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Posts under ‘Fail’

Nicole Snooki Polizzi Looks, Like, Totally Sad

Nicole Polizzi, better known as Snooki, is pulling her best sad face in hopes that no one will hold her down and force her to wash off her layers of fake bake. I’m pretty sure it’s working. There were no reports that after these were taken she was made to strip off and scrub her inch-thick layers of tan with a Brillo pad.

Pictures below show Snickers and the gang, as they run errands around Miama, FL including working out, tanning, laundry, shopping and getting their hair done.

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Nothing’s Weird in this Khloe Kardashian Photo

Nope. Nothing. Nothing’s totally and utterly weird about what-the-heck-ever is going on with this picture. I saw this and at first was thrilled that some headway had been made in covering up Khloe Kardashian’s weapons grade butterface.

She’s been upgraded from Wookiee Kardashian to just a regular Butterface. That’s better, right? She gets the upgrade because, ignoring everything from the neck up, this girl looks better than she ever has. Her figure looks great, and she’s dressed really cute. I can’t even start with what’s happening from the neck up. I just… I can’t. 15 pics show Khloe Kardashian promoting a brand of sanitary products in New York City on April 14, 2010. For some reason, they’ve selected the foul-mouthed Kardashians to help literally and figuratively break down walls about women discussing periods. Hence breaking down the wall in this photo and Kourtney Kardashian writing an over-long personal blog on her official site.

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Here’s The Latest Sex and The City 2 Poster…

Aside from being Photoshopped cross-eyed, so that she could look right into the depths of your soul, there is little to report on Sarah Jessica Parker in the new Sex and the City 2 movie poster. Actually, wait. Hang on! This is my second SWEET TAP DANCING BABY JESUS moment of the day. What in the heck is going?

Sarah Jessica Parker is terrifying. Do you guys see this? Everything from the neck down is marvellous. Just marvellous. I mean that. However… from the neck up… we are treated to a zombie-eyed stare and glasses that can be used to look into other dimensions (seriously, just look through those thick-ass lenses).

I didn’t post the video at the time, but a second trailer was released for this last week. For the second trailer, to the May 27, 2010 release movie, check below.

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Justin Bieber is Overestimating His Street Cred


Justin Bieber thinks rappers star in his vids because they like him… No, dear. No.

Whenever I am compelled to blog about Justin Bieber I first need to prepare myself with a shot of Pepto and a colon cleanse. It’s that hard on my system, it’s usually a good week until I can poop again. I don’t know what it is about this child, but he does all kinds of unpleasant things to my system… Where was I?

Bieber overestimates how much he is liked and respected as a musician. If you can even call him that. The 16-year-old spoke to MTV News and said that the reason he had the support of rappers like Lil Wayne and Ludacris was he’s not corny (not because you’re basically owned by Usher, huh, Bieber?). Um. He is corny. But he’s allowed to be corny, as he’s only just on this side of the womb. He’s not allowed to keep rocking that hairstyle; creating gender-confusion and sexuality crises in tweens everywhere. That is not on, Mr. Bieber. Not. On.

Jessica Simpson is Looking Oddly Constipated

Jessica Simpson confused her simpleton fans, on the morning of April 12, by tweeting a picture of herself wearing a busted-ass poly-blend wig. Most of the people who posted about it seemed confused as to whether she had actually cut her hair. It appears from these photos, which were taken a few hours later, that this is not the case. I didn’t need convincing, as the wig was as realistic as Heidi Montag’s over-stretched globes. Seriously, people.  If you can see your reflection in it, and it’s sat about an inch off her forehead, it’s not effing real. Sheesh.

The pictures show a wig-less Jessica Simpson, looking oddly constipated. She was one of the many celebrities to attend the Shine On Good HouseKeeping event celebrating 125 Years Of Women Making Their Mark in NYC, on April 12, 2010.

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Taylor Momsen Left Home Dressed Like This

This is the week for leaving home looking as though you have been beaten for your drug money by a gang of marauding hookers. First it was Mischa Barton and her mini vomit-coloured moo moo. Now it’s Gossip Girl’s Taylor Momsen. The 16-year-old racy actress-turned-singer fronts the band The Pretty Reckless.

Courtney Love’s armpits cried stinky tears of joy, as Momsen rubbed her face all up in there. Momsen then poked at her own eyes, repeatedly, with charcoal for that classy touch. She then removed her outer clothing and ripped her stockings, creating the look you see before you… Crack House Barbie is (not) a brand of the Mattel Corporation; push-up bra, crucifix, and stringy weave, sold separately.