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Posts under ‘Beyonce Knowles’

Beyonce Addresses The Pillow Conspiracies

Apr 30th, 2012
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Beyonce tells People Magazine it’s ridiculous to think The Notorious Blue Ivy Carter fell out of anyone else’s vagina, because no peasant would be worthy of bearing such royalty. During the pregnancy, there were rumours that Beyonce double-stuffed with man-made fibres while sticking out a carb paunch. About which Beyonce is still fuming, because her belly was full of baby not full of lies.

She tells People: ‘That was crazy. It wasn’t hurtful, it was just crazy. [I thought] ‘Where did they come up with this?’ Her own mother, Tina Knowles, adds of surrogacy rumours: ‘I thought it was very unfair and very cruel that someone would think that someone would be that diabolical to keep up a charade like that for nine months. As a mother it was painful for me to hear the crazy rumors. And I even had people ask me, which was so ridiculous.’ Asked about one of the pillows deflating, the 58-year-old continued: ‘It was a fabric that folded; does fabric not fold? Oh my gosh, so stupid. [But] there was so much love and well wishes from all over the world, it made it easier to deal with the stupid rumors.’

No Make-Up: Zooey Deschanel & Jessica Paré

Apr 27th, 2012
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Emily Deschanel’s sister and Don Draper’s wife posed without make-up for People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Women issue. I’m only posting these because Mad Men’s Jessica Paré is, literally, unrecognisable without make-up. She couldn’t even pass for Megan Draper’s long-lost half-sister. Her complexion is totally different, and even her hair’s throwing me. That said, meh, because she’s DIVINE. Zooey Deschanel looks older without the hipster accoutrements but she’s still very, very pretty. Below are scans and video from the cover shoot. Although, People should have offered Blue Ivy Carter the cover and cut out the middleman.

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Beyonce Named People’s Most Beautiful Woman

Apr 26th, 2012
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Beyonce covers People Magazine this week, as The World’s Most Beautiful Woman Who Might Have Birthed Blue Ivy Carter Unless She Didn’t In Which Case This Cover Reverts To Lily Collins’ Eyebrows. This is where Beyonce takes over from Jennifer Lopez. With the magazine seemingly picking random women, rather than those who’ve been tabloid-relevant and beautiful at the same time. It’s a random cover, afforded someone who’s rarely on the cover, given a cover because she became a mother. It’s the World’s Most Beautiful Mother of Blue Ivy Carter 2012. I’d call it a pity cover, if this were anyone else. In any case, Beyonce gives an exclusive interview in which she conceived out of narcissism and sees B.I.C. as a trophy, a literal F**k Trophy ™: ’I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth. I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth. The best thing about having a daughter is having a true legacy. The word love means something completely different now.’

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So… Beyonce Is An Olsen Twin Now, Right?

Apr 19th, 2012
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Here’s Beyonce walking around New York City April 18, coddling her iPad like its The Notorious B.I.C.. I’m only posting these because I need to know what’s going on with Beyonce’s dress sense since becoming a mother. I’m not the only one to notice. It’s a pants thing. Bad pants, man. Anyway, I’m going to call those leggings pants because I’ve lost all sense of what another adult would call ‘pants’ being that I stopped wearing them for work years ago (do jorts count?)

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Kanye West Knows Urinal Cakes Isn’t Beyonce

Apr 18th, 2012
by Amy Grindhouse.
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In a concession that will placate those of you AS IFing all over my Facebook, Kanye West admitted that Kim Kardashian is to urinal cakes what Beyonce is to hideous pants. Because AS IF Kardashian could compare to a real talent. Last week, Us Weekly’s sources claimed that West’s delusions had devolved to where he compared his Wednesday s3x tape partner to his friend’s wife: ‘It’s not a PR stunt. They’re perfect for each other. He thinks she’s his Beyonce.’ Which honestly sounds like it came out of the mouth of pimp momager as she picked their kids’ names. But relax, because that never happened. And West’s back to his d**k photo defense: if he’s not rapping about it, it never happened. Remember, he admitted to the d**k photos because he already rapped about it in Runaway. He said the same when asked about the comparison by the tabloid: ‘Of course there are a lot of media inaccuracies surrounding this past couple of weeks, especially the ‘She’s my Beyonce’ quote,’ West told the tabloid. ‘I would never compare anyone to my friend’s wife. Come on now, that doesn’t even sound like me. If I don’t say something in a rap or on Twitter, it’s not true.’

In related news, Howard Stern is over it. And Khloe Kardashian’s womb is displaying a ‘Vacancy’ sign, despite the apparent admission by her father-in-law. Sources tell RadarOnline.com that Joe Odom’s admission is ‘absolutely not true.’

Added below because they’re new, photos of Beyonce and B.I.C. in NYC April 17.

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Beyonce Looks Great Under That Shapewear

Mar 21st, 2012
by Amy Grindhouse.
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Looking great under what I assume is layers of shapewear, here’s the receptacle that carried The Notorious Blue Ivy Carter for nine-months unless none of that happened and Beyonce’s the same size as before because she carried a pillow and taking it off is the quickest way to lose the fake baby weight. Seen here in a navy Victoria Beckham dress, these are some photos of Beyonce, after ‘giving birth’ on January 7, with husband Jay-Z following as they left dinner at NOBU in New York City March 19 after the Obama 2012 fundraiser at the Greenwich Hotel.

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