VOOP?). She tells the magazine, for which she’s this month’s sallow cover girl, ‘You’ll never see me on the street in a tracksuit. I just love fashion too much to wear a tracksuit! The same goes for Ugg boots. I only wear them only at home.’ Yeah, let’s go with VOOP, since BOOP’s already taken by Beyonce, and Beckham’s worn UGGs in public before.
Mila Kunis covers Harper’s Bazaar April 2012 in another shoot by Uncle Terry, who’s still getting work so long as he lights his basement properly. It’s an interesting interview, rather than the usual insipid boilerplate questions. She talks about being a homebody who never goes out nor is she asked out, probably because dudes don’t want to concede to being Macaulay Culkin’s sloppy seconds.
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