The royal baby that’s been gestating in Kate Middleton’s colon this whole time has finally decided on North-facing rather than South-facing and moved its reasonably-priced Ikea furniture up the flight of stairs to her tummy.
6 photos below of Duchess Catherine Middleton, who is still the tiniest kind of pregnant, visiting a children’s hospice in Winchester, England on Monday.
I’m probably ruining this for anyone who wanted to be surprised by how many babies came out of Kim Kardashian, but I’ve been keeping count on my fingers and now I need those fingers to type. There’s at least one baby in Kim Kardashian’s belly because that thing ‘popped’ overnight. There’s at least one spare baby in her butt, obviously. And there’s probably at least one baby gestating in each boob which makes four. Photos from her vacation in Greece.
The Kardashians pretend to love each other whenever there’s a camera within range, which is why the family pretended to love each other while being followed around by a camera crew in Greece this weekend. Here’s a photo of Kim Kardashian boarding a yacht (trailed by half the staff of E! News and almost all of her living relatives except for that guy who knocked her up). And I guess there’s a reasonable chance of her falling into the water like there’s a chance any of the cargo could be thrown overboard. Although she’d float safely to shore, even if she were thrown overboard, because the spare baby that’s been growing in her butt like a spare tire this whole time is basically a flotation device.
The Notorious B.I.C. graced France with her presence while also gracing her own parents with her presence because they were allowed to come along so long as they paid for everything. More photos of The B.I.C. running a whole country from inside a restaurant all with a look on her face that says she does not have time for this.
Kim Kardashian planned to make this pregnancy all about her sexuality since she doesn’t magically have anything else to offer just because the condom broke. But In Touch Weekly claims she chickened out once she realised that the same tabloids who have been calling her fat when she’s crammed into shapewear and body conscious dresses could suddenly see her naked. A source tells the magazine, ‘She was considering doing the Demi Moore-style pregnant photo shoot. She would have had her pick of any cover she wanted. [However] it opens her up to too much scrutiny.’ And in another uncharacteristic moment of self-awareness, ‘She won’t do any monthly covers until after the baby.’
Here’s Kim Kardashian in New York City with Kanye West who is buying roses and holding hands in exchange for a gift card at the whore house. And because gift cards are great, he’s been skulking several steps behind her two days in a row now which obviously makes up for missing the other six months of this pregnancy. 12 photos below showing what a great dresser Kardashian still is.
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