Amy Grindhouse » Crimes Against Photoshop

Sexual Napalm Jessica Simpson Allure Pictures

Amy Grindhouse — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:02:05 +0000

Described as sexual napalm by douche-tastic John Mayer, Jessica Simpson covers the March 2010 issue of Allure. The singer discusses her body, her weight, and her ass-tastic relationship with Mayer. She neglects to use the words douche or ass so I had to shoehorn that in, on her behalf. Nowhere do I see any mention of why little miss sexual napalm needs so much Photoshopping. Surely, if she were that dynamite, she could have walked onto the Allure set wearing a turtleneck and a ski mask and still knocked that shoot out of the park. It seems not. The photos have been rubbed with bacon fat and lies. Heavy on the lies.

Her interview and the rest of her photo shoot can be found below.

On weight: “When I walk through an airport and people go, ‘You’re not fat!’ I’m like, ‘Thanks. Thanks. That’s great. Good to know I’m not fat today. Thank you!’ “My job is to be creative. And I’m not weighing in for anybody.”
On how she’ll date pretty much anybody: “I definitely will marry an artistic man. It will show you the colors of my character, the person that I fall in love with next. I don’t even have a type! I don’t have a physical type. I have an emotional type. When you have yourself together, I don’t care what you look like at all. You can be tall; you can be short.”
On nudity: “I don’t care how dark and intellectual the role could be, you know? I don’t care if I frickin’ get an Oscar for it, I’m not going to do it. Those accolades mean nothing to me….I don’t think people deserve to see what’s underneath my clothing. That’s only for my next husband–ha ha ha!”
On being herself: “I don’t care if the cameras are on or not, you’re going to get the real me. There’s no reason to mask that, because that’s what has given me the chance to be in a powerful position.”

Image credit to Allure March 2010, via The Superficial, ONTD, Superior Pics.

Halle Berry’s Pure Orchid Fragrance Advert Pic

Amy Grindhouse — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 02:11:13 +0000

Other than the fact that I’m 90% sure she was nowhere near water when this was shot, I’m amazed at how little Photoshop is going on in this photo. Whenever these fragrances come out, the first thing that happens is everyone starts pooping with anger about how some one’s hip bone has been chipped away/ they had a scar removed/ they’ve been ’shopped beyond recognition blah… blah…

But other than the stringy weave, the uneven skin-tone that doesn’t do perfect Halle Berry justice, and the tacky nail polish I think I’m good. This is at least the second of such ads. The advert is for the actress’ fragrance, Pure Orchid. If I were to fall into her trap, I would tell you the scent is Orchid, and a few other flowers smooshed in for good measure. However, I’m not falling for it. Pure Orchid smells like Baby Oil and the tears of under-worked Photoshoppers.

Prince William’s Hair Photoshopped, Darkened

Amy Grindhouse — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 01:44:00 +0000

What in the Photoshop-happy heck is going on here? This is the new cover for the UK edition of Hello magazine. The cover shows the future King of England Prince William, his chest hair, an outfit that looks like it was Photoshopped on too, and William’s hair. What’s that, you say? William’s hair disappeared with your last real chance of going sober, Amy! Oh. Okay. I trust your judgement. If you say he has about three hairs left as of last month, then I guess I can’t argue.

Prince William, 27, covers the magazine as though they coloured his hair with a Magic Marker, and then placed atop his head John Travolta’s best lace front. The cover was taken last month, as was this photo. Notice anything strange?

Madonna Louis Vuitton Ad Before Photoshopping

Amy Grindhouse — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 19:12:13 +0000

Madonna must have angered the Photoshop Gods when she threw baby Jesus back into the holy water. The singer is having a heck of a time of it right now. Not that she is probably aware of this fact as she is reportedly getting her groove on with another barely-legal pile of abs with a modelling contract. Madonna possibly having a man-hating lump of coal where her heart should be, to one side for a moment… can we take a second to address all of these Photoshop leaks?

I don’t happen to find man-privates half as amusing as I find pictures of other women’s boobies so I skipped posting the picture of Jesus Luz’s crooked, leaking weiner; the focus of said picture being Madonna’s weathered and puffy face. Well, I think that was her face. You tell me. It kind of looks like a deflated balloon with Madonna v2.0’s face on it. It’s like someone had let all the air out, cocked her wig to an angle, and instructed her to suck all the juice out of an imaginary lemon. The above is the second photo leaked in as many weeks, in which Madonna looks like she was pulled out of bed for the shoot.

A mysterious someone leaked a photo of Madonna, before being retouched for the fall 2009 Louis Vuitton campaign. The singer can be seen reclining in the same chair, in the same outfit but slightly different pose. She is Photoshopped within just about an inch of her life. Though, honestly, I thought the campaign posters were hilarious before the alleged unretouched photo was leaked.

In the gallery you can see each image in its extra large/ HQ format. Click on each image to get a closer look. There are also further images showing Madonna behind-the-scenes of the shoot, with Marc Jacobs, looking fresher than above.

Image credit to Louis Vuitton, Cele|Bitcty, NY Mag, Jezebel, and Sassy Bella.

