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Posts under ‘Britney Spears’

Britney Spears Will Probably Never Wear a Bra

Mar 1st, 2010
by Amy Grindhouse.
5 comments

What’s that saying, same old shish just a different day. Well today Britney Spears may have a new weave, but she still can’t manage to get on a bra in the morning. It’s not like she can’t afford something to contain those puppies.

She can afford to get her weave did. She can afford to go to Wal-Mart and get a Two-fer in this bish. I’m actually going to pause for a second after blogging about her saggy-ass tittehs and send her some of my underwear. All I got is one ripped bra, and one pair of church panties. But that’s more than she seems to have. Her GD tittehs are dragging on the floor. I’m prepared to blog bra-less until such time as I can afford to go back to Target. It’ll be worth it, to not have to stare at pics of her breasticles swinging and knocking paparazzi in the face.

If for some reason you wish to stare at her swing low, sweet chariots see below.

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Britney Spears Blonde Hair and Extensions Pics

Feb 28th, 2010
by Amy Grindhouse.
Comments are off for this post

Hold the phone, Britney Spears’ usually matted weave doesn’t cover itself in glitter and unicorn vomit. Its unmatched, uncombed beauty is provided by weave experts. Experts I gather she pays to make her hair look like this.

The sometime singer spends more time dying her hair than she does singing, or mothering for that matter. Bored of her brown hair, and needing a quick and easy reason for the paps to take her picture again, the songstress headed to a West Hollywood salon. In place of actual staff, I am going to assume they are just leaving the unicorns to their own devices to vomit all over her hair unattended. It looks better than it did before. And if I were a betting woman, I would guess someone ran a comb through it. However, it is still looking a little woolen. The texture of the extensions never does quite match her own hair.

It’s better than nothing, and it’s probably the more humane option than running her through the car wash. Or just plonking a nest of possums atop her head, in the manner her handlers used to. You can click both pictures for a closer look.

New Britney Spears Candie’s Campaign Adverts

Feb 4th, 2010
by Amy Grindhouse.
2 comments

New Britney Spears Candie’s promos have been revealed. In the first picture Spears looks cute, if distorted in a hey-the-perspective-is-screwed-and-her-head-looks-too-big-for-her-body kind of way. This picture was taken by Annie Leibovitz. I know it’s a little hard to tell this is an Annie Leibovitz, as it doesn’t look like Spears was strung out on meth, unlike with the last official photo.

The bottom image looks to be pre-photoshop, joyfully. We can see Spears trying to re-capture her 1999-hotness in all her blotchy glory, rather than have to play the game of Guess Which Body Parts Were Photoshopped on Afterwards.

[ETA: My buddy PoorBritney points out the 2nd pic was a leaked photo from an '09 shoot, not new one. Sorry for the mix up, I got both pics from the same place.]

Image credit to World of Britney and Breathe Heavy thanks to ONTD.

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Britney Spears using Bodyguards’ Money to Shop

Jan 19th, 2010
by Amy Grindhouse.
Comments are off for this post

Britney Spears is being accused of using her peroxide-soaked brainsicle to work around her conservatorship. The lip syncer is being accused by TMZ of cheating her way around the legal smack-down. She is pretty much not allowed to scratch her own butt without asking someone’s permission first, so it’s not surprising that she is bored. She allegedly has a measly $1,500 per week to spend on her official credit card. Damn, she spends $1,500 on caffeine alone and avoids wasting money on things like soap, shampoo, bras, or a new non-drip weave.

According to shop staff, who sound a little too excited to rat her out, Spears has been using her bodyguards’ credit cards to buy shoes. When using their cards she signs her own name, possibly in crayon, and can do nothing but scratch her weave when the shop assistants point out she isn’t Jim Smith or whomever.

To be fair, the conservatorship is kind of stupid at this point. Let the girl go crazy again. See if we care. Some people want to self-destruct. Let them.

Some photos of Britney Spears looking vacant, but undeniably adorable, below.

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Lily Allen Prefers Britney Spears to Lady GaGa

Dec 28th, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
4 comments

Lily Allen had two bumps to the head and more holiday booze than she could handle this Christmas. Allen was photographed and interviewed for the new issue of Harper’s Bazaar magazine. She was asked whether she preferred Lady GaGa or Britney Spears. She scratched her head, then her crack, then phoned a friend, and still came up with the following answer. She said that the two were in different worlds and that GaGa was too new to be compared to Spears. Allen insists that Spears is a legend, in all her lazy, blubbery lip syncing glory.

My hangover and I agree. Spears and her decade of lazy can’t compare to fresh, fashion-forward GaGa and her annoying insistence on singing live.

Image credit to Fame Pictures. Story & info. Breathe Heavy via ONTD.

Britney Upset About Extended Conservatorship

Dec 24th, 2009
by Amy Grindhouse.
Comments are off for this post

Britney Spears will be spending her Christmas chained to the radiator in my basement, along with Prostitot Cyrus, Amy Wino, and MooMoo Carey’s half-dead photoshoppers. Okay, I jest, she’ll be in her father’s basement not mine. The stringy-weaved singer is still under the control of her dungeon-master daddy.

She may not still be ill with the crazies, but she has been showing some signs of sliding back into her old ways. The weave long ago achieve sentience and is clinging onto her scalp for dear life. She looks sticky and she has been filmed driving around LA in circles for nothing more important that a coffee break.

An insider, who is inside my head, told OK! magazine that Spears has the Winter sads that she cannot flush her money down the toilet if she wants to. The singer is fast approaching 30-years-old and is a semi-competent mother to two children, and yet for the foreseeable future daddy Spears is going to be calling the shots.

Image credit to MAC/Fame Pictures. Story & info. OK! magazine and Hollyscoop.

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