The vessel that made The Notorious B.I.C has been restored to factory settings exactly one month after giving birth. This is… unexpected. I assumed that Beyonce would remain in hiding for another month or so, using the time to work out. She didn’t need the help, per se. But she was super preggo in the face, as well as the abdomen, obviously, and she may have wanted time to fix all that. She looks… great. She’s slimmed right down. I sense some shenanigans under that dress though: there’s an ill-fitting support/ maternity bra to handle the giant mom boobs, a maternity girdle, and double-stuff Spanx under there, no? I’m guessing that she’s double-stuffed into that dress. 10 photos include Beyonce leaving Jay-Z’s fiundraising performance at Carnegie Hall February 6 in NYC.
In news that will shock no one, the interview that’s been making the rounds today, by people who copy pasta first and ask questions later, is fake. I deigned to skim-read it, and I glean the UK’s edition of tabloid Star claimed to have an exclusive interview with Beyonce about Blue Ivy Carter in what purported to be the first postpartum interview done by the singer. Since the fact it was with a gutter British tabloid didn’t get anyone’s Spidey senses tingling, Beyonce’s rep confirms it’s 100% fabrication. It’s a totally fake interview, since it’s easy to get the ‘exclusive’ when you’re ‘exclusively’ making s**t up: ‘Completely made up,’ says the rep, ‘[It's] absolutely not [legitimate].’ However, asked by Access Hollywood on Tuesday, the magazine said it was a pre-baby interview with ‘top-up’ information collected afterward with Beyonce’s knowledge: ‘It is not made up or fictitious at all,’ said an editor at the magazine. ‘We bought the interview from a reporter in the U.S. who conducted the interview with Beyonce before the birth. The reporter then obtained the ‘top-up’ info after the birth, which we believe to have been signed off by a girl on [Beyonce's] LSM team.’ However, the online article doesn’t clarify two interviews, pre and post, simply the misleading: ‘Beyonce WORLD EXCLUSIVE first interview.’ The interview’s lede is also misleading: ‘Talking exclusively to Star in her first interview since giving birth, Beyonce Knowles told us she had an instant connection with her daughter.’
Blue Ivy Carter, the Notorious B.I.C., is already more successful than you. While I wait on the receipts for the birth of she and Khloe Kardashian (since we’re doing the paternity dance again), let’s paw over today’s B.I.C updates. First, Jay-Z’s song, Glory, that I still haven’t listened to all the way through because it bored me. The Pharrell Williams-produced track features Blue Ivy Carter as a credited artist in a song that’s now in the Billboard charts. Which means, yep, she’s the youngest person in history to enter the Billboard charts. In other news, Beyonce and Jay-Z left Lenox Hill Hospital in New York with their daughter in their custom $1 million Mercedes van at 1.30 a.m. on Tuesday morning. And, since people are pressed, there are lots of reports on the things Beyonce/ Jay-Z supposedly bought for their nursery. Including a lucite crib, I kid you not. And, according to sources in Star, I know, I know, the couple outfitted three nurseries in their multiple homes to the tune of $1.5 million: ‘Together, they’ve bought a Swarovski-studded high chair by Carla Monchen for $15,000, and a Fantasy coach carriage crib for $45,000. Jay-Z bought Beyonce a solid gold handmade Ginza Tanaka rocking horse for $600,000. They’ve even splashed out on a $30,000 magical windmill playhouse for the garden and a mini Bugatti. They’ve got baby charm bracelets, gold and platinum diamond rattles and dummies from Tiffany.’
There are a bunch of random Beyonce updates that I’m shoehorning in since the couple has decided to have relationship diarrhea of the mouth after years of silence and it’s a little overwhelming. The couple who never really acknowledged dating nor marrying just issued a statement about the birth of their pillow, which I’m going to start calling a baby now since no one’s been seen carrying Bed Bath & Beyond products into the couple’s home. The statement’s an overlong over-share, in which Beyonce denies claims of a scheduled C-section, or any C-section, insisting she had a vaginal birth: ‘We are happy to announce the arrival of our beautiful daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, born on Saturday, January 7, 2012. Her birth was emotional and extremely peaceful; we are in heaven.’ They continue, ‘She was delivered naturally at a healthy 7 lbs. It was the best experience of both of our lives. We are thankful to everyone for all your prayers, well wishes, love and support.’ A rep from Lenox Hill Hospital, Executive Director Frank Danza, denies the couple c**ckblocked other parents: ‘The suggestion that the couple paid $1.3 million to rent an entire maternity floor is simply not true. The family is housed in an executive suite at the hospital and is being billed the standard rate for those accommodations. Our executive suites are available for any patient, including the food service and amenities provided to the Carter family. We have made every effort to ensure minimal disruption to other families experiencing the births of their own children over the past three days. No security plan that we or the Carters’ security team put in place would have prevented or delayed families from gaining access to the NICU, and to date, no families have complained to the hospital about being denied access to the NICU.’ Related news, Jay-Z strongly suggests Beyonce had a miscarriage before becoming pregnant with Blue Ivy (Blue as in his albums, IV as in four, you all point out). Jay-Z released a song called GLORY on his site and it’s featuring B.I.C, Blue Ivy Carter, as in her first ever cries. I MEHed, I gather you all like the song? Some lyrics: ‘False alarms and false starts, All made better by the sound of your heart, All the pain of the last time, I prayed so hard it was the last time. Last time the miscarriage was so tragic, We was afraid you’d disappear, Naw baby you magic.’
Beyonce’s baby, Blue Ivy Carter, who I’m going to call Hypoallergenic Carter until I see photos of mother and baby, is more important that you. She’s so important she needed a private suite/ wing and private security at New York’s Lennox Hill Hospital, for which her parents paid a reported $1.3 million to seal and redecorate, just to be excised from the womb of the surrogate/ random/ now-dead homeless person/ Beyonce/ whomever was really preggo with her. Neil Coulon, 38, of Brooklyn, complained to the New York Daily News that the security around Beyonce’s fourth-floor rented suite caused a disruption with patients. They allegedly stopped Coulon from visiting his wife and premature twin daughters. Coulon claims security made his relatives leave the waiting room and: ‘three times they stopped me from entering or exiting the Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit and it happened once on Friday [when Beyonce checked in] just because they wanted to use the hallway… They should have been more strategic about it. These are children with problems in intensive care and you’re just going to take over the hospital like you own it? All I want is an apology.’ The hospital was complicit in the security theater, notes TMZ.com: ‘the hospital held a meeting leading up to the delivery to discuss a security plan for the birth. The meeting between executives and security was held Friday afternoon and strict security was in place almost immediately, preparing for Beyonce’s delivery.’
As reported earlier, Beyonce’s pillow was excised by scheduled C-section Saturday evening in New York City. However, because of the rush to report the story, there has been some confusion over the baby name (I read Houston Chronicle, Global Grind, E!, People, TMZ, New York Daily News, Page Six, and Daily Mail before posting… and with two choices I went with TMZ.com’s report of Ivy Blue). However, the pillow’s name was transposed by TMZ, as reader Danielle pointed out. Gwyneth Paltrow clarifies on Twitter, the baby’s name is ‘Blue Ivy Carter.’ Not Ivy Blue Carter, not Hypoallergenic Carter, not Tiana May Carter.
