The difference between Khloe Kardashian and oft-mangled Zooey Deschanel is Deschanel doesn’t need the help. Also unlike Deschanel, Kardashian has been deemed worthy of being digitally molested in something better than free photo editing software. Kardashian is on two newly-released magazine covers and she’s barely recognisable on either. She covers Cosmopolitan Middle East, above; a cover for which her neck’s been oddly-shortened, her clavicle turned into an expanse of skin, and half her torso whittled away. Because exclamation points are nature’s low fat caps lock, Kardashian blogged about the cover: ‘OMG!!!!!! This is honestly a dream come true! I died when I saw it. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be on the cover of Cosmo because I never knew it was an option. When they sent me the email to be on the cover I said to my publicist, ‘I think you meant to send this Kim.’ LOL. She was like ‘No crazy girl! This is for you!’ Not only is it such a blessing to be on the cover of Cosmo, but I am the FIRST cover girl for COSMOPOLITAN Middle East! What an honor!!!!! I’m honestly bursting with pride. I am truly blessed!’ Completely ignoring the passive-aggressive slight against her more successful/ attractive sister, we’ll move on to Kardashian’s family Redbook cover. The Kardashian and Jenner girls… and baby Mason Dash Disick, randomly… star on the fold out cover of Redbook’s first family issue. Oh dear. Family bikini waxes and family habits of taking nude pictures for botox money. Nice choice. Anyway, Kardashian said of the family’s appeal, ‘We are a real family. We don’t sugarcoat anything. We’re not the Brady Bunch, but we always put each other first.’ Adding, ‘We love each other on camera, we cry on camera. I think people relate to the realness of it.’
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