Steve Martin & Alec Baldwin Oscars 2010 Poster

Amy Grindhouse — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:22:58 +0000

It seems that the recession has hit the Oscars, with this cheap-as-chips poster.

The poster for the 2010 Academy Awards, which will be hosted by Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, is above. The image shows each guy sitting atop one shoulder of an over-size statue. My first, honest, thought when I looked at this picture was that the recession had really busted the balls of those fancy Hollywood folks.

Sucks to be them right now. Seriously. I mean they can afford to rub glitter and unicorn tears all over women’s evening gowns (to give them that extra pizazz) but they can’t afford the full Photoshop suite and instead have to settle for free MS Paint. I’m not knocking the joys of drawing boobs and thought-bubbles onto people’s pictures with Paint. However, this really looks as though it has been cropped by a one-eyed graphic artist and then slapped on without a care. Sloppy.

Anne Hathaway’s Armpit Photoshopped for GQ

Amy Grindhouse — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 19:49:11 +0000

Another day, the beginnings of another Photoshop controversy. This scandal is only a storm in a teacup and an excuse for me to post these photos of Anne Hathaway from the end of the week (which I can finally see clearly, now that my vision has cleared up). The piranha at Jezebel got a tip from a befuddled reader, who had spotted something strange. The issue was with the latest British GQ, which splashes a photo of Hathaway’s sessy face and almost exposed nips across its March 2010 cover. I guess armpits, armpit hair, any unsightly/ bothersome/ unfeminine bodily cavities which are of far less use in sexual circumstances, are all things that must be airbrushed away. Well their absence seems to suggest so.

Anne Hathaway did a whole NSFW spread, which you can view; 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

Demi Moore Wanted: Before & After Photoshop

Amy Grindhouse — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 14:50:57 +0000

The Demi Moore advert for Helena Rubenstein’s new fragrance, Wanted, can be seen before and after a sick photoshopper vomited rainbows and glitter all over it. I saw the original ad a good few hours before others picked up on it, but I was scared of being kneecapped by the photoshop mafia if I mentioned the actress had no knuckles or any cheekbones in the overdone advert. That is in the manner of W magazine when they tried to sue the Innanets for calling out their inability to confirm or deny, resolutely, whether they’d edited away Moore’s hip.

I think it’s safe to say that Moore is being stalked by the photoshop mafia. She doesn’t seem able to get away from them. She looks like she was knocked over the head, on the way home from her Recovered Cougars Anon. meeting, and made barely recognisable/ glittered against her will. As NY Mag points out, any joints or wrinkles have been stripped away. And, I don’t mean extraneous ones, I mean like normal age lines or even the wrinkle that should be around her neck as she turns her head in the photos. The original photo, on the right of course, was spotted on Ashton Kutcher’s TwitPic account, by an eagle-eyed Jezebel tipster. The photo is dated March 4, 2009, so apparently their eagle-eyes can see into the past. Or they stumbled on the photo, which shows Moore in the same dress and a similar position as in her ad, by accident. She’s prettier un-retouched, IMHO.

Watch two Wanted advert videos; the commercial and the making-of, below.

Wanted fragrance starring Demi Moore by Helena Rubinstein TV Commercial.

The Making of Wanted TV Commercial, the Fragrance by Helena Rubinstein.

Kim Kardashian Reveals New Fragrance Advert

Amy Grindhouse — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 04:28:07 +0000

Kim Kardashian is almost recognisable as Jennifer Lopez’s illegitimate daughter from the waist up, and herself age 12 from the waist down, in this new advert for her February 2010 release fragrance. I say age 12, as that was the last time my legs were that damn skinny. I’m thinking either that diet pill crap she’s selling actually frikkin’ works miracles or her pins have been ’shopped down to two tanned toothpicks. Well, whatever, her remaining curves look stunning.

Ellen DeGeneres American Idol Judge Pictures

Amy Grindhouse — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 04:16:52 +0000

The first photos of Ellen DeGeneres in her role as part of the American Idol judging panel have been released. The talk show host was drafted in to sprinkle the panel with her niceties, in place of Paula Abdul’s brand of crazy ass. I’m a little confused by these photos though. All I get from checking these out is that DeGeneres will be standing rigidly, while being badly MS Painted onto a backdrop with her fellow cast mates. Call me crazy, but that doesn’t seem that interesting.

Lady GaGa Racy David LaChapelle Photo Shoot

Amy Grindhouse — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:39:12 +0000

Lady GaGa has done another photo shoot with famed photographer David LaChapelle. According to Toya’z World the photos are featured in the Ultimate Super Deluxe Limited Edition of GaGa’s new album The Fame Monster.

They depict the singer naked, being held by a dead-eyed robot Kanye West, as a volcano explodes in the background. They also show her wearing nothing but news cuttings and with sparks shooting out of her vagina. Now, it’s something when the photoshopping isn’t the most over the top thing about this kind of shoot. The fire hazard, vagina sparkler thingy definitely takes the cake for me.

The remaining photos from the Lady GaGa Fame Monster album spread, below.

Images Lady GaGa The Fame Moster, Fashionising. Story Toya’z World.

Amy Grindhouse » Crimes Against Photoshop

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