Everyone with eyes has observed that Amanda Bynes has been following Britney Spears’ 2006 breakdown to the letter. Including the part where Spears was lonely enough to bait paparazzi then engage in ‘hooking up’ with at least one of them. I don’t recall Spears having a drug den, or whatever, but the rest is almost exactly the same down to the head-shaving and the bad wigs. So of course, as soon as Spears woke up from her nap, she decided she’s the one to save Amanda from Amanda. According to TheCelebrityFix, Spears contacted Bynes and urged the actress to reach out to her estranged parents for help. ’Britney had a brief conversation with Amanda the week before her arrest and promised to personally help Amanda get her career back on track by helping her record music,’ says the source. ‘Britney also opened up to Amanda about her painful breakdown and about how she was so against her dad taking out a conservatorship… but she told Amanda that it wound up being a life, career and fortune saver.’ Apparently keen to see Bynes under conservatorship too, Spears is pushing the matter. ‘Britney has known Amanda casually for a few years but lost touch with her in 2011 after Amanda started going off the rails… Brit was able to get Amanda’s cell phone from her parents, whom she contacted first to offer support and guidance. Brit and her dad have provided Amanda’s parents with details about how a conservatorship works. Britney promised to stick by Amanda through her recovery and not ditch her as many celebs did to Brit when she broke down.’
Because Photoshop is all you need to become bikini-ready after 31-years of eating nothing but Fruity Pebbles and expired prescription pills, here’s Britney Spears on the cover of SHAPE Magazine whose digital artists need a damn medal for using whatever tool it is that creates light in someone’s dead eyes.
Because grocery stores are like church for people who would certainly burst into flame for forgetting to say grace that one time, here is Britney Spears and the ‘boyfriend’ who’s being leased-by-the-month like your new car (until he breaks down or until a newer model is available).
Since the grocery store self-checkout is like the water cooler for people without a real job, Britney Spears has decided to become grocery store official with the random whose credit history and background check indicate he’s stable enough to be her new ‘boyfriend.’
Britney Spears doesn’t know the difference between a government name and government cheese, but you better believe Team Britney Spears has got your government name on file if you’re dating the singer. The sources who see you when you’re sleeping and judge you for touching yourself at night know everything about the random Spears is dating weeks after ending an engagement. David Lucado reportedly agreed to sign a non-disclosure agreement and undergo a background check… despite being set up by his girlfriend’s father, Jamie Spears. ‘Jamie has known David for a while, and always thought he was a thoughtful… all-around good guy. Britney needed someone to keep her company after she and Jason [Trawick] broke up,’ says a source. ’It had to be a [man], because Britney just doesn’t respond as well to [women]. And remember, she is still under a conservatorship. Before David started spending time with Brit, he had to undergo a background check, and sign a confidentiality agreement, all arranged by Papa Spears. Jamie makes sure if things go south between Jamie and Britney, details about her life wouldn’t be made public. David had absolutely no problem with it, and completely understood why it was being done.’
Apparently not realising the cameras were switched on when she said true words so you don’t have to about Britney Spears literally phoning in her vocals on Will.I.Am’s remix to Scream & Shout, Eve is still claiming that she didn’t say that thing she said on Watch What Happens Live. She said: ‘I heard that might not be Britney… That’s what I heard, but you know, I don’t know… it could be Britney. But I heard it wasn’t.’ And apparently there’s another way to interpret that aside from ‘It’s not Britney, b**ch,’ because Eve is still making weird denials about the statement of record days later. Asked by TMZ.com to translate her own words into the truth so you don’t have to here’s what Eve said on Sunday: ‘I didn’t say anything about her singing. I said something about her British accent. We know it’s Britney Spears singing the song. I never said anything.’ Here’s video of the denial.
Eve is apparently still alive since she’s a guest on Watch What Happens Live. And since she’s still alive, she’s able to tell the truth so you don’t have to tell the truth about Britney Spears phoning it in for Scream & Shout since Eve knows exactly what’s going on in 2013 even though her career is stuck in 2003. On the show, Eve says on camera: ‘I heard that might not be Britney… That’s what I heard, but you know, I don’t know… it could be Britney. But I heard it wasn’t.’ There’s no real way to misinterpret that. She’s saying Spears is credited with vocal work she didn’t do. A source lashed out to TMZ.com ‘Was Eve even in Studio. Didn’t know. She’s clearly jealous. I didn’t even know she still sings.’ But now Eve is telling lies so you don’t have to tell lies about Britney, b**ch. The rapper backpedaled on Twitter, writing ‘Come on ya’ll My comment was not about Britney Spears NOT singing the song- clearly it’s her. It was about the British accent-pay attention.’ Spears rep has responded with ‘[It'] absolute BS. Britney sang the song. Will.i.am wanted her for this song and she sang on it.